by Barb Roose | Apr 11, 2014 | Women's Topics
Samantha leaving for camp this past Monday
So, it’s the end of the school year. Many of you are celebrating kindergarten or high school graduations and every other kind of milestone in-between. If you’ve got a few tissues left and want to keep that nostalgic feeling going, this re-post about letting go of our children grow up is dedicated to you…
This week, my 18-year old daughter, Samantha, has been away at camp. A few months ago, she interviewed to be a 5th grade camp counselor and was thrilled to be selected.
My soon-to-be-graduated senior bolted from my car on Monday with a big smile on her face. As she grabbed her bags and slammed the car door (because SOMEONE doesn’t have her license yet…) Samantha’s final words were: “Have a great week, Mom. Don’t miss me.”
I have missed her this week. And, I’ve also realized that the time is quickly approaching that I will be missing her much more and often. She graduates from high school at the end of next month and my second child will be off to begin her life.
“Don’t miss me, Mom…”
Springtime always reminds me that life is meant to grow and blossom. Even our kids…
Sami, Kate and Abbie – Christmas 2000
When my girls were babies, there was no Facebook or any other social media. Which meant that there was no reason to take weekly photos of my little Roosters spread on a pretty blanket with a chalkboard or ABC blocks with their ages on it.
But, I did have a disposable Fuji camera, y’all. Only 2 out of the 24 pictures ever turned out nicely, but those memories were captured just the same. I’ve got stacks of slightly blurry, kinda dark photos of some very special moments.
First smile…first up-the-back diaper blowout…first jar food…first sleeping in the crib…first ride on the tricycle…first unplanned haircut…
Back then, motherhood was all about getting my children to those “first” moments. “When will they…?” was always on my mind. The thrill of motherhood meant that I couldn’t wait for those “first” moments.
That is, until those “first” moments started to take my girls away from me…
Matt, Kate and Samantha on Kate’s first day of kindergarten. Seems like yesterday…
Mamas, remember those first steps? Remember the moment when your little one let go of your fingers? Your heart burst with pride and fear at the same time. Those first steps away from you were the best and worst moment of your life. As much as you embraced your child’s new journey, there was something deep inside that urged you to push that baby down and tie him or her to a safety seat. Go, go, go…no, stay with me…
Once our kids start moving on their own, it just seems that they are constantly moving away from us. And we want them to go. But, we want them to stay, right?
While writing this post, my oldest daughter emailed me to let me know that she’s going to New Mexico this summer. That’s in addition to her trip to South Korea and two weeks of training. So, this summer, she’ll be home for only five days. Less than 150 hours.
“Don’t miss me, Mom…”
Over the years I’ve discovered that ‘letting go’ is a season all it’s own. We don’t just let go on any given day. Instead, there are many, many letting go moments. Good moments that taste bittersweet. Good moments that make us smile and cry at the same time. Like the last time we nurse our babies or the day we dismantle the crib. Letting go moments when they go on the first sleepover or finish that big project on their own.
The year that my oldest daughter turned 16 was horrible. I knew that one day she would want to drive away without me. In my nightmares and daydreams, I could only think of her getting into a car accident and being taken from me. I didn’t want her to drive, but she insisted on getting her license. Months later, she hoped into the car and drove away on her own. Just like that.
I let go. (And I survived.)
After two decades of parenting, I finally settled into the realization that “letting go” is a season because it takes time for us mamas to do it. We don’t just wake up one morning and feel okay with the speed at which our children are growing up. We’re thrilled when they learn to tie their shoes, ride to the end of the block or stay over night. Yes! But, we struggle against the place that says It’s going so fast… Yep, it is.
And as much as want our kids to burst into independence and find their place in the world, deep in our hearts, we want to tie our children down to keep them close forever. But, we know that’s not love. That’s not what they need. We need to let go.
So, if you are like me and these days your children are growing up, smile. They are doing exactly what you’re nurturing them to do – even if right now they are making decisions that hurt your mama heart. They are taking on the world, whether they are scooting, crawling, walking, running, driving or flying away from you. You can’t always go with them, but your love is indelibly stamped on their lives. They’ll always take a piece of your heart whereever they go.
Samantha graduation on June 1. Photo Credit: Jeff Wirebaugh, MD
This summer, I’ll hold my breath while one piece of my heart criss-crosses the country for a few weeks before heading overseas. Another piece of my heart will cross a high school graduation stage and search for her place in the world (and I’ll embrace my role as an advisor on the sidelines). A third piece of my heart will travel to summer camp and to a lot of sleepovers. Don’t miss me, Mom!
I’ll try not to, honey…
If you enjoyed this blog and you think another mama might enjoy it, feel free to share. Thanks!
by Barb Roose | Apr 7, 2014 | Uncategorized
Hi friends, I usually like to post something inspirational or encouraging. But, not today. Today, I just want to share four things that gross me out. Here they are:
1. Hotdog chunks with spaghetti
This is the photo that started it all. I saw this on Facebook tonight and gagged. I didn’t almost gag. I gagged.
The only reason I’m posting this photo is just so that you can see what I am talking about. My apologies to every mother whose pinned this culinary fail, but you can do better than this. Com’on, Mom, resist.
First of all, hot dogs and spaghetti don’t go together. I’m not sure why I even need to explain this. There’s no amount of ketchup that can overcome this ill-conceived combination. Look at this picture – it looks like the hotdogs are hemorrhaging noodles like some kind of alien birth. Or worms. Aaggghhh!!! Hot dogs and spaghetti don’t go together, people. Yikes!
2. Touching raw meat with my hands
I’m a wimp. I’ll admit it. As a fan of historical literature, I give thanks to God that He allowed me to be born in the 1970’s. And in the suburbs. If I would have been born 100 years before, I would have been beaten or sold the first time they sent me out to kill a chicken for dinner. “Com’ on Barb, you would’ve killed that chicken and plucked its feathers to survive.” Nope. I can tell you that I wouldn’t have. Post-Civil War Barbie would have died of starvation by the side of the road. I know it doesn’t make sense. (Remember, I’m the same girl who jumped out of an airplane to avoid touching a tarantula.)
Here are the two tools I can’t cook dinner without…
I love meat. Clarification: I love most kinds of meat. But, I HATE touching it. Just the thought of ground beef squishing around my fingers gives me the willies. The though of touching slithery, cold chicken flesh tempts me to go vegetarian every single time I cook. But, I lose interest in the meat-free lifestyle once dinner hits the table.
Since my family is fond of eating and I like feeding them, tongs and forks are my friends. I can use the tongs to pick up and flip the meat. Forks can be used to spear the meat and stabilize it for slicing or chunking.
We had baked chicken tonight for dinner. Those tongs came in handy. But I made sure to wash them before taking the photo.
3. Food in the bathroom
Last week was April Fools’ Day. A clever person in our office posted “Watch out for the Leak” signs in our bathroom. At first, I tiptoed around the stalls, hoping to avoid whatever might be seeping across the floor. When I swung open the bathroom stall, I found the “leak”:
I laughed at the pun. It was funny and I appreciated the chuckle.
But, I couldn’t use the bathroom.
Food in the bathroom freaks me out.
Sure, I’ve finished a piece of toast as I’ve crossed into the bathroom to brush my teeth, but that’s all I can stomach. I’m a firm believer that invisible super-power poop particles are suspended in our bathroom air just waiting to land atop anything edible. I shudder to think that one of those microscopic particles could float down from the air and land on my morning yogurt or atop my buttery spread.
4. Finally, Tapioca…
It’s just gross. Looks like the backs of eyeballs clustered in a bowl. And, I’m not going to show you a picture of it. Yuck.
So, that’s it for the things that gross me out. If you were looking for something uber spiritual, stay tuned for another post this week (which means I probably need to write something). For now, I hope this post makes you smile on a Monday morning. Of course, feel free to leave a comment or share this post if you think it will make your friends smile, too.
See you soon, friends!
by Barb Roose | Mar 21, 2014 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Uncategorized
Bad news always feels like a punch in the gut, right?
This morning, I logged onto Facebook and saw that a young mother had lost her 2 1/2 year old little girl last night. This sweet baby suffered from a congenital disease and while her family knew that the precious one’s life would be short, nonetheless, the news came as a shock. By now, hundreds of people have posted their sympathies on her wall, including me.
Earlier this week, our senior pastor and my boss announced that he has Parkinson’s Disease. Many of you read Lee’s eblast on Wednesday night to the church. I’m not sure about you, but all kinds of emotions charged through my body. Shock. Sadness. Shock. These are sensations that we’ve experienced in our own lives as well as felt them for others.
One of the hardest facts of our human existence is that we cannot take away another’s pain. We want to. But, we can’t. And frankly, that sucks.
So, what do we do when tragedy or crisis strikes those that we care about?
What I’m about to say isn’t rocket-science, in fact it’s pretty simple. It might even be so simple that some of you might be offended because this advice seems too trite. Maybe, but sometimes, less really is more.
When it comes to talking to friends and acquaintances going through tough times, follow the “KISS” rule – keep it simple – by sticking with these three phrases:
1. “I’m sorry that you have to go through this.” STOP. This sentence is the exact right length to let someone know that you empathize with what he or she is going through.
Believe it or not, “I’m so sorry” is self-explanatory. It’s your expression of concern that the other person will value, not the amount of words that you use.
If the person wants to talk, they’ll keep talking – but let them make the call. If you feel that you want to say more, one great suggestion is to send a card. Cards are great way to express how you feel, yet give the person in need time to truly absorb your heartfelt sentiment.
2. “Is there anything I can do to help?” STOP. The best thing about humanity is our drive to rally in when tragedy strikes. It’s the part of us that digs deep to bring dishes to wakes, contribute to funds for fallen firefighters or provide resources to families whose loved ones are in a missing plane somewhere on our planet. However, bombarding the person in need with help can make them feel less in control than they already do. Yes, I know you’ve got great intentions! But, there is a time and place for everything.
The most respectful thing that we can do is let the person ask for help. (This is different if the one in need is a young child or an immediate family member, then the conversation is somewhat different.) Here, I’m talking about friends or acquaintances that have suffered a crisis or tragic situation.
Yes, there are people who struggle to ask for help, but most people will reach out. If you see a glaring need that must be addressed, offer specific suggestions like, “Can I make dinner for your family and drop it off next week?” or “Can I pick you up for your doctor’s appointment tomorrow?” If the person in need declines, accept it. Please don’t be offended and don’t badger them into saying “yes” to something he or she doesn’t want to accept in the moment. They may call later on after reflecting on your offer.
3. I’m praying for you. STOP. Prayer is powerful. Too often, we underestimate the amazing strength that comes from petitioning God on behalf of someone in need. Now, if you tell someone you will pray for them, they will be counting on your prayers! My tip: As soon as I say that I will pray for someone, I pray for them as soon as possible. Why? Because I’m likely to forget!
Here’s the thing about prayer…sometimes, God allows difficult or tragic circumstances to drive us to pray. Notice I didn’t say that God causes bad things to happen. In our fallen world, bad things do happen to good people. Yet, God can use hard things in life to help us – and strengthen our faiths. So, our prayers aren’t just for the person in need, but prayer strengthens our faith as well.
One tip…if someone you know is dealing with a long-term illness or difficult situation, send them a card every few weeks to let them know you are still praying for them. I know that God will use those cards and have them arrive at the times that person will need some extra encouragement.
Conclusion…
When we run into someone who is going through a hard time, don’t worry about being eloquent or a super-fixers, just keep it simple. Stick to those three statements and you’re concern and love for them will shine through.
TALK BACK TIME! What did you think of this post? Too simple? If you disagree, then what should people say when others experience difficult times in life?
By the way, if this post was helpful, please share it with others.
by Barb Roose | Mar 10, 2014 | Uncategorized
Here’s a portion of an email that I received from a woman about my “Trust Fall” message this past weekend:
“For me, I have a hard time trusting God with uncertainty. I like to know when, where, and how all things are going to happen. Over the past 6 months I have had everything that I had thought was for certain turned upside down.”
Can you relate to her story?
After this weekend’s message, I met a woman who told me about her benign brain tumor. It was discovered while the doctors were running tests after a simple dental surgery gone wrong.
“I’m so thankful that this tumor is benign. But, this tumor now serves as my reminder that I have to trust God, because I don’t know the future. I just have to trust Him.”
It’s interesting that this woman considers her brain tumor a gift that helps her to remember to trust God. Sometimes, I think that we all might benefit from something that makes it necessary for us to depend on God daily rather than think that we’ve got it all under control. Because we don’t. There’s so much of life that is outside of our control.
from inspirably.com
Here’s a tidbit that I didn’t have time to share this weekend…
It’s one of the writings that speaks into my heart so deeply because as a reforming control-freak, I struggle to navigate the uncertainties of life. I like to prepare for bad times – sounds silly, but I do. In fact, I have a “tornado box” in my basement filled with food, blankets, tools and water. Every few year, I update the box. You should know that I am big believer in life insurance and we own a 20′ fire ladder that we’ve (thankfully) never used. I like to prepare for uncertain times. (Did I mention I’m a reforming control-freak?)
Yet, we can’t prepare for everything, can we? Bad things happen to bad people. Bad things happen to good people, too.
Let me introduce you to a guy named Habbakuk. (Say it like this: “Ha-bac-kuk”…good job!)
Habbakuk was one of God’s prophets living in ancient times and his homeland was going to be invaded. Things were going to be bad. In his writings, Habbakuk talks about an enemy that would come in and hold his countrymen captive. This enemy would kill their crops and animals and destroy the fruit-bearing trees in their land. Like a storm in the distance, Habbakuk saw devastation was coming and he couldn’t stop it. What was he going to do? Here is his decision written in Habbakuk 3:17-19:
Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
able to tread upon the heights.
Here’s what one author said about this passage of scripture: “Habbakuk found peace in knowing that the presence of God is the bounty found in scarcity. God’s presence makes all the difference. He therefore had resolved to be joyful, not superficially with his eyes closed to the problems and injustices, but by looking difficult circumstances and hard truth in the face and then accepting that in it all God would fulfill His good purposes.”*
Here’s a tough question: Are you able to say “…yet, I will rejoice in the Lord” even though you face uncertain times today?
Yes, those words are difficult to say when there is not end in sight to your problems or your suffering. Those words are tough when we see your loved ones around you suffering.
I wanted to share Habakkuk’s words with those of you who are in that “free-fall” space that I talked about this weekend – that place where you have no control, yet there is no outcome. I’ve heard from those of you who’ve suffered from lifelong illnesses, children who’ve been on drugs for years as well as wives or husbands who’ve prayed and prayed for their spouses to come to faith in Christ. I can’t imagine how difficult life is for you, but I know that God’s promises are true for you, too. God cannot lie and He won’t go back on His promise to help.
My friends, we’ve got to remember that God’s goodness, love and power can help us endure through any circumstance! Don’t underestimate God’s ability to help once you give over control of the uncontrollable and trust Him instead. Here’s a great way to sum up today’s post with some great wisdom:
“As you walk through the valley of the unknown, you will find the footprints of Jesus both in front of and beside you.” Charles Stanley
One more thing… If you enjoyed the “Trust Fall” illustrations, here’s another great video about trusting Christ from the Skit Guys. Let me know what you think about this and today’s blog post. Feel free to share your story in the comments or on my Facebook page!
* –http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/the-peace-of-faith-dennis-davidson-sermon-on-faith-134359.asp
by Barb Roose | Feb 22, 2014 | Uncategorized
This is what my life feels like sometimes…
It took me two hours to get home on Wednesday afternoon. Two. Hours.
For my friends in big cities, I know that two hours doesn’t mean much to you. However, for the rest of us in mom-and-pop cities, we’re not built for that kind of windshield time. You big city folks got the patience, cool sports teams and great night life to put up with that kind of drama on the highway.
I do not.
I needed to pick up the kids at 4:30pm. Naturally, I left the office at 4:25pm to make the 16-minute drive to school. As I merged onto the expressway that carries me halfway to my destination, I could see the traffic back-up almost immediately. And I heard a voice that always comes out whenever I see a traffic back-up:
“Barb, it’s time to ‘call the ball.'”
Don’t let the picture distract you. Keep reading. But, it is a nice picture, right?
Remember Tom Cruise’s character in Top Gun? He had to “call the ball” when bringing his plane in for landing on the aircraft carrier. The phrase meant that he acknowledged the path and committed to it. So, when I saw the traffic backing up in front of me, I had two choices. It was time for me to “call the ball.”
There was an exit about 1/4 of a mile away. I did a quick calculation. If I exit now, then I can detour down and around in less time than crawling through this mess at -2mph.
I called it wrong.
When I exited the expressway, the new path carried an entirely new set of challenges. I totally forgot that thousands of other cars already exited the expressway parking lot creating a new parking lot along my new path. Not only that, but the road conditions on the alternative route were even worse! I saw some potholes that really should be considered sinkholes…
As I snaked through my new route, I had lots of time to evaluate my failed strategy. Lots o’ time. And, I saw many new things. Let me just say this: Some of y’all doing some weird stuff in your cars when you think no one is looking. You should stop, okay?
About an hour into my trip, I was furious. Okay, I was more than furious, but since I’m a pastor I can’t say what I was because then you’ll be like “Ooohhh, did you see what Barb said?” and then Kyle would Facebook the link to my blog so more people could see it and then — wait. Hey, this could work…
Why was I so angry? It was just a traffic back-up. Yet, I gripped that wheel and fumed.
I ended someplace I didn’t want to be.
I tried to fix it.
But, things weren’t working out as I’d planned.
No matter how hard I tried, I was stuck in a situation that I tried to get around it, but it didn’t work. I still had to go through it anyways.
A metaphor about life these days…
Enough about me, what about you?
What hasn’t been working out as planned for you lately? What have you been trying to get through, get around or get over?
A relationship that goes two steps forward and 200 back…
A job that you’ve been working hard at but not getting anywhere…
Kids – both big and small – that can’t or won’t straighten up and fly right…
Dealing with bills, bills, bills and you can’t ever seem to get ahead…
Maybe even trying to figure out what you believe about God, but too many voices telling you what you should believe…
Life Interruptus
This winter seems to be a metaphor for my life. I developed a case of Life Interruptus. You know, that disease that makes you upset, angry, fearful, worried, irritable and grumpy. When you suffer from it, you say things like: “I can’t believe THIS HAPPENED!, “What NOW?” or “I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS!!! One of the hallmark symptoms of Life Interruptus is the that your thoughts tend to feel like they are in ALL CAPS. Raise your hand if you’ve had Life Interruptus at some point this winter. Mine’s up, too.
What to do, what to do?
After I made the two-hour trip home, picked up the kids and apologized to my dogs for making them wait waaaay too long to go out, I went to bed early. I was drained from the inconvenience and frustration of the afternoon.
After a few days of reflection, I realized I didn’t handle myself well on Wednesday. I needed a reminders about dealing with Life Interruptus:
1. Life ALWAYS interrupts our plans. Promise yourself to stop getting grumpy about Life’s small unexpected changes. School might get canceled, so prepare in advance for it. Tires might blow out, so be ready for it. Lanes and exits will close, so (Barb) leave the house earlier!
Also, embrace interruptions as opportunities. You never know what good can come from an unexpected phone call, unexpected diagnosis or unexpected job loss. Now, the “good” in that situation might not happen until later, but you’ve got to be on the look out for it.
2. It’s usually best to go through things, than try to get around them. If you’ve got some problem or issue in life, stop avoiding it and stop trying to skirt around it. By all means, if you know you’ve got a problem or if people are telling you that you’ve got a problem, snap out of denial! Deal with it! If you’re not handling your finances, health, anger, addiction, perpetual crankiness – get help. You can’t get over what you’re trying to avoid.
3. HOW you get through life’s interruptions is important. How do two people face the same set circumstances and one come out better for it and one come out worse? It’s about attitude. So, here’s the Jesus-part of my story: I believe that in all things, God is in control and He will take care of IT. This doesn’t mean that I’m not going to do my part, it just means that I know that I’m not alone in going THROUGH my stuff. This means that I can get through Life Interruptus without melting down every five minutes because I can find strength and hope in Christ. I’m smart enough to know that too often, Life hands out more than I can handle. So, yes, I lean on Christ. And, I’m much better for it.
My hope and prayer for you today is that if you’ve got a case of Life Interruptus, that you’re sick enough of it to get rid of it. God is in control and He will take care of IT…and you.
