by Barb Roose | Nov 7, 2014 | Christian Living/Discipleship
I struggle with patience. Not as much as I used to, but it stays on the top five of things I need to work on. So, I totally related to a hysterical video that I saw at the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta last month. It’s called the “Marshmallow Experiment” on YouTube and has over two million hits. You can watch it below.
This video features school-aged kids who were given a marshmallow and told that if they waited patiently and didn’t eat the one marshmallow, they would receive another when the adult came back into the room. Sounds easy? Not so much.
As soon as the adult left the room, the great struggle began. It wasn’t long before kids abandoned their sedate, calm postures and got all handsy. I giggled while watching these school-aged kids sniff, roll, poke or lick those cylinders of sugary goodness. They kept a guilty eye on the door because of fear of getting caught. But fear didn’t stop a few of those kids from giving up the wait and shoving those fluffy puffs into their mouths.
After watching the video, I wondered what would happen if I switched places with those kids. Marshmallows wouldn’t thrill me, but brownies would. What would happen if I was placed in front of a dozen chocolate peanut butter brownies with chocolate ganache topping and told not to eat them for 60 minutes? What if those brownies looked like this:
Oh My! Photo from sixsistersstuff.com
Could I sit in front that tray for 60 minutes and not touch, sniff or poke them? I think so. (But, if you and I ever sit in front to a platter of brownies together, you should know that I probably licked the tops of them before you sat down. #dibs)
While I would not eat the brownies, I’d spend those 60 minutes feeling the pressure that the intense wanting applied to my waiting. I would bareknuckle my waiting until I came up with a guilt-free, Holy-Spirit approved way to eat a few of those brownies before the clock expired. And if I wasn’t able to think of anything, I would blow on those brownies until a few cocoa-laced crumbs accidently fell off.
When Our Wanting Pressures Our Waiting
Remember the old saying “Good things come to those who wait”? I hate that quote, mainly because if I know something good is waiting for me, then I want it now. I don’t want to have to wait for it. At times, patience feels like a head game. It can be confusing. There are so many things that we want, but we’re often confused about how we are to wait for them.
- Wives who long for husbands or children to go to church or get saved, yet guilt or blackmail their family members to attend each week.
- Christian single women waiting for a husband, but dating men who don’t share their faith.
- Wives angling for a certain type of house or neighborhood because of desire to be seen a certain way RIGHT NOW, even though it creates financial or lifestyle tension.
- Women who desperately want more kids but whose husbands or bodies won’t cooperate.
Just so you know, I’ve been guilty of a few of these. Not proud of admitting that. Just keeping it real.
“Hope Deferred Makes the Heart Sick…”*
We all know what it feels like to wait month after month for something to happen, but that something doesn’t happen. He isn’t asking you out…The house isn’t selling…You’ve been unemployed for months. Disappointment can chip away at our joy and our hope.
If we are not careful, our unfulfilled waiting desires will open like a giant sinkhole in our lives and suck the joy out of everything else. Has your waiting started to drain your joy?
In the Old Testament, there was a man named Abram (later changed to Abraham). He was married to a woman named Sarai (later changed to Sarah). God promised Abram that he would be the ancestor of many, many generations of people. Yet, Abram and Sarai had no biological children.
We often talk about this story from Abram’s perspective, but I like to think about Sarai. I think about Sarai and her waiting. She knew that God told her husband that they would have children. Yet, nothing happened. And Sarai struggled.
During that time, it wasn’t uncommon for a concubine (voluntary slave) to bear children for a barren wife.** A woman named Hagar was Sarai’s concubine. So, Sarai sent Hagar to Abram to get pregnant and bear a child, even though God told them otherwise. It seems that Sarai wanted to help God out, right? I can almost hear her thoughts, “Nothing is happening. I can’t get pregnant. God must have forgotten about me. I have to do something.” (I’ve shared those same thoughts.) So, Sarai gets busy and gets handsy. She sends Hagar to Abram. He literally gets handsy and in time, Hagar gives birth to a son.
Enter Hot Mess and A Crazy
After the baby was born, Sarai acts ugly to Hagar. All of Sarai’s unfulfilled waiting and wanting unleashed at Hagar and her son. Years of months of non-pregnant anguish poured out on a second-class woman, who was a pawn in this sad story. As I reflect on Sarai, perhaps some her bitterness also arises from the regret of trying to force God’s hand before His timing.
What do we learn from this part of Sarai’s life: There is never any peace or joy in trying to force God’s hand. Furthermore, we cannot wait in bitterness and disappointment and expect to develop patience.
Let’s turn our attention to the etymological ancestor of the word patience. It’s a word that we don’t use much anymore: LONG-SUFFERING. This following definition of this word blows me away every time I read it. Here it is:
Long-suffering is the ability to endure what God allows without complaint.***
Long-suffering highlights the idea that waiting is the necessary ingredient in shaping our character and faith. God uses waiting to re-tool, re-shape and renew our character and faith. When we wait in a way that God desires, this means that we lean into our waiting situation and manage the intensity of our want and avoid the temptation to whine. Long-suffering (aka patience) is all about HOW we wait.
This means that we…
…Endure without complaint a family that hates our faith.
…Endure without complaint our difficult current reality.
…Endure without complaint our dreams that aren’t coming true.
…Endure without complaint children who go astray.
…Endure without complaint a marriage that is more struggle than blessing.
…Endure without complaint an illness that overwhelms our wellness.
How does this feel to you? I know it’s hard. It’s hard for me, too. But, learning to endure without complaint is what produces the ability to endure trials, something we all deeply desire. Long-suffering gives back to us in so many ways! It is an anchor to our faith and a catalyst for our character.
Here’s what I’m learning these days about what God wants to do in me through developing Long-suffering:
As I learn to endure, Long-suffering whispers God’s promises to me daily. Pursuing God’s best puts my wanting into perspective.
As I learn to endure, Long-suffering reminds me of the big picture of God’s plan for my life and that diminishes my whining.
As I learn to endure, Long-suffering illuminates God’s strength within me. It gives me the conviction to look into another woman’s eyes and tell her “You’re going to make it.”
As I learn endure, Long-suffering fuels the smile on my face and the joy in my heart during stormy days because I know that God’s got my back and I won’t fall down.
Now, what’s YOUR call-to-action? Do you need to change HOW you are waiting instead of focusing on WHAT you are waiting for? Where do you need to embrace long-suffering in your life?
I’d love to hear your comments. If you think this post might encourage someone else, please share it with them!
References: If you would like more information about the background of a few concepts discussed above, you can click on these links. Still got questions? Send me an email at barbr@cedarcreek.tv
* – Proverbs 13:12
** – http://www.gotquestions.org/concubine-concubines.html
*** – http://biblehub.com/commentaries/galatians/5-22.htm
by Barb Roose | Oct 7, 2014 | Scripture Devotional
There are few movies that have transcended the generations. The “Wizard of Oz” is one of those movies. While my kids weren’t swept away with the same sense of awe that I experienced in my younger years, I could tell they enjoyed it just the same. Seriously, who wouldn’t enjoy the snappy, happy songs, and exciting pre-CGI moments like when mean Ms. Gulch morphed into a witch and the movie switched from black-n-white to Technicolor. It’s like a retro-thrill for us.
Each main character in the movie had a specific need and they believed that there was One who could fulfill that need:
The Scarecrow wanted a brain.
The Tin Man wanted a heart.
The Cowardly Lion wanted courage.
And Dorothy wanted to go home.
(Frankly, I think Dorothy should have been happy enough with those sparkly red shoes. Holla.)
Anywhoo, after the group sashayed down the Yellow Brick Road and crashed the gates of the Wizard’s Emerald City, they had a chance to make the big “Ask.” Yet, the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion all wimped out, instead pushing Dorothy to the forefront to present their needs.
For all of their intent to obtain their heart’s desire, the characters let fear and worry strip away their opportunity to make the “ask.”
And we do, too. Too often, we pass on making the “ask.”
A few days ago, I sat in the bed with a deep pit in my stomach – a deep pit filled to the brim with acidic worry. It wasn’t a life or death situation, but something serious enough for a deep, dark crater to open in the center of my being and fill with burning, bubbly anxiety and fear. The pit seemed to whisper “doom and gloom” over and over again. And, the longer I felt worried, the bigger the pit seemed to get.
You know the feeling?
Luckily, I realized that the pit didn’t own me. I remembered that I didn’t have to listen to the lies from that pit.
Neither do you. We don’t have to let it grow out of control. Here’s some encouragement for you today:
Give all of your worries and cares to God for he cares for you. -1 Peter 5:7
We give our worries to God when we pray. Prayer is talking to God. You don’t need fancy words. My friends, prayer is the only way to combat that horrible doom feeling inside. Prayer fills in the pit. But, you can’t pawn this off on someone else. You have to pray. Even if you are praying for someone else and you are afraid, only you can give your worries to God.
How can you do this today?
1. What specifically are you worried about? Clarify your thoughts as well as your feelings.
2. Tell God about it. Use regular words. Be honest. If you haven’t prayed in awhile, today’s a good day to start!
3. God’s not your magical genie and prayer isn’t an “Easy Button.” The purpose of prayer is to connect yourself to God’s heart and eliminate worry, not to have God give you exactly what you want. The Bible tells us to boldly make our requests known to God, but trust in God’s sovereignty for the outcome.
4. Once you give your fears, worries or anxieties over to God, don’t try to take them back!
Thanks for reading today! What do you worry about? Do you struggle with praying? Tell us about your experience – you can leave a comment here or on my Facebook page. Also, if you think that others would find this post helpful, I’d love you to share it with them. God bless! Barb
by Barb Roose | Sep 19, 2014 | Uncategorized
I’m on my iPhone way too much. Yes, I admit it.
My phone is always beeping, buzzing, ringing (kinda), dinging and it’s got me trained to look at it every time. A few weeks ago, I realized that it was time to get a handle on this issue. So, I decided to activate a tech solution to help me with my tech problem. In fact, I found the “Moment” app to help me monitor social media usage.
Yet, salvation came from another place.
sad face…not really.
At some point during my daughter’s soccer game, I removed my phone from its safe place inside my wallet and placed it on my lap. As I jumped up to cheer for my girl, my phone tumbled down to the concrete ground and landed face down.
As I looked at the shattered screen, I wasn’t mad. Frankly, I was relieved. That spider web of new cracks across my screen looked horrible, but those razor sharp lines provided a powerful boundary. In my desire to avoid slicing my finger tip open, I immediately lost interest in picking up my phone every 10 minutes just to see what’s going on.
Now, I’m on my phone less. While I can’t quantify how much less, I just know it’s less and that’s a good thing. Instead of looking down on a regular basis, I’ve been freed to keep looking up. And, it’s always good to remember that the best of life happens when we are looking up.
Just a reminder to treasure your present because you can’t get it back…
Every moment that I’m looking up rather than looking down is a moment that I can connect with someone, rather than something.
Every moment that I look up versus looking down is a chance to smile at or encourage someone who crosses my path.
Every moment that I look up instead of looking down is a moment to observe those that I love and think of how blessed I am to have them in my life.
Today’s lesson: Look up. Because you’ll never know what you’re missing if you don’t.
Earlier today, I watched a thought-provoking video called “Smart Phones and Dumb People.” It’s a few minutes long – and since social media has trained us to only watch videos that are :58 or less, you’ll have to just gut this one out because it’s worth the watch.
How are you doing with your technology use? Are you obsessed with your iPhone, iPad, Kindle, X-Box, etc? If you’ve conquered your tech obsession, how did you do it? Tell us more – and feel free to share this post if you think others might enjoy it.
P.S. Thanks to our CedarCreek MOMentum leadership team for creating such a great teaching moment and including this video as part of it.
by Barb Roose | Sep 11, 2014 | Reflections
Mattie Lincoln
Where were you on the morning of September 11, 2001? (How many times have we been asked that question?)
We were all doing “morning things.” Breakfast. Coffee. Commute. Riding a bus to school. Watching PBS with your little ones on an actual television because there were no iPads back then.
And then it happened. That morning, I was driving through downtown Toledo half-listening to the radio. Yet, something in the radio host’s voice captured my attention. “We’re hearing reports of a plane that may have flown into the World Trade Center…”
As the morning unfolded, we walked into a living nightmare that we had never dreamed. After watching the World Trade Center towers collapse over and over again, I escaped to my office at the non-profit organization I worked for at the time and shut the door. Then, there was a knock.
One of my clients, a 27-year-old college student and mother of a two-year-old stepped through my doorway with a pained look on her face. “I have stage III breast cancer,” was all she said. Her name was Mattie Lincoln and her toddler son’s name was LJ.
September 11 wasn’t just the worst day in American history, it was also the worst day of Mattie’s life.
As our nation and our hearts struggled to come to terms with what 9/11 meant to our way of life and security, Mattie struggled with what it meant to be a mother and student battling an aggressive cancer . As the months passed and we watched memorial services and tributes to those who lost their lives, Mattie would grapple with meaning life and death as well.
Between cancer treatments and work, Mattie stuck with her education and graduated with her Bachelor’s Degree. She would even be able to work in her professional field for a time. But, her struggle with cancer continued. Over the next 10 years, Mattie would battle cancer throughout her body. Yet, she kept fighting. Mattie had this swagger about her. Even as her hair fell out and her framed thinned, she could still fill a room with her voice and her laugh.
The last time I saw Mattie was in June 2009. Her son, LJ, stood next to her as we talked. He had grown into a tall, lean little man, standing next to his mother with a fiercely protective look in his eyes. We stood on the corner of Bancroft and Scottwood Ave. in front of the Ann Manor Condominiums talking about life, struggle and faith.
I remember hugging Mattie that final time. It’s such a blessing that God created our bodies with the power to create enduring memories with when we connect with others. Just the memory of that final hug brings tears to my eyes.
Mattie passed away a year later in June 2010. She was 36 years old.
I spoke with her mother shortly before the funeral. It’s hard to imagine how it feels to be a mother watching her child fight for so long and willingly let that child go in order to be free of the pain, but Mattie’s mother did just that. Mattie was the second child she buried, yet her mother had the strength to celebrate Mattie’s life. I admire her so very much.
So, on this day, when we remember those who lost their lives and the brave individuals who sacrificed for so many, I also remember Mattie.
by Barb Roose | Aug 18, 2014 | Uncategorized
If you need a recipe, here’s one for Nutella Ice cream: bit.ly/1rio3ut
We still have one more week of summer vacation at Casa de Roose. However, many of you are bundling your offspring back to school this morning, so I want to share my back-to-school tradition with you: After the kids leave the house, I eat a bowl of ice cream.
Yes, on the first day of school, after the photos are posted and the kids depart, I plop myself on the couch with a spoon. Straight out the container at 8am. And it’s AWESOME!
Why eat ice cream at 8am right out of the container? First, I earned it! You did, too! Let’s be serious – you managed your kids all.summer.long. Some of those days were pretty long. Certain years, my ice cream moment comes with sheer giddiness because we all got through the summer and no one (me) wrung anyone’s (them) neck.
Secondly, on some back-to-school years, ice cream helps to stop the tears. It’s a shock to realize that your baby is heading down the sidewalk toward kindergarten, sixth grade, high school or starting his or her senior year. That’s a lot for a mama heart to absorb! Sometimes, ice cream helps us to embrace that moment and all of the feelings that come with it. (And if you are a milestone-mama this morning or next week, You’re going to be okay.)
My oldest daughter, Kate (right), on her first LAST day of school this morning at West Point/USMA. Her roommate, Bri is on the left. Sigh.
Every day, we mamas grind it out. We’re caring, bossing and moving our kids along. Often, the days blur in and out. But, the first day of school is our annual reminder of how far we’ve come. Yet, that reality never seems to focus until we snap that back-to-school picture.
Seriously, that back-to-school photo crashes me some years. We see our kids with fresh eyes in their new clothes. We see them moving toward the future and we’re not always ready for that. But, that picture reminds us that it’s coming.
(I wish I was at your homes to see the five minutes BEFORE that calm, sweet back-to-school photo – ha! For many of us, the back-to-school photo is a hostage situation under the best of circumstances. I challenge some mom out there to post the picture BEFORE the picture. Who’s gonna do it!)
A moment to start looking forward…
As I sit with my container of ice cream, I envision my kids walking toward their classrooms for the first time. I pray their new classes, lunch time, the tricky combination lock and that their new friends will be good influences on them. I also pray for their teachers and administrators because, well, God bless ’em. By the way, I always toast one scoop to all the teachers out there. This one is for you, teachers!
So, that’s my tradition. I’ll do it next week. I’m only sending one kid back to school for the first time in 16 years. So, there will be a few tears in that ice cream. And a few smiles when I remember, two down, one to go.
Talk back to me! Do you have a back-to-school tradition? How’s the photo moment really going down at your house? What are you celebrating about your school year? Tell us about it!
And if you think that another mama might enjoy this post, please share it with her. Thanks!
If we are not careful, our unfulfilled waiting desires will open like a giant sinkhole in our lives and suck the joy out of everything else. Has your waiting started to drain your joy?
