Today is one of those hard dates on the calendar that only I remember. Know what I mean?

It’s usually the date of an anniversary of something in your life that you don’t like to remember, but it broke your heart so deeply that you can’t forget.

Four years ago on March 13, I went to Family Court for the first time to stand before a divorce court judge. I would also see my then-spouse that I hadn’t seen in eight months since the start of our third separation. Every day, I prayed and begged for a miracle of reconciliation that only God could pull off.

On that day in front of the judge, I realized that the miracle wasn’t going to happen. The sound of the judge’s gavel sounded a lot like the closing of a coffin.

While it would take many more months and court appearances officially bury my 26 year marriage, that day in court changed me forever. I felt the ripping of the marriage union of one back into two now broken pieces and I couldn’t stop it.

Facing the death of my hopes, dreams and identity traumatized me in a way that literally left me speechless. For three days, I couldn’t speak. I could text, but words could not come out of my mouth. For a variety of reasons, I know that was God’s way of protecting me because I was forced to rest, be still and let my body deal with the trauma instead of trying to buck up and soldier on.

Last week, I could feel my body getting agitated. When my body starts feeling weird, I’ve learned to look at the calendar. I saw that March 13 was coming. Bingo.

Chances are, you’ve got a March 13 in your life. The date of loss that there are no Hallmark cards for but should be.

💔For you, it might have been the one who got away and you remember the date on the calendar when they left your life;

💔Perhaps it was the day when the doctor came in and shared a diagnosis that ended the life that you knew and changed how you life forever;

💔 An announcement that blindsided or broke your heart;

💔Or it was the day when an fiery fight ruined a friendship or family relationship;

💔 The day when a job loss or layoff that killed dreams of financial security or forced a new lifestyle that you weren’t prepared for…

For all of our differences, we all share the experience of grief, loss and broken dreams. It’s hard, but I promise that God can bringing restoration, healing and peace.

How do I know? That’s what He’s done for me since that painful day 💗

A few thoughts for you:

1. What you lost matters, even if the people around you don’t understand how important it was to you. God does. He validated your loss and He doesn’t minimize it. (Psalm 34:18)

2. Be honest about your loss. Stop stuffing it. Cry it out, my friend. If you don’t acknowledge it, the sadness and pain will ooze out as depression, anger and bitterness.

3. Grieve healthy: Get a counselor. It helps! Also You may need to have what I call “an emotional funeral.” I’ve been doing them for over a decade. This is a biblical tool that I developed to help me grieve, let go and make room for God’s peace and healing in my life. Here's the link  if you want to try the exercise this week.

God sees you, my friend. You aren’t alone in the losses that no one knows about 💗

I’ve noticed that when I have conversations with my friends or colleagues, there’s a marked increase in comments like, “Sheesh, life feels so much harder than before…” So many of us are having such a hard time.

I receive your emails and DM’s about your medical diagnosis, rebellious children, troubled marriages, financial stress and the loss of loved ones. In the last few years, it feels like we’ve all lost so much.

Did you know that there is a word that describes the sense of loss, sadness, depression or anger? It’s called grief.

How you handle your grief determines if you will get better in life or if you will live bitter.

When life doesn’t go as planned, it’s easy for us to get depressed, angry or both. We know that bad things will happen, but we get bitter when we hold onto what’s missing, broken or changed and refuse to let go. In the face of loss, grief plays an important role in giving us an opportunity to let go, move forward and find peace.

Can I introduce you to a biblical healing tool that I created: The "Emotional Funeral." Here are three indicators in your life that you need to have an Emotional Funeral:

1. The opportunity or experience is no longer possible, even if you want it to be.
2. The person or people involved are not willingly cooperating.
3. You sense that God is calling you to let it go.

You have permission to have a funeral right now, if necessary. Give God time to move out your hurt and pain in order to fill that space with His love, healing and peace.

In many cultures, grief is honored. There's an understanding that when someone or something is lost, everyone has permission to feel the pain and sadness.

Unfortunately, in our American culture, grief is considered an inconvenience. It's an uncomfortable emotion that we'd rather shove at the back of the line behind our need to be productive, successful or unbothered.

But grief is big. It's loud, even when we think that we've silenced it. If we don't listen to Grief, it starts to scream in other languages, like self-medicating, depression or  self-harm until it gets our attention.

But, if we honor Grief, it has the potential to be a gift. Grief can become the fertile ground for new joy, hope and even purpose.

Grief plays an important role in helping us accept that pain and disconnection are part of our fallen world. The only way toward health and healing is to embrace grief, fully feel it, and then learn the practice of releasing it back to God.

We all need to grieve these days. I want to help you. If you set aside time to do the following exercise, you will feel relief from some of the tremendous sadness that is building up within all of us.

Here’s how I do this exercise. There are three steps:

Step #1: Be Real

I choose an afternoon for this experience. Then, I pack a blanket, my Bible, a notebook, and a packet of tissues. Then I drive down to a beautiful river a few miles from my house. First, I lay out my blanket on a patch of grass overlooking the water. Then I open up my notebook and begin listing all the unanswered prayers, unmet expectations, and unfilled dreams. I have to be real about what I've lost.  On that day, I need to go through the process of letting go of lost time, lost opportunities, or lost options. Holding onto what has died isn’t healthy or helpful. Letting go is painful but important.

I’m often writing with one hand and wiping my tears with a tissue in the other. The sentences in my notebook begin with phrases such as, “I really hoped,” “I wished,” “I truly thought,” or “I prayed so hard that …” Here are some of my funeral notebook entries:

I wished that I had more time with my dad…

God, I really prayed hard for You to remove the addiction from our home…

God, I hoped so much for a chance to speak at that event…

Step #2: Remember God's Promises

Once I empty myself of disappointments and dead dreams, I grab my Bible and my go-to verses on hope are Jeremiah 29:11 or Isaiah 61:1-3.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

I read these verses slowly and even insert my name into the verses. I reflect on God's faithfulness and how He brought me through the difficult circumstance even though it didn't turn out as I'd hoped.

Step #3: Release It All to God

Finally, I pray and surrender the hopes, dreams, expectations that will not be. I acknowledge that my prayer wasn't answered as I'd hoped. This is often a time where the tears flow and big feelings rise up. Sometimes, you may not even have words to say, but you can trust God’s Holy Spirit to speak when I can’t say the words. My funeral prayer is in below.

Letting go and trusting God to bring new life from what you've lost is essential if you want to get better and not bitter.

Here's the Prayer of Release:

I dreamed that (name of dream), but that dream isn’t going to come true. I really wanted it, God! And it hurts. But I need to let that dream die. I need to mourn it and move it out of my heart so that You can fill the space with a new thing for me. Amen.

Conclusion:

What I’ve learned over the past decade of having  emotional funerals is that when I let go of my dead dreams, God plants new ones in the fertile soil of faith that has formed as I fought in prayer for those dying dreams or desires.

My prayer is that when you engage in this exercise, you recognize that God can take your grief and give you healing peace and new dreams for your life.

I'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU! LEAD A COMMENT BELOW: What are you grieving these days?  Do any of those indicators apply to your life? Is this Emotional Funeral something that you think that you'd like to do? 

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

Are You in a "Waiting Room Season" of Life?

In my four-week study, I'm Waiting, God, you'll step into the lives of four women in the Bible who experienced waiting room seasons of life. It's never easy when we pray and have to wait on God, yet, God is always working, even if when you can't see Him.

I'm Waiting, God offers you deep Bible study, extensive verses on hope as well as practical tools that you can use to learn how to wait well on God. Click here to learn more about this Bible study!

Original Post written on February 2019 by Barb Roose, updated February 2023

While this isn’t necessarily my first Valentine’s Day that I’ve spent alone, it’s the first Valentine’s Day where I'm on my own. Sheesh, I didn't realize that one holiday could put so many holes in my heart.

I don't think that I'm the only one who feels this way. At least I hope that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

This blog is directed to the brave woman who is alone on Valentine's Day, whether you are single or single again, no matter how it happened. This is a safe place for you here.

Over the next few days, some of us single gals will need to take extra special care of ourselves and our hearts. There's more triggers out there than military gun range. Whether you're fighting tears looking at happy couples on social media, you're remembering one who promised "till death," but didn't keep the promise or you're battling a losing fight against a lonely hopelessness, I see you, brave friend.

To my single friends who are happy in singleness, I'm thrilled for you. Yet, I've got a request for you: Can you be patient, cheerleader of hope for the hurting brave gals who aren't quite there yet? 

For the brave single friends who are relucantly alone, Valentine's Day brings up uncomfortable questions and unspoken insecurities.

 Am I not pretty enough? Am I not thin enough? What did I do wrong? Will I always be alone?   

Can I offer some gentle advice: Don't beat yourself up today. You're already fighting through enough already. Hint: Valentine's Day is a great day to skip social media. Regardless, be kind to yourself and remember the answers to those questions have absolutely, positively NOTHING to do with who God says that you are.

Here are three truths that may provide validation, relief and comfort for you during Valentine's week:

1. You are God's beautiful, lovable, treasured daughter. You are worthy of His best.  
2. God's love will never let you down, even though romantic human love hasn't lasted or come to reality.
3. It's not wrong for you to want to be loved and cherished.

To my brave, single gal friends who are fighting against heartache and hopelessness, I stand with you today. I want to tell you that you are brave and to keep fighting, even if you're angry that the aching tears of loneliness are still rolling down your face. As I've said before, you can cry and fight at the same time!

Single Brave Woman Action Plan:

My friend, you need a plan to get through Valentine's Day. Here's my plan below. If you've got some to add, share your suggestions in the comments below:

1. Cry it and Write it out —  Tears-R-Us is open for the next 72 hours! Give yourself permission to cry when you need to. Journaling is a powerful way to help you move forward in a healthy way instead of getting stuck in your emotions. Write it down to work through it!

2. Self-Care — Treat yourself like the wonderful, amazing human that you are! Celebrate yourself with healthy choices that reflect self-love as well as God's love for you.  I've got a list of 101 Self-Care ideas that you can download. Pick five or six things on that list and treat yo' self like the brave and beautiful woman that you are!

3. Love the ones you’re with! — Make Galentine's Day a thing! Celebrate each other! Order takeout, light candles, and tell each other how brave and awesome they are.

4. Share the Love - Every year, I throw a Valentine’s Day dinner for my kids. Now that they're grown up and living on their own, I buy small gifts and chocolate and put them in gift bags. For my out of town kids, I mail it to them and that small gesture of unconditional love really makes me feel good as I share the love with them.

You can do this for your kids, parents, friends or extended family.  It's not too late to stop by the store and pick up little gift bags and drop in chocolate, a small gift card or a special handwritten note. It will make you feel all happy and wonderful inside!

5. Write yourself a letter for Valentine’s Day — I’m writing myself a letter this year. I have no idea what next year will look like, but I want This Year Me to let Next Year Me know just how awesome she is. That letter will include the truth about where I’ve come from and what I’ve been through. I will let her know what I’ve been celebrating and what I’m struggling with. I’ll tell her how I’m praying for her over the next year. Once I write and print the letter, I put it away and set a calendar reminder for next year, including the location of the letter!

6. Girl, leave him alone...you know who I'm talking about. Some of you need to temporarily block that guy. You know who I'm talking about. That low-effort guy knows that you're feeling lonely and vulnerable sense it. Don't take his pitiful bait, my brave friend!

TALK BACK TIME: What's the hardest part about Valentine's Day for you? What are your plans for show yourself love or how you'll love others today?

*There's a note it the comments for the married girlfriends reading today.

Have you ever heard of “word clouds?” It’s a visual exercise where you can drop in a block of written content and find out which words you use most often. For example, I used WordClouds.com and inserted the copy from three of my recent Happy Monday devotionals into the generator.

Here’s a picture of the word cloud. The size of the words is related to how often they are used.

Can you tell which words I used most often?

Thankfully, “God” was used most often - kinda important since is a weekly devotional, right? The next word that stands out is “new.” I need help deciding between whether “can” or “today” is tied for third place. Looks like “prayer” is solidly up next. I feel good about that!

Question…If you could put your prayers in a word cloud, what words would be highlighted? Which words in your prayer would be so small that they were barely visible?

For the past few weeks, I’ve highlighted different verses from the psalms because first, the Book of Psalms is awesome, right? Second, I am still celebrating the release of my new book, Finding Jesus in the Psalms and finally, the prayers written in the Book of Psalms meets me where I’m at in my personal life these days.*

Today, let’s talk about some of the words that God loves to hear from you most often. 

Last week, this verse caught eye and brought back an important memory of hearing my childhood pastor, Rev. John Medley at the Fellowship Baptist Church. At the end of every church service, he led our congregation in Psalm 19:14.

Here’s a picture from my Bible of that verse - in my Bible, I draw a heart by my favorite verses, like this one:

Our words reflect what is in our hearts. So, as King David writes these words, what he wants to express is his heart desire to worship God above all else that was happening in his life.

But that’s not easy is it? It’s hard to worship God when you’re wondering about how you’re going to get everything done or you’re worried about the future or different people. Yet, this prayer may be exactly what you and I need to pray more often.

What words or heart attitude is pleasing to God? Today, let’s talk about three phrases that you can say that not only honor God, but also, bless you:

God Loves the Words: "Thank You, God"

God loves it when you tell Him thanks because that means that you are paying attention to where He is present with you, how He is providing for you, when He is sustaining and comforting you. Each time that you stop to give God thanks, you re-center God in your life. Instead of only thinking about yourself, you’re reminded that God is with you and for you. So not only does your gratitude please God, but you are blessed by acknowledging how much God loves you.

God Loves the Words: "Yes, LORD"

This one is hard! But God loves is when you say, “Yes, LORD.” This is your willingness to follow God’s way and not your own. God never will ask you to do something that isn’t for your good. So, when you sense God giving you a direction or you read something in the Bible that pings your spirit, say, “Yes, LORD” and ask for help to do it. There’s a blessed sense of peace when you agree to walk out God’s path for you.

God Loves the Words: "I trust You, God"

Even more challenging than “Yes, LORD” is “I trust You, God.” Most of us are concerned, worried or even terrified about some aspect of the future. But, uncertainty is never uncertain when we trust that God is in control.

It maybe helpful today for you to say aloud right now, “I trust You, God with ________________ in my life.”

You may not feel like saying it, but you can practice saying it until you start believing it. Trusting God is a form of surrender and if you’ve done my Surrendered study, you remember Surrender Principle #6: Surrender is the only path to God’s peace.

I’d love to hear from you! Post a comment and share which one of those phrases are you going to work on saying more often today? 

Calling all book lovers! If you are a fan of Christian fiction, then chances are, you've heard of best-selling author Tessa Afshar. Guess what?! I recently talked with Tessa and in this new episode, we're discussing her new novel, The Hidden Prince, as well as Tessa's fascinating background. She was born in the Middle East, survived boarding school in England and then moved to the United States and came to Christ in her 20s. During today's conversation, you'll find out about how Tessa writes novels to help you embrace God's love and truth in powerful ways.

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

tessaafshar.com

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Tessa Afshar's book have been translated into 11 languages, and loved by fans around the world. Her novels have been on Publishers Weekly and CBA best-selling lists. Her book, The Way Home, God's Invitation to New Beginnings, is the winner of the Christian Book Award in the Bible Study category. Afshar's biblical and historical novels have won a number of awards including the Christy and INSPY, and been named as one of top five Christian fiction titles of the year by Library Journal. Tessa holds a Master of Divinity from Yale, where she was co-chair of the Evangelical Fellowship at the Divinity School for one year. She served in women and prayer ministry for twenty years before becoming a full-time writer and speaker. She is a devoted wife, a mediocre gardener, and an avid lover a chocolate.
Check out this episode!

Sometimes it's hard to determine whether we are hearing God's voice or whether it's our own thinking. It's possible to learn how to hear God's voice in your life!

 In this new episode, Barb talks with the founder of Equipping Godly Women, Brittany Ann about the 6 tips to help you hear God's voice loud and clear in your life.

Brittany Ann leads a large online community committed to helping Christian women live all in for Jesus. She's a wife, mom, and Bible teacher who loves to challenge and encourage women to grow in their faith.

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

equippinggodlywomen.com

Follow God's Will: Biblical Guidelines for Everyday Life

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Brittany Ann is an ECPA bestselling author, speaker, and founder of EquippingGodlyWomen.com, a popular Christian-living website dedicated to helping busy Christian moms find practical ways to go "all in" in faith and family. Brittany is the author of books including "Fall in Love with God's Word: Practical Strategies for Busy Women" and "Follow God's Will: Biblical Strategies for Everyday Life." Her work has been featured on CBN, The Christian Post, Crosswalk, and more.
Check out this episode!

It's not over yet! If you are still breathing, then God has big dreams for you!

Join Barb on this new episode for an inspiring, powerful and at times hysterical conversation with speaker, author, leader, Jo Saxton.

Jo is the founder of the Ezer Collective and dedicated to investing in women leaders around the world. She was born in Nigeria, raised in London and now lives in Minneapolis with her family. Jo's message will encourage and inspire you to go further than you ever could have imagined! 

Barb has admired Jo from afar for many years. In this episode, Jo shares powerful words and wisdom to relight your inner fire and challenge you to own your voice, live out your purpose and how to stop apologizing for your desire for more. 

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

josaxton.com

Jo's Upcoming Ezer Collective Events!

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Jo Saxton is a speaker, podcaster, author, guest TV host and leadership coach. She is the founder of the Ezer Collective and dedicated to investing in women leaders around the world, equipping them to own their voice and embrace their purpose and catalyze their calling. Born to Nigerian parents and raised in London, England, Jo now lives in Minneapolis with her husband, and two daughters. She loves the everyday stuff like good music, good food, and good friends. And Target. She really, really loves Target.
Check out this episode!

When it comes to the topic of race and racial healing, many of us have one of two responses: hide away from the uncomfortable conversation or become overzealous and use our words to cut and hurt others.

In today's episode, our special guest, Dr. Lucretia Carter Berry, shows us a new approach that is characterized by understanding, growth, and grace. 

Barb and Lucretia invite you to join them for an honest, grace-filled but necessary discussion about accepting God's call to dive into the deep (and at times terrifying) waters, taking the time to learn, and rising up to teach and educate our families as well as others in our lives. 

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

brownicity.com

Teaching for Justice and Belonging: A Journey for Educators and Parents

Hues of You: An Activity Book for Learning About the Skin You Are In

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Lucretia Carter Berry, PhD is an author, educator, speaker, and the founder of Brownicity, an agency committed to making important, scholarly-informed, antiracism education accessible, and the director of its learning community.

With the tagline, Many Hues, One Humanity, Brownicity's mission is to foster education designed to inspire a culture of justice and true belonging for all.

Lucretia earned her PhD in Curriculum and Instruction and MA in English from Iowa State University, and her BA from South Carolina State University.

A former college professor, Lucretia's research, experience, and accomplishments lie at the intersections of curriculum and instruction, antiracism education, and instructional technology.

As a wife in an interracial marriage and mom of three multiethnic children, Lucretia brings her personal and professional experience to the public sector where she is passionate about serving children and their adult decision-makers. Her books, courses, and TED Talk quell fears associated with racial literacy.

Her learning-centered approach is inspirational, appreciated, and celebrated. Lucretia is married to Nathan; they live in North Carolina with their three daughters and two aussie-doodles.

Lucretia is the author of:

Hues of You - An Activity Book for Learning About the Skin You Are In'

What LIES Between Us - Fostering First Steps Toward Racial Healing

Teaching for Justice and Belonging - A Journey for Educators and Parents

Check out this episode!

Are you grieving and desperate for people to understand how you really feel? 

 After author Gwendolyn Burton's 26-year old son died suddenly from an epileptic seizure, no one around her could say anything to help her feel better. She's spent years working through the grieving process and has captured her journey and the lessons learned in her new book "You Don't Know Just How I Feel". 

Barb invites Gwendolyn to be raw and honest about the grieving process including how to show kindess and care to someone who is grieving.

Grief is so personal, but in this episode, Gwendolyn shares practical boundaries, grief self-care, how to handle social media as well as how to find hope after devastating loss. 

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

gwendolynoburton.com

You Don't Know Just How I Feel

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

After three miscarriages and an adult son who passed away from sudden unexpected death in epilepsy (SUDEP), Gwendolyn Burton is uniquely qualified to help others navigate their grief journey by discussing common challenges and misconceptions. She studied with grief expert David Kessler, founded Sisters in Solace (SiS), a support group for mothers of child loss, and is a Certified Grief Educator. Gwendolyn enjoys physical fitness and lives in Aurora, Colorado, with her husband, son, and three dogs.

Check out this episode!

If you find that you take a long time to process, feel emotions strongly, or can be highly stimulated by external factors such as scent and taste, chances are that you may be an HSP (highly sensitive person)!

Today on the show, we have the pleasure of hearing from Cheri Gregory, an HSP and the co-creator of Sensitive and Strong, a place where fellow HSPs can grow, encourage one another, and discover the beautiful way that God has made them to function. 

 Being an HSP is an incredible blessing! So whether you think you may be one yourself or know others in your life who exhibit these characteristics, this episode is for you!

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

sensitiveandstrong.com

Take the HSP Quiz!

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Through Scripture and storytelling, Cheri Gregory delights in helping women draw closer to Jesus, the strength of every tender heart. She is the co-leader of Sensitive & Strong, the founder of Write Beside You coaching services, and coauthor of five books. Cheri speaks locally and internationally for women's events and educational conferences. She and her college sweetheart, Daniel, have been married for more than three decades. They've spent the last 15 years living and serving on a Christian boarding school campus on the central California coast. You can connect with SensitiveAndStrong.com.

Check out this episode!