by Barb Roose | Feb 8, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship
By Tina Bryant
photo credit: Pinterest
Once upon a time there was a man named Jesus. Jesus is a young handsome prince who saved me from many bad, unhealthy relationships. Seven years later he still romances me. We lived happily ever after. The End….
I wish it was that easy.
Seven years ago, I got out of a really bad relationship. It was filled with lies and threats of violence. He told me that “no one would ever want me.” And, I believed him.
After that bad relationship ended, I decided to go back to church.
I wasn’t committed and only showed up on and off. One day, I received a book from a co-worker called Choosing God’s Best by Dr. Don Raunikar. I put it into the dresser drawer thinking: “Why would I want to be God’s choice after all of the things I have done?”
A few weeks later I saw the book again and decided to read it. I couldn’t put it down! My eyes opened to a whole new level of relationships and a style of dating new to me called courting. You see, I always was the pursuer because I was tired of waiting. I always wanted to land the man NOW! Yet, courting means that the man who pursues the woman that he wants to married. Not the other way around. That was revolutionary for me! And since my way of doing things ended badly, I decided to wait to be pursued.
I became more active at the Creek and during that time, I also started to hang out with an old friend. Our friendship grew and I thought “he must be it”. We did everything according to what the Bible told us. But God whispered to me, “It’s not him, I have someone else for you.”
I didn’t agree.
“God, he is EVERYTHING I have always wanted…”
Luckily, God is so patient with me.
“My child, be patient. You have so much to learn.”
I was frustrated. Looking back, I sounded like a 2-year throwing a tantrum because I didn’t get my chocolate chip cookie.
God reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
An avid photographer, Tina loves spending time behind her camera. The top two photos are from her Facebook page. Here is Tina on her cruise in 2013. Of course, she just got back from a cruise last week, too.
Last year, I felt God was preparing me for my future husband…
But, before I could have a healthy relationship with my future husband, I need to have a healthy relationship with God. I needed to de-clutter up my schedule so I can spend time with God and sometime praying for my future husband. God reminded that I don’t need to be “busy” all the time just because there is no one at home waiting for me.
As humans, we long for touches, smells, words to confirm that someone loves us. My “love language” is gifts. I don’t expect gifts, but I see how God uses people to show me his love to me. Gifts like a random picture from my nephews or a flower from a friend touch me as well as a random text or a beautiful sunrise. Each of these precious gifts are from God and a reminder that He loves me.
Every so often, my 7-year old nephew asks why I’m not married yet…
He wants to know when he gets to be in my wedding. I love his innocence in these conversations! I always tell him, “When God is done with my future husband.” I love that my nephew wants me to meet and marry, too!
Just the other day, he asked me out of the blue, “Aunt Tina, when is a God done with your husband?” After hearing this, I sensed God saying to me, “That it’s not him I am waiting for, it’s you.” I knew there were some other things that God wanted to work on in my life.
God brought my ex back into my life a few months ago.
I asked God why he would do that after seven years.
“You haven’t forgiven him nor have you forgiven yourself.”
WOW! That is so true! I had been holding on all that resentment all these years. I resented the person I was then and I was ashamed of my weakness back then. Yet, over the past 7 years, God has taught me so much. I’ve learned that I need God in my life and that I need to trust in Him no matter what.
Not everyone is made to be married, and I am okay with that if that is God’s will.
Today, when someone asks me why I am not married, I can say with confidence that God has me on a mission right now during my singleness and when He is ready for me and my future husband to be together we can continue our mission that He wants us to carry through our marriage!
My prayer for you is to trust in God. He knows our hearts’ desire and He knows what’s best for us. Turn your life, your heart and your future marriage over to Him.
Photo credit: Versifylife.com
Tina Bryant is a Central Support Specialist at CedarCreek Church in Perrysburg, Ohio. She works in the Spiritual Formation department and is the multi-campus coordinator of Celebrate Recovery, a Christ-Centered step program that meets on Friday nights at 7pm at all CedarCreek Campuses. You can find out more information about Celebrate Recovery at cedarcreek.tv/celebraterecovery.
by Barb Roose | Jan 12, 2015 | Women's Topics
It’s Monday morning, you can guarantee that I’m struggling. At any point between 6:30am and 10am, I’m a cross between a walking hot mess and an incoherent toddler. All I want on Monday morning is for the clock to rewind back to Friday.
As I stumble through my morning toilette (pronounced “twaa-let” –I’m attempting to get fancy here), my body is on auto-pilot. I move like a robot from one movement to the next, praying that when I put my hand down to grab something, it will be waiting for me. Shower. Dry. Brush. Curl. Walk. Turn. Lotion. Socks. Underwear…Under—
Now, my eyes open and I’ve got a Monday-stopping question: WHERE are my underwear?!
Instantly alert, all attention focuses on my top drawer. It’s a little sparse in there. Gone are the typical piles of crumpled polyester-spandex and polyester cotton. All that’s left is a pair of once-loved undies crushed into the corner of my lingerie drawer. As the only clean, surviving pair of underwear on this early Monday morning, I bestow upon them following title: Emergency Underwear.
Introducing: Emergency Underwear
Yes, my last pair of underwear has a name.
While you may not name the last pair of your underwear, you’re already familiar with the concept. Emergency underwear is the last pair that you don’t like to wear. This is the pair that stays crumpled in the back behind all of your favorites or better performers. How’d your emergency underwear end up in the back of the drawer? Maybe they to shift to one side or another when you walk. Perhaps they tend to get trapped in tight places, if you know what I mean. Maybe you no longer like the color or style.Whatever the reason, you don’t like this the pair of underwear –
…but you keep them around just in case.
Now, back to me…
For those who aren’t scared by a little TMI, this particular pair fits mostly fine. It’s an uninspiring shade of beige pair with a waist band that on its way to giving up. I don’t notice them in the drawer unless the more popular undies are cleared out of the way. Once that happens, then shazaam! It’s showtime!
So, my current situation: I’m standing in my last pair of clean underwear.
(I’ll be back to finish this after I get dressed.)
I’m back…
What makes me annoyed about the emergency underwear situation is that it should never happen. These moments are an embarassing reminder me of what I should have done, but didn’t do.
Apparently, I had doing laundry on the list of “I’ll get to that”, but I never got to it. I could make all kinds of excuses as to why I didn’t do it, but the fact is, I put off the task and almost had to resort to that oft-used, but never-talked-about college underwear trick that we used to use when we didn’t have enough quarters to do the laundry.
As much as I can, I try to live by the maxim “Set yourself up for success. ” And in these emergency underwear moments, I feel like a hypocrite. I’m always harping on my kids to set themselves up for success by planning ahead and taking care of their business. Yet, at times, their mama needs to practice what she preaches a little more often.
So, it’s time to kick myself in the butt! And since you’re along for the ride this morning with me, I’ll kick you, too. If that’s okay…
Time to Eat that Frog…
I came across an article discussing discussing 21 ways to stop procrastinating. One of those ways was to “eat the ugly frog first,” which is a euphemism from author, Brian Tracy’s book’s Eat That Frog. When we have tough or unpleasant tasks to accomplish, Tracy encourages us to do our most difficult or unpleasant tasks first. Why? Because the most difficult task hangs over our heads all day long if it remains unfinished. Doing it first frees up mental energy and reduces tension. This leads to increased productivity and satisfaction.
How does that apply to my emergency underwear situation? Well, I hate doing laundry. So, when there’s piles of laundry laying around, there’s a tape in my mind that continuously reminds me that I’m a slacker until that laundry gets done. Yet, all of that mental badgering doesn’t motivate me to do the laundry. We erroneous think that if we ponder something enough, that we’ll eventually get motivated to do it. Not true. The only way to get something done is to – now, pay attention – is to ACTUALLY DO IT!
Whenever I actually get up and finish the laundry, it’s amazing how fast I get everything else on my list done.
My kids used to HATE unloading the dishwasher. We would go to war over unloading this dishes on a regular basis, until the day we timed how long it took to unload the dishwasher. It took 5 minutes. All of that procrastinating. All of that complaining. All of that fussing (me…). Once we figured out that doing the task only took five minutes, the kids don’t procrastinate the task as they used to. They’re happier because something they dread only lasts a few minutes and they can move on to something else much faster.
What about you?
Think about the tasks that you hate? Make a list. Which tasks have gone unfinished for sometime now? Which one should you absolutely do today? Feeling overwhelmed at the thought of making that list? Check out the quick video below – it’s super helpful!
And me? Time to finish that laundry!
Thanks for stopping by Barbroose.com! If you think this post would be helpful for others, please share it. I’d love to hear if you were encouraged or inspired in some way. Just post in the comments section below or on Facebook. Blessings, Barb
by Barb Roose | Dec 31, 2014 | Christian Living/Discipleship
2014…Well, that went fast! It’s amazing how quickly 365 days pass by – especially the good days. Oh, how I wished some of those good days could have lasted a little longer. And the bad days…well, the bad days couldn’t end soon enough.
While I post a lot of positive things on social media about what’s happening in my life, my family or at our church, you’re all smart enough to know that even my sunny flower garden of life has a smelly pile of dog crap dumped in the corner.
Like you, my 2014 doled out it’s fair share of struggles with the kids, tough moments in our marriage, things that broke and cost a lot of money to fix – and so, so much more. There were moments when I thought life couldn’t get any better alternating with moments when I just wanted to crawl in bed and never get out. That’s just life, right?
“Edward Scraperhands” in February 2014
Now it’s December 31. Aaannnnd I’m still singing the song “Let It Go” from watching the movie for the first time on Christmas Eve. My husband rented the movie because we both secretly wanted to see it, but we were too cool to admit it to each other. How come no one told me that this was an animated movie disguised as a film for adults?
Photo credit: deviantart.com
If you’re hating me because you’re singing the song now, you’ll thank me later. “Let It Go” is a great song for leaving one year and heading into the next.
Can I admit that I teared up while listening to the song? Goodness, yes I did.
As we leave 2014, there are three lines from the song that resonated with me. I’d like to share those three lines and a few questions that you may consider as you reflect on how you lived over the past year:
1. “Here I stand, here I’ll stay…”
I love how Elsa stamped her little animated foot as she built her ice castle, causing the snowflake to form as a symbol of who she was. Once Elsa decided it was time to stop running, she didn’t waver or falter. She stomped her foot and stood her ground.
What about you? Did you live by your convictions in 2014 OR did you struggle to know what to believe or say when issues of racism, homosexuality or immigration took over our news feeds and Facebook threads?
In 2015, where do you need to respectfully stand up more for what you believe and not be intimated or hushed by opposing viewpoints?
In April, apparently I grew a moustache.
2. “I don’t care what they may say…”
If you watched the movie, you saw how Elsa became a prisoner to her fear of what would happen if people knew who she really was. So, she hid behind closed doors, shutting everyone – including her sister – out.
How much of 2014 did you live based on what others thought of you? How did it feel every time that you didn’t get a chance to say or think what was really on your mind? How can you live differently in 2015?
As long as we live according to other’s opinions of what we should think, say or feel, we will be miserable because we will not be living authentically. Ask yourself this: Who has God created me to be? What has God called me to do? How has God called me to live?
As we head into 2015, I hope you take the time to figure out the answers to those questions. Then, you tell everyone else with an opinion to shut-up. (Okay, I wanted to be dramatic. Don’t use “shut up” – it’s not a nice word and Jesus wouldn’t use it. At least I don’t think that he would.)
A few weeks ago, I went to Nashville to meet my publishers and I received a copy of my book. One of the best moments of the year
3. “The past is in the past…”
We’re all dragging around old records of life events in metaphorical suitcases shackled to our ankles. The number of those suitcases vary per person. Yet, I suspect that those of you carrying a full five-piece set know that you’re being crushed under the weight of your past.
Are you being held hostage by painful memories or emotionally controlled by memories of the past?
While it’s not possible to erase the memories, you don’t have to suffer when you do remember. Holding onto every single memory of what was done to you doesn’t make you a survivor. Holding onto your need to know “why” something happened won’t make the real pain go away. Hostages are trapped with no means of escape. You aren’t a helpless hostage. God wants you to be free. Surrendering your grip of the pain, anger or worry and giving it up is what frees you!
Here’s some practical tips if you need a place to start moving away from the past:
1. You’ve got let it OUT before you can let it GO… Most of our bad memories stay trapped in our imagination on a continuous replay reel. It’s time to stop replaying the movie and acknowledge each event. Start with make a list of the past memories/incidents/people that cause you to feel pain, fear, guilt or anger. Be specific.
2. Sit down with someone that you trust and share those memories with him or her. There’s a wonderful scriptural principle (James 5:16) that tells us that when we talk about our struggles, that puts us on the path to healing. This is why counseling and recovery groups exist. You cannot let go of the painful past on your own!
3. You may need a recovery group like Celebrate Recovery or professional counseling…If you’ve got a lifetime of abuse and pain, your struggle may be more than a good friend can or should handle. Yes, it’s tough asking someone for help and sometimes, it’s expensive. But, the price you’ve paid for holding onto that baggage has been even higher.
4. Invite God into the new space…Holding onto the past occupies a lot of space in our lives. Letting go of baggage can oddly leave us feeling empty because we’re so used to that space being filled by pain, anger or fear. This is the place where you can invite God to fill. If you’re already a Christian, that’s great! Now God has more room to work in your life. If you aren’t a believer, then consider trusting God with your life and letting Him show you what a life of purpose and freedom looks like.
This year was the year one of my my life-long dreams came true…
My prayer for all of you is that 2015 is the year that you live fully, freely and faithfully. Let go of any past that is dragging you down and let go of the fears that keep you from living as God has called you to live.
Thank you for letting me be a part of your social media life this year. I’ve been honored by every person who has clicked the link to my blog. I pray that you’ve been blessed by what you’ve read. My words mean nothing if you aren’t encouraged, inspired or blessed.
Happy New Year!
Barb
By the way, my new book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty is available NOW wherever books are sold!
CLICK HERE for link to Amazon Kindle
CLICK HERE for link to Barnes & Noble
by Barb Roose | Nov 24, 2014 | Uncategorized
Recently, we all got to see Kim Kardashians’ tuckus. While it wasn’t the first time we saw Kim’s undressed girly goodies populating our Twitter or Facebook newsfeeds, it was still a BIG surprise!
I’ve been thinking about what I should say about this for the past week. I’ve also been scanning social media waiting for other Christian women to chime in on the photo that Paper magazine staff wanted to break the Internet. I’ve wanted to say something, but I just wasn’t sure what that “something” should be.
I wonder if I could do that? (photo credit: blacksportsonline.com)
What I don’t want to do is judge on Kim’s decision. I’m not saying that it was a good idea, the right idea or even a bright idea. That’s between her and God. (But you should know that there is no time NEVER, EV-AH that you will see my big behind shining brightly in your newsfeed. That’s not my thang.)
Yet, I’m all FOR having a dialogue about the photo. We don’t need to take shots at Kim’s choices in order to process through what we can learn from this situation and apply it to our lives.
This was the photo that was supposed to break the internet. Paper Magazine staff wanted to create a sensation so overwhelming that internet servers around the world would cripple under the pressure. Well, the photo didn’t break the internet, but over 5 million people visited the magazine’s website to peak at a beautiful smiling woman, wearing a high hairbun and pearls, posing with her glossy rearend showing sunnyside up.
Not only where there millions of page hits, but HuffPost reports that when her husband, Kanye West tweeted the photo, it was retweeted over 80,000. (Can you imagine your fully-clothed rearend getting retweeted 80,000? Try to not cry over that thought.)
A reported asked Kim why she did it. Kim replied that she looked at this magazine shoot as an art project. Her body was an artistic medium to be shaped and reimagined by the artistic eye of the photographer. When I read that sentence, I had an epiphany:
She’s right! Kim’s right! We are a work of art! You, me and Kim!
Our bodies are creations. We are designed by a magnificent Creator. Our bodies are beautiful masterpieces, created for a specific purpose.
One question that separates all of us is HOW will we use our bodies? And that is where me and Kim part company. I’m not judging her, I just think that my created body had a different purpose than how she sees her created body.
But, there is still something positive that I take away from Kim’s photo.
I love her attitude and confidence toward her body. This is the same woman that two years ago was publicly shamed for how her body grew during pregnancy. We all criticize ourselves in the mirror for how we look, yet imagine your face and body appearing online and supersize on magazine covers with millions of people calling you fat? I saw Kim in an interview after she had the baby. She talked about how painful and heartbreaking it was for people to be so mean about how she looked. If that were me, I’d be tempted to pull on a pair of yoga pants and bury myself inside of a carton after carton of chocolate peanut butter ice cream and never come out.
How many times have we just given up when we feel discouraged about ourselves? How many of us struggle with doing the things for ourselves that we need to do?
So, there is a part of me that admires her for not allowing her body critics to have the last word.
We don’t have to agree with how Kim displayed her body in that photo, but we can take something away from the obvious care that she puts into her body and the confidence it took to take those photos. While Photoshop could polish up that photo and her wealth can pay for trainers and special foods, it’s clear that she chooses to spend time on taking care of herself.
Some of us can learn a little something from her example, aye?
TALK BACK TIME! What did you think about my views on Kim’s photo? Do you agree or disagree? Differences of opinions are encouraged – just be nice!
And, if you think that this blog post would encourage a friend today, feel free to share it.
Barb Roose’s new book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Stuggle with Beauty will be released in March 2015. Click here to order a copy: http://amzn.to/1rjsMaf
by Barb Roose | Nov 10, 2014 | Christian Living/Discipleship
How do you feel when other people celebrate the good things happening in their lives?
Do you celebrate wholeheartedly with them or are you a teensy-bit envious because their lives always seem sunny-side up?
Yesterday, I went to see the movie “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” with my daughter, Sami. We weren’t planning to go. In fact, we made the decision to go to the movie at 11:23am. The movie started at 11:50am. Out of consideration for the folks in the theater, I managed a quick shower before we dashed out the door and hustled to the theater.
Movie day! Cheap tickets and buttery soft pretzels. Good times with my girl 🙂
Even though we had to park at least a quarter mile from the building because we forgot that it was SATURDAY AT FRANKLIN PARK MALL and people were EVERYWHERE, we got into our seats just as the movie began. God bless those endless movie previews.
The storyline is simple. Twelve-year old Alexander Cooper thinks his life is awful and he feels that his parents and siblings enjoy wonderful, trouble-free living. At the beginning of the movie, Alexander struts across the lawn toward the girl of his dreams, but trips over a lawn sprinkler and falls on his face. Moments later, the popular kid at school snaps Alexander’s photo and attaches his head atop a lingerie model – and then, texts the photo to the entire school. The rest of Alexander’s day is filled numerous woe-is-me moments that made us all feel bad for the kid.
Photo credit: IMDB
After his family goes to bed, Alexander sits in front of a homemade ice-cream birthday sundae at midnight on his 12th birthday. He blows out the birthday candle, wishing that his family would experience the same kind of terrible luck that frequents his life.
His wish comes true.
The fun of the movie is watching over-the-top, cringe-worthy mayhem that results from young Alexander’s wish. His unemployed dad, played by Steve Carrell, finally gets a job interview, then bombs it. Alexander’s mom, played by Jennifer Garner, works for a publishing company and launches a children’s book. The book instructs children to jump all over the place. Except there was a very unfortunate typo and the “j” was replaced by the “d.” So, she was having a very bad day, too. (Since I’m proofing my book right now, I broke out in a sweat during that scene).
Alexander watches as his parents, brother and sister experience horrible, terrible failures. We see that as much as Alexander wanted his family to understand how he felt, he hated seeing them actually experience those moments.
And that’s when I got to thinking…
There was a phase in my life – some of you have heard me refer to them as my “Dark Years.” During this time in life, NOTHING ever seemed to go right. #fail felt like the perfect description for my life.
During these years, I struggled to watch good things happening in other people’s lives. This was a time before social media or else I would have had to delete my Facebook page. I couldn’t have handled happy vacation photos, new house photos or someone celebrating anything good happening because envy would scream over their good news.
I felt entrenched in an endless series of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days that I resented other’s good news. I wanted to be happy for them. Yet, my thoughts and emotional bandwidth was consumed by my disappointment with life. My head was filled with phrases like:
“I wish…”
“Why doesn’t…”
“When will I…”
I have so many journals containing those phrases for several years. “Joy” seemed like a word that only went to people who weren’t named Barb and didn’t live in my skin. I kept waiting for that magic moment for things to turn around AND ONLY THEN, I would be happy. Whatever that thing was didn’t happen and so I continued to fight through disappointment each day.
What changed? In a word: GRATITUDE.
I realized the importance of having gratitude for what I still had. I woke up to the realization that I had to stop meditating on what I didn’t have. When we “meditate” on something, we think about it over and over and over and over – you get the drift. When we meditate on unhealthy thoughts, those joy-destroying thoughts become fixed in our mind, continuously spinning like a hamster on a wheel. Those thoughts spin and spin until we have the discipline to stop them.
Meditating on the wrong things puts you in the wrong place. You’ll end up in the wrong place emotional, spiritually and relationally.
(And, while writing this blog, I am convicted of a few things that I need to stop meditating on. I HATE it when that happens – ha!)
Photo credit: Pinterest Ann Voscamp
In 2011, I read Ann Voscamp’s One Thousand Gifts. Many of you have read it and loved it. In the book, Ann challenges her readers to list 1000 moments that they are thankful for. It’s been three years since I’ve read the book and I’ve only listed 600. It’s not like I haven’t had thousands of moments to be thankful for, but I’m not always intentionally about acknowledging those moments.
Truth is, we are not mindful of all that God has blessed us with. We know this is true because way too much of the time we’re unhappy. Including me.
Too often, I blow right by my blessings and mediate on the bad stuff. It’s so easy to remember the bad stuff, isn’t it?
Gratitude changes and transforms our hearts. You cannot practice heart-felt gratitude and not have a heart filled with joy.
If you are in the midst of a continuous string of terrible, horrible, no good days, I challenge you to grab a notebook or open a note on your phone and keep track of all of the good moments in each day. In fact, I double-dare you. Warning: THIS IS HARDER THAN YOU THINK! You’ll have to discipline yourself to recognize those thankful moments and record them. This is how we become mindful of all that God has done for us.
So, if you are doing the November Thankful Challenge, keep going with that. But, for those who are struggling with feeling trapped in terrible, horrible, no good days, you absolutely need to get connected with gratitude. In fact, you can start here 🙂
How quickly can you list 10 moments that you are thankful for TODAY? I’ll be giving one Kindle or Nook digital gift copy of Ann Voscamp’s book, One Thousand Gifts, to one person who leaves a comment on this blog. I’ll pick a winner on Wednesday. (It has to be a digital gift because I want to make sure that you get it quickly.)
If you think this post might encourage someone, feel free to share! In fact, that would be awesome!
