When was the last time you were naked and felt no shame?
Take a deep breath. We’re not going to talk about being physically naked, or ‘nekkid’ as many like to say. Today, we’re going to delve into what it means to step up and live with authenticity and vulnerability – being real and inviting people to get real with us. That’s what we can refer to as “emotional nakedness.”
Ummm, Barb. Uh, I’m not comfortable talking about this…
I know that you don’t want to talk about this, but stay with me. You NEED to lean into this one. Why? Because I know that there are places in your life where you want MORE than how you are living now! You want to live with purpose. But, you can’t live purpose if you only skim the top of what it means to be real with the people around you that you love and care about.
Living authentically occurs when our actions, beliefs and character are the same, no matter if we’re overheard talking with our kids at the store or we’re hanging out in the lobby at church. Authenticity is best described by the phrase “keepin’ it real.” Like on Saturday, I had to do eight loads of laundry and clean my house. It was a wreck. #keepitSERIOUSLYreal
Vulnerability is much scarier than authenticity. When you’re authentic, you don’t have to care about what people think, you’re just putting you out there. In my opinion, vulnerability is the highest form of emotional and spiritual nakedness.
Storyteller and researcher, Dr. Brene Brown, has elevated the discussion about the power of vulnerability. Here’s how she describes vulnerability: “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
Vulnerability seems a little like living at a nudist colony (not that I’ve ever been to one…) You are completely exposed to those around you and they can give you feedback on what they think and see. Yet, under the right conditions, vulnerability is powerful. When we allow people that we love and trust to speak truth into our lives, we learn to see past the blind spots that are holding us back or taking us down. Vulnerability gives us the precious knowledge that we are loved as we are and most importantly, for who we are.
God loves you as you are. But, He loves you too much to leave you as you are. He’s got great plans for you!
As you read that, you may have many reasons why God shouldn’t love you for what you’ve done or how you screamed at your kid today – but He loves you. As the old saying goes: “There’s nothing you can do to make God love you more. There’s nothing you can do to make God love you less.” It’s a shame that some of us are plagued by secret whispers that we don’t deserve or shouldn’t expect God’s best for us. That’s the voice of shame.
When we feel shame, it is a self-imposed shackle that we must break free from as soon as possible. Shame clouds our ability to see what God wants to do in us and through us.
Here’s a few questions for you to consider today. You are welcome to share your answers in the comments below or find a trust Christian friend or counselor to discuss:
Where are the places where I feel ashamed, or unworthy of love or acceptance?
How willing am I to let people get to know the real me? Where do I start shutting people out? Do I know why?
What would it mean for my life if I could live “naked and unashamed?”
Only one more day left in our Beautiful Devotional! Thank you for joining me this week! I’d love to stay connected with you on a regular basis, so make sure to find me on Twitter (@barbroose) or join the community over at Facebook.com/shapestylesoul.
Have you ever run into a woman who was bad tempered, rude, or argumentative?
While I don’t watch many reality television shows lately, I see lots of previews or recaps. The shows all seem to have a few things in common: wealthy, physically-attractive women who scream, fight, scheme, claw, cuss, cheat or threaten each other.
These women spend thousands of dollars on hair, make-up, cosmetic surgery and personal trainers to look as beautiful or desirable as possible, yet their on-screen behavior is downright UGLY.
I don’t get it. But, the writer in Ecclesiastes says: There is nothing new under the sun.
In the New Testament, one of the scriptural authors addresses a community of married women who were new to following Christ. These women were wealthy and heavily influenced by their sophisticated, educated culture. They competed against each other for the best hair, make-up, and jewelry using strategies that probably wouldn’t be completely unfamiliar in our modern times. Like many of us, these women wanted to be admired and desired by all who saw them. If there was a reality television show during that time, these ancient women would have been all up in our television screens.
Yet, the scriptural author, Peter, calls the women to aspire to more than competition over hair, clothes or reputation. Check out the verse in the box from 1 Peter 3:4.
Peter, isn’t being harsh when he speaks to the women. He wasn’t bashing beauty enhancements, rather, he contrasts what a woman does with her outer appearance against what God accomplishes by His divine work within us.
There are two descriptives that Peter calls women who aspire toward: gentleness and quietness. These two words used to discourage me on a regular basis.
Friends, there is nothing conventionally gentle or quiet about me. I’m 5’10” with big feet and a loud voice. Everything about me looks like it is moving at 100mph. So, I felt like a failure every time someone shared Peter’s teachings on these two qualities of inner beauty.
Why can’t I be like the nice ladies with the polite smiles dressed in pearls and matching sweater sets. I can get frustrated and loud, yet those women never seemed to get kerfluffled? What’s wrong with ME?!!!
Years ago, I discovered God’s prescription for inner beauty was a mixture of qualities that would complement even my energetic, demonstrative nature. Here are the qualities of a gentleness and quietness:
Gentleness: Maintaining a gracious attitude, friendly behavior and humble character.
Quietness: Choosing to possess tranquility, respectfulness and submissiveness as opposed to worry or rebelliousness.
First, how do we cultivate gentleness? Where do we start? One of the first steps would be self-awareness. I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I don’t know how I look or sound to others. So, practice your conversations in front of the mirror. Pretend like you are talking to your family or friends and look at your facial expressions. Does your face look friendly and kind or put-upon and bothered? After self-awareness comes another tip: Just be nice to people. (Yep, I’m working on that, too…)
Now, quietness might be freaking some of you out right now. You saw the words “respect” and “submit” and you’re concerned that I’m going to try to sell you a page from “The Caveman Times.” I can see you rolling your eyes and saying:
“I’m a modern woman, Barb. Don’t you try to tell me that I should let someone rule over me.”
Ladies, respect and submission have nothing to do with coercion or weakness. In fact, they are wholly the opposite. Both are a 100% free act of the will. You can choose or not choose. Before you choose, answer this: What is the opposite of quietness? If the idea of not having the final say-so (control/manipulation) is so horrible for you, then what’s your other choice? Answer: It’s a life of constant worry and strife.
Some of you know what I’m talking about right now.
When you constantly fight for control or assert your right to be right in front of your spouse, kids, friends or co-workers, chances are that your life is filled with frustration, worry or strife. Might I ask with complete humility: How’s that working for you?
When life isn’t going our way, our first inclination is to rise up and fight for control. And the fighting and the resistance makes us miserable – and our reactions probably look pretty ugly. Yet, God has chosen women to be the standard-bearers of His beauty in our cold, harsh world. What kind of light for Christ could we be if we practiced the beauty of gentleness and humility?
Q4U: Which one – gentleness or quietness – feels like more of a challenge for you? Leave a comment below!
Thanks for stopping by! We’ve got just a few days left in the Beautiful Devotional and I hope that you’ve been blessed. I’d love to hear how God has used this devotional in your life. Feel free to leave a comment below! If this post has blessed you today, please share it with others!
What’s a food thinker? A food thinker is someone who is ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT FOOD!
That’s me.
In fact, when I eat breakfast, I want to know what I’m going to eat for lunch. After lunch, I thinking ahead to dinner, but not before pondering the snack that I’ll have in-between.
Any other food thinkers out there? Let me hear you!
As a food thinker, I’m not just thinking about the food that I want to eat, but I’m also run an internal dialogue about the food that I just consumed.
Oh, I wish that I wouldn’t have eaten that!
I.want.more.Yum!
I really wish that I eat another Mr. Freeze Wow Cow Peanut Butter No-fat, no sugar ice cream with hot fudge, pecans and real whipped cream ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!
(That last one was a true thought from last week. I miss that sundae.)
Some of us think about food a lot and our attitude drive our thoughts.
We can get a little nutty defending our right to eat our way – and sometimes, we can sniff our noses at those who may have a differing opinions. I’ve noticed that the topic of food can divide up women pretty quickly. Organics versus Mac-n-cheesers or the Vegetarians versus More Meat-eaters or the Vegans versus Burger King Whopper lovers.
I don’t think that God wants food to divide us or disconnect our hearts from each other – and food surely isn’t supposed to siphon away our desire to focus wholly on God.
How do keep our relationship with food in its rightful place in our lives? How we can enjoy eating, without using food as a way of subtly asserting superiority or using food as drug to cure emotional pain?
I ran across this verse a few months ago, it got my attention:In other words: What you eat shouldn’t be your measure of righteousness or condemnation AND what/how you eat shouldn’t occupy your thoughts more than your desire to live God’s call for your life.
In Romans 14:17, the scriptural author, Paul, wanted to redirect the people from thinking that they could gain spiritual and social superiority by eating and drinking the right things. Obsession over “right” and “wrong” foods distracted the people from what really mattered: Worshipping God with their lives and focusing on Him rather than self. Rather than over-focusing on are we eating the right or wrong things, how do we focus on what the Apostle Paul calls us to focus on instead:
Goodness: Pleasant inward disposition or attitude toward others
Peace: reconciliation with others and reconciliation with God
Joy: Unfailing inner brightness regardless of our circumstances
Awww, snap.
Here I am more worried about whether or not I’m still gonna be hungry after eating my salad-in-a-jar and it seems that God wants to shift my perspective. Instead of focusing on calories, metabolism, steps walked or what’s been crossed and fitted, the real kingdom question is: How am I doing with goodness, peace and joy in God’s eyes?
How are you doing?
Q4U: On a scale of 1 (bad) – 10 (great), how are you doing with living out God’s definition of goodness, peace and joy? Where are you doing well and where are you struggling? Let’s have a discussion below!
Thanks for stopping by for today’s Beautiful Devotional! Want to receive the rest of this Beautiful Devotional series or weekly encouragement from me about your shape, style or soul? Just click here to subscribe to barbroose.com. I won’t fill up your inbox, but once a week, I’ll encourage you and make you smile!
How many of us are still carrying around painful words spoken to us during our childhood or teenage years?
“Your nose looks like Captain Hook!”
“You’re so dark that we’d lose you if the lights were off.”
“My dog is cuter than you.”
Ouch. No only do those phrases hurt our eyes, but if those words were ever directed at you, those horrible words hurt your heart, too.
While we can’t undo what we heard as kids, we can be proactive about who we allow access to the most important part of us: our heart. The question is: How do we protect our hearts?
Do you realize that your heart is your most valuable possession? This is why God says that we must guard our hearts because the rest of our life depends on the condition of our hearts!
We’re switching things up today! This 2-minute video clip was from our February 2015 LivingItOut video podcast titled “Strengthening Your Relationships.” In this clip, I’m discussion how to “guard our hearts” when it comes to relationships with others.
Q4U #1: What are some of the things you heard about your size, shape or style as a kid that still stick in your memories today? How did those words impact your life?
Q4U #2 – Think about some of your most difficult relationships. Where are people crossing the line in your life? What are some sensors or triggers that you need to install in order to protect your heart? (How do you need to restructure how/when you interact with them?
Thanks for joining me for the Beautiful Devotional Day #3! Please share this post with others and invite them to subscribe to Barbroose.com for more encouragement and inspiration for the remaining days of this devotional and in the weeks to come!
Allison’s name was changed in the story as a protection for her family members who were involved in some of the more difficult places in her life.
Is there a mistake from your past or a struggle with your size, shape or style that overcomes your heart with embarrassment or regret?
In my book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty, I interviewed a friend and former stripper, named Allison*, whose story is shared in Chapter 16 titled, “What we’ll give away for love.” The chapter opens with a line from her husband: “Honey, God took you from the pole to the pulpit.”
When Allison turned 18 years old, she began working in a strip club. Early in life, Allison learned that a woman could use her body to get men and things, so she decided to give dancing a try. At first, Allison’s new job was thrilling because she felt powerful. She decided who to dance with and for how much. Before long, Allison realized that she was being controlled and used by not just the customers, but the people who owned the club. That crushing revelation heaped pain and shame into her life.
Yet, she couldn’t break free. Allison continued to dance after she married and even until she was eight months pregnant.
It wasn’t until she looked into the eyes of her newborn daughter that Allison realized she needed to change: “I couldn’t keep showing myself to anyone and everyone who would give me a buck.”
Yet, after leaving the industry, the shame followed Allison around in the form of a secret that she couldn’t tell.
A few years later, Allison and her husband joined a local church and came to faith in Christ. Yet, she didn’t believe that she could truly be free and forgiven for her life choices. Her shame ran deep and strong.
For many years, Allison hoped that God would destroy the memories of who she was. She wanted to kill off that part of her indentity in hopes that the shame would die, too.
It wasn’t until Allison finally realized that freedom from shame wouldn’t happen until she fixed her heart and mind on the truth of God’s great love for her. The remaining part of the chapter deals with how God lovingly, yet painfully led Allison out of her shame toward God’s truth that she best sums up in Romans 8:1: “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”
Instead of keeping her past a secret of out of shame, Allison allowed God to use her past to create connections with women who are working in the adult entertainment industry today. She brings love and hope to women who are looking for a way out as well as unconditional love and an open invitation to prayer for women who plan to keep dancing.
Now, God uses Allison in amazing ways that go far beyond what she ever could have dreamed!
Q4U: What kind of shame do you see women struggling to overcome? What stops Christian women from embracing the fullness of God’s forgiveness? Where do we struggle to forgive ourselves?
Beating yourself up won’t change a thing. Listen to this: You’ve got to let it out, before you can let it go!By the way, the BEST way to fight back is to share your struggle or secret with either a trusted Christian friend or counselor. Invite someone into your struggle today and ask them to journey with you and pray specifically for you.
Thanks for stopping by today! If this post has blessed you, please share this post on your social media! You can also read Allison’s entire story in my new book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty. Find out more by clicking HERE.
Barb Roose is a speaker and author who is passionate about teaching women to live beautifully strong and courageous so that they experience God’s great adventure of faith and purpose for their lives.
Check out Barb’s new releases, Stronger Than Stress: 10 Spiritual Practices to Win the Battle of Overwhelm book and Stronger Than Stress: 10 Spiritual Practices to Win the Battle of Overwhelms Bible study.
Barb lives in NW Ohio and is proud mother of three adult kids. Whenever possible, Barb prefers to eat dessert first. Visit Barb’s online home at barbroose.com.
