My most comfortable Easter outfit ever 🥰 wearing these comfy clothes, reminded me of childhood Easter outfits that were less than comfortable. Come with me for a trip down Black people Easter memory lane…

I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s in the Black Baptist church where Easter Sunday was synonymous with a fashion show. Finger snaps, please! Each year, Black men wearing the finest of suits, even as they worked in menial labor jobs all week. Black women styling in coordinating suits, hats, shoes, AND purses - can I get an “Amen” in the comments if you remember your grandma or grandfather looking that good!

We kids looked cute, too. Uncomfortable, but cute. Back then, Easter seemed like a lot of work…

The preparation for Easter Sunday began early on Friday or Saturday morning when my mom would wash our hair. Then, either she or my grandma would pull out the hot comb from the drawer next to the stove or under the oven.

For those who know what I’m about to say next, know that I’m still working off the Hot Comb PTSD with you 🤣

I’d sit in a plastic kitchen chair sweating. For the next eternity (that’s how it felt), all I’d hear was “Be still,” “Don’t move,” “Hold your ear so I don’t burn it” and my favorite: “Stay still. That’s why you got burned.”

Mom or grandma would heat the metal comb on the stovetop. (Yes. You read that right. Welcome to Black Hair 101) That nuclear temperature hot comb would pass through my dry, not quite 4C hair saturated with Blue Bergamot hair oil.

Excuse me…grease. Blue Bergamot Hair grease. That’s what we called it.

How did my hair NOT go up in flames?

Grandma would say, “Honey, it hurts to be beautiful.”

We may cringe at those words now. But 40 years ago, there was a hope that Black women had in getting ready for Easter Sunday that they wanted to pass along to us.

These were Black men and women who’d grown up before and after Jim Crow segregation. My parents, grandparents, and their friends were still fighting for respect, their humanity, and livable wage.

Easter was an expensive sacrifice for Black church people back then. Even as a kid, I knew that my mother saved up for the Easter holiday. She would put dresses on lay layaway at Lerner at the mall. I remember going with mom to pick up our Sunday suits. They were packed in fancy cardboard boxes. She’d take us to buy new Sunday shoes - always a size bigger since we’d be wearing them for awhile after the holiday.

While I stand in my comfortable clothes today (which included jeans, something I never could’ve imagined as a kid) I’ll never forget the Easters of years past.

Even now, I can hear the voices of the church mothers and fathers singing in celebration of the risen Jesus in their fine Easter clothes.

Those years planted the importance of honoring the sacrifice and to prepare for the celebration of the resurrection.

While we don’t need a coordinated suits or fancy clothes to honor Jesus’s resurrection, perhaps, it’s a good time to set aside a moment to honor Jesus in your heart. Say thanks. Even if it’s been a long time since you’ve talked to him, say thanks, always.

Have you ever been mistreated and felt it was unfair? 

One of my adult kids reported that some family members had accused me of an unkind act toward another family member. Many family members dropped all communication with me, but I heard gossip about disparaging comments spoken behind my back. I was devastated. How could they think that I'd ever do that? It's not fair! My fingers itched to pick up the phone and find out who started such a stinky lie.

If you're carrying hurt, anger, or resentment, it's tempting to fire off an angry test or lose your temper during a phone call. Maybe you avoid confrontation, so your response is to entertain long, imaginary conversations in your head. None of us like to be mistreated, misunderstood, or maligned. However, someone's bad behavior doesn't have to keep you in the wrong emotional place. 

If you've wrestled with the understandable hurt, anger, or desire for revenge, today's Happy Monday Devotional is for you. King David writes about an unknown but actual time in his life when he struggled with being mistreated. 

David begins this psalm in a pretty emotionally low place:

"I pray to you, O LORD, my rock. Do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you are silent, I might as well give up and die." -Psalm 28:1 NLT

Take a moment and put yourself in King David's place. It's easy for us to think about Bible figures only on paper. Still, David had emotions, and he was deeply hurt. David told God that he might want to give up and die if God isn't listening. It's encouraging that David could be this honest with God - and so can you! 

WHEN YOU'RE DISCOURAGED OR IN PAIN, PRAYER IS POWER!

Listen to my prayer for mercy as I cry out to you for help, as I lift my hands toward your holy sanctuary. -Psalm 28:2 NLT

Notice how David doesn't minimize his hurt. He doesn't let it settle into his hurt and keep it around like a housepet. Prayer is proactive. Pray invites an Almighty God to make a difference where you have no power. Prayer is power. My friend, you aren't being a complainer or a baby for expressing your pain to God. Even if you lost your cool, don't let Satan convince you that because you messed up, then God doesn't want to hear from you. Not true!

IT'S NOT WRONG TO PRAY FOR GOD'S JUSTICE

Give them the punishment they so richly deserve! Measure it out in proportion to their wickedness. Pay them back for all their evil deeds! Give them a taste of what they have done to others. -Psalm 28:4 NLT

You can pray for God's justice when you've been wronged. I've seen and heard far too many Christian women give into others' pressure to "forgive and forget" abusers or others who've committed illegal acts. You can love Jesus and press charges if the situation requires it. 

Your part is to work through the forgiveness process, which may or may not result in accountability. Remember, there is a difference! But leave any form of revenge to God. He won't forget, even if it takes months, years, or even eternity. The scriptures say that God will replay, and you can trust God's justice.

NO ONE CAN STOP GOD FROM BLESSING YOU

The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. -Psalm 28:7 NLT

Here's the hope for you to carry today! David's naysayers didn't mess up his praise! David knew nothing his enemies could do or say would stop God from blessing him. The same is true for you - people can talk about you, mistreat you, lie about you, or take away everything you own, but if you are a child of God, they cannot stop God from blessing you or taking care of you. Can I get an AMEN? 

I'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU: Which verse in Psalm 28 encouraged you today? 

Make Lent More Meaningful This Year!

• Do you start Lent with good intentions, but lose motivation after a week or two?
• Is Lent usually filled with guilt or going through the motions and you'd like to have a more meaningful experience with God?
• Would you like to experience the scripturally rich Book of Psalms in a fresh new way?

If you answered "yes" to at least one of these questions, click the button to find out more about the Finding Jesus in the Psalms book study. Check out the link to find out how to host a small group at your church or online with friends around the country this Lenten season.

I don’t need a calendar to know when Valentine’s Day is near—my heart reminds me. Just like a woman struggling with infertility feels the weight of Mother’s Day approaching, single women often feel the sting of a holiday meant to celebrate love. It’s a long 24 hours watching the world pair up, even in unhealthy relationships, while we wonder if we’ll ever find "The One."

If you're married or happily single, this message isn’t for you. I’m speaking to my single Christian sisters who feel unseen, unheard, and unloved on this day. Let me say what you know deep down but need to hear aloud: There is nothing wrong with you.

The Pressure on Christian Single Women

Too often, single Christian women are bombarded with messages about why they’re still single:

• “You’re too picky.”

• “Maybe if you lost weight...”

• “At your age, maybe you should lower your expectations.”

• “You shouldn’t have let him go, even if he cheated.”

• "Maybe this is God's punishment for some of the mistakes you've made."

Christian single women live with conflicting messages. There's pressure to find someone and settle down, but the criticized if she expresses sadness or frustration along the way. No one would tell a woman struggling with infertility, “Not everyone is meant to be a mother,” yet single women hear similar dismissive remarks about marriage.

So let me say it again: There is nothing wrong with you.

• There is nothing wrong with desiring marriage.

• There is nothing wrong with having standards and boundaries, even if it means getting ghosted.

• There is nothing wrong with rejecting situationships or men who aren’t serious.

• There is nothing wrong with upholding a biblical sexual ethic, despite what culture—or even some Christian men—say.

• There is nothing wrong with being the last of your friends to marry.

• There is nothing wrong with never having been married, even if you thought it would’ve happened by now.

Your singleness isn’t a curse, a punishment, or even just “a season.” It is a part of your journey, and it is not less valuable than anyone else’s.

The Gift of Shalom

What you need today is shalom—God’s peace, a deep wholeness of heart and mind. His shalom cancels the lie that you are lacking something. Too many of us believe we can’t be whole without a relationship, and when we don’t have one, we assume something is wrong with us. But God’s love completes you in a way no human relationship ever can.

When you walk in God’s wholeness, you no longer settle for low-effort men or chase relationships to feel validated. By the way, if you are in a toxic relationship or in a relationship with a man whose actions aren't consistent, respectful or bring out the best in your, let that man go. God's wholeness is big enough to heal your heart and to hold you until you meet the right man or if you'll walk out life on your own.

Let God’s Love Define You

Ready to shift your mindset.

Instead of: There is something wrong with me.

Shift to: God's wholeness completes me.

Instead of chasing human love, let yourself be pursued by God’s perfect love. Your relationship status does not determine God’s goodness toward you. He is with you, for you, and He will never fail or leave you.

You are God's beautiful, lovable, capable daughter. You don’t need a man to be confident in Christ. And no matter what has happened in your past—or even if it’s always just you—nothing will stop God from giving you His best.

There is nothing wrong with you, my friend.

Be loved, Beloved.

Join the Conversation: What’s the best advice you’ve received about being single and Christian? Any encouragement for those struggling this week?

One of the women in my Bible study had a disagreement with her daughter-in-law. This led to a full-on argument. Her son sided with his wife and my friend felt betrayed. The disagreement escalated into lots of ugly accusations and angry words. Within days, the son called to let my friend know that her visit with the grandkids that weekend was canceled and that she was no longer welcome in their home.

As my friend shared her story, the tissues in her hands grew limp from wiping the stream of tears leaking from her eyes. She hung her head after courageously sharing her part in the meltdown. I can’t believe that I said such awful things to her. My son won’t answer my calls. I want to apologize. What if I never see my grandchildren again?

If you’re reading today’s devotional and this story triggers grief or sadness because this is your reality, I’m so sorry. If we were sitting next to each other, I’d give you a big hug right now. Perhaps you know a friend or a family member who has been devastated by a broken relationship. It’s so hard because you can’t fix it for them.

At the time I’m writing this devotional, I’m in Maryland teaching at the Women Digging Deeper Retreat weekend. Before I share what God has put on my heart for today’s devotional, I want to start by showing you this picture of a sign that sits right at the main entrance to the lodging. “Jesus Never Fails.” Say that to yourself over whatever situation you’re facing right now whether it’s an estranged relationship, an unanswered prayer, a fear, or anything.

For today, let’s check out helpful guidance from God’s Word. In Romans 12:18, the Apostle Paul also gives relational instruction to believers. I’ve included his teaching in two different translations:

Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. -Romans 12:18 NLT

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. -Romans 12:18 ESV

Which translation resonates most with you? I appreciate both versions, but for different reasons. 

In the New Living Translation (NLT), the phrase “Do all that you can” is a call to God-honoring action and it gives a wise boundary. Some of us grew up in homes or families where “keeping the peace” meant staying silent, accepting, or not reporting toxic, abusive, immoral, or illegal behavior. That is not what Paul teaches. 

“Do all that you can” references Jesus’s teachings on confronting those who’ve harmed or offended you (Matthew 18: 15-17) and offering forgiveness (Matthew 18: 21-35). Jesus’s teachings not only set us up to glorify God, but his teachings are the basis of good, healthy, and wise boundaries, too.

The ESV version (similar to NKJV) starts with the phrase, “If possible, as far as it depends on you.” Those are such important words! We are only in control of ourselves, not others. We’re also responsible for living out Jesus’ teachings whether others do or not. 

“As far as it depends on you” often requires surrender because you can't make people fix the relationship. Everyone handles hurt at different speeds. You may be ready to move on from how someone hurt you, but they may not be over how you hurt them – even if you think that what you did wasn’t that bad. In other instances, perhaps you are willing to forgive an offender, but they aren’t willing to acknowledge or see their part in the problem. You may need to surrender your attempts to convince people of what which they aren’t willing to hear. Jesus said don’t cast your pearls before swine. 

I’ve been there. I was married, there were seasons when my former spouse had left our family and no matter how much I'd call or beg to work things out, he was not ready nor was he interested. Every unanswered text and phone call heaped more rejection on me. The more that I pushed, the more pain it created for peace. Surrender was my only path to peace.

Surrendering doesn’t mean that you’re giving up on the relationship, it means that you’re creating space for God to work. Not only does surrender create a path for you to experience God’s peace instead of suffering but while you’re waiting, you can be assured that God is working. In the meantime, here are some ways to live in peace instead of stalking or stirring the pot:

1. Take the words that you would say to them and turn those words into prayer to God. Pour your heart out to the Father who sees and cares about YOU.
2. You can give the other person/people space and let them know that the door is open when they are ready. 
3. You can prayerfully discern whether to write a letter. I’ve seen this done with positive results and I’ve also seen those letters ignored or fueled to ignite a new argument. I suggest having a trusted friend look the letter over and also help you discern why your expectations or motivations.

As I wrote this week’s devotional, I couldn’t address every situation and nuance that led to conflict or estrangement. What I pray is that you will focus on Paul’s teaching in Romans 12:18 and ask God’s Holy Spirit to speak directly to you about your specific situation. 

By the way, after a long period of estrangement, my friend received a call from her son. He asked if they could meet for coffee. After several months, he let the grandkids come over. Their relationship still has ups and downs but my friend smiles because she saw how God worked in her life when she finally stepped back and surrendered the situation to His control and timing. 

TAKEAWAY TIME! What did you take away from today’s devotional that you needed to hear? Where is God calling you to surrender and trust Him? What’s been hard for you?

Make Lent More Meaningful This Year!

• Do you start Lent with good intentions, but lose motivation after a week or two?
• Is Lent usually filled with guilt or going through the motions and you'd like to have a more meaningful experience with God?
• Would you like to experience the scripturally rich Book of Psalms in a fresh new way?

If you answered "yes" to at least one of these questions, click the button to find out more about the Finding Jesus in the Psalms book study. Check out the link to find out how to host a small group at your church or online with friends around the country this Lenten season.

We're a week into the new year and even if you aren't into New Year's resolutions, the start of a new year is a helpful reset for all of us. Whether you decide to reorganize a messy closet or jump back into Bible study after a break (hint-hint), there is value in making plans, starting new habits, and saying "yes" to important changes.  

That brings me to what I feel led to say today:

Can I lovingly ask you to make 2024 the year that you take better care of yourself?

Specifically, have you sensed God prompting you to deal with your health, but you’ve been ignoring or even rebelling against those promptings?

If you’re tempted to bail on this devotional, stay with me! I'm not writing this to spark shame or criticism. God loves you and I do it! This was the devotional that God put on my heart this week, so I'm trusting that God knows who needs to read this.

Perhaps your doctor, counselor, or nurse practitioner has asked you to cut back on salt, and sugar, exercise more, or reduce your stress. Our healthcare providers aren't God, BUT God gave them the skills and insights to diagnose what's happening to your mind or body. Have you considered that God might be speaking through them?

Even if we go to the doctor, just going to an appointment is not enough! The Bible teaches us that we can’t just hear the word, but we must live it out. We can apply this to hearing instructions from our healthcare providers. Again, what if God is speaking through them and we’re resisting their wisdom? Too often do we make excuses for our non-compliance? Any of these sound familiar:

Oh, I'm cutting back, but today, I'll have just this one.

I know what my counselor said, but I don't have time to journal.

Exercising? Lifting weights? I'm too old to start all that.

At this point, guilt might be creeping in. Tell it to stop!  God never wants you to be ashamed of your health struggles. God loves you and I do, too. But, He does want more FOR you!

God cares about the body that He created for you. He cares about how you care for yourself.

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself.

-1 Corinthians 6:19 NLT

After my third child, I was diagnosed with lymphedema in my right foot and leg. It took months of appointments and tests, the doctor gave me the diagnosis. He added the following: "You'll be fine, but you need to work out and maintain a healthy weight or else this condition can turn dangerous very quickly."

I decided to follow his instructions. In addition to lymphedema, I’ve also had a minor heart defect my entire life. More reason for me to listen and obey. It’s been twenty years and I still follow the doctor’s instructions. It hasn’t been easy, but not following the doctor’s wisdom would have made my life even harder.

I've had to create boundaries like not keeping dessert in my home since I don't have good self-control with dessert. I also make myself work out, even though I'd rather not most days. I do it because what I want to do isn't going to be what's best for me.

This reminds me of Paul's reply to believers who thought that freedom in Christ meant that they could do whatever they wanted to do:

You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial.

-1 Corinthians 10:13 NLT

Here’s something that you need to remember: Not everything good is good for you. There are things that taste really good, but not good for you. Skipping exercise might feel good because you aren’t sweating or tired, but the lack of movement is not good for you.

Sweet friend, God wants more for you this year!

QUESTIONS FOR YOU TO REFLECT ON:

What action steps has your healthcare provider recommended?

Since God loves and cares about your body, has His Holy Spirit prompted or convicted you of either mistreating your body or your resistance to taking better care of yourself?

What have you been eating, drinking or doing that does NOT bless your body?

Who can you make yourself accountable to?

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! Did today's devotional tap into what you've been thinking or praying about? Where is God calling you to be obedient?  

Not feeling Christmas-y? You aren't alone. 

As much as the songs tell us that it's the most wonderful time of the year and deck the halls, there are many of us who aren't feeling Christmas-y.

You know that you should be happy during this time of the year, but you are feeling sad or even like the Grinch.

How can you experience joy during the Christmas season when you're having a hard time?  Maybe you've lost a loved one, dealing with a health crisis or marriage issue. As someone who lived through many Christmas seasons under the dark cloud of alcoholism in our home, there were many years where Christmas time was hard and and sad.

But, today I want to share with you how God taught me how to experience joy during the holidays, even though there were many tears.

(By the way, if you want an in-depth message, check out my recent sermon below on finding joy during the holidays when it's hard.)

To be clear, joy doesn't mean that you have to minimize or ignore your grief or pain. Joy is an inner happiness that isn't dependent on what's going on in your circumstances. Joy is God's gift that helps you to hold onto hope and peace.

As you wonder how you can experience joy if you're not feeling Christmas-y, there is ONE thing that God wants you to remember:

Joy is found in the miracle of Christmas, not the magic of Christmas.

Most of us are waiting around hoping that the magic of Christmas shows up. We want that happy fa-la-la-la-la feeling flowing through our veins. We believe that we’ll feel the magic of Christmas when we find the right gifts, if all of the kids come home or if we hav enough money to do what we want.

But, too often our hope of the magic of Christmas is hijacked by the hard and broken in our lives. Even though we long for the magic of Christmas, grief, brokenness and hardship often overwhelms us.

Where does this leave you? Christmas is the reminder that Jesus came to earth to be the miracle that you need this Christmas in the midst of your sadness. What is that miracle?

The miracle of Christmas is embracing the Good News that Jesus left heaven to bring heaven to earth. He came into our broken world to save us from the penalty and consequences of the sin that is the reason behind why life is so hard for you today.

Jesus came because we NEEDED him.

You need him.

I need him.

Jesus came to be WITH us in our our human brokenness and show us the visible image of the invisible Creator of the Universe and Lover of our soul.

“Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel which means ‘God is WITH us.’” -Matthew 1:23 NLT

He came to earth so that you could experience WITHNESS with God. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, savor this: God is WITH you, right now.

That reminder should uplift our hearts and thrill us! Remember the angel’s words to the shepherds in the field when Jesus was born:

But the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you GOOD NEWS that will bring GREAT JOY to all people. The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David! -Luke 2:10-11 NLT

Because Jesus came, you can experience great joy!

The joy of salvation,

The joy of knowing God,

The joy of freedom,

The joy of healing,

and more!  

Here’s the challenge: Instead of chasing or longing for the feeling of the magic of Christmas, shift your focus to expressing your gratitude for God's gift to you: Jesus. Focus on the Good News and all the reasons for joy that Jesus brings because he came into our world.

Need help to make that shift? Here's a beautiful song by Francesca Battistelli called “Behold Him” that will help you focus on the miracle of Christmas in Jesus. Listen here.

Did today's devotional help? Tell me how you plan to stay focused on the miracle of Jesus this Christmas? I'd love to hear from you! 

*If you think that this devotional will help someone who is having a hard time, share this via email or on social media.

It's Thanksgiving season and I’m coming in hot today with one question that I’m challenging you to consider before you get lost in the kitchen cooking or before you arrive at family dinner.

Today’s question: How Important Is It?

Holidays like Thanksgiving can bring out what’s beautiful AND what’s broken in our relationships. To help you avoid the emotional roller coaster, “How Important Is It?” gives you a chance to invite God to prepare your heart for the holiday. It can also help you to avoid saying or doing something that you regret.

If you struggle with control-loving behaviors like nagging or helicoptering, this is a good question to tape to your refrigerator as a reminder. If you tend to lose your temper or you are highly sensitive, this question can help you deescalate your emotions, especially if your family dysfunctions run hotter than the oil that you're using to fry your turkey.

To process through this question, I've included four prompts that you can journal about, process with a friend and pray about!

1. What will you value MOST this Thanksgiving?

If giving thanks to God is your top priority on Thanksgiving, you'll be less likely to blow lesser matters like an over-baked casserole or plugged toilet out of control.

On Thanksgiving morning, take time to declare this prayer: “God, the most important thing for me to do today is focus on giving thanks to You."

If you keep an attitude of gratitude, you'll be less likely to let little things frustrate you.

2. What Expectations or Outcomes Do You Need To Surrender

The same things tend to upset us every Thanksgiving, whether it's the family member who always shows up late, the uncle who won't stop talking politics or the feeling that you're doing 90% of the work while everyone else is standing around.

Practical Exercise

Step One: List what frustrates you every Thanksgiving. Then, add in the expectations or hopes that you have for this year.

Step Two: Draw a line through anything that you can’t control.

Step Three: Surrender those matters by praying and giving them over to God using a simple prayer adapted from my Surrender Bible study:

God, I am not in control of others or outcomes. I give ________________ over to You. I can’t, but You can, so I will let You be God over this matter. Amen.

3. Do You Want to Be Right or Do You Want to Convey God's Love in Your Relationships

Thanksgiving is the time for us to be grateful for how God saved us from our sins, not silently or openly criticize or shame those who might be struggling with sin around us.

Just like Peter boasted that he’d defend Jesus before denying Christ three times (Luke 22:61), you must be on guard not to become prideful in your faith. This happens when you look at the people around you and like the pharisee in Jesus’ parable (Luke 18:11), you look at them and think “Thank God that I’m not a sinner like them.”

Where do you need to stop the unloving type of judging? Ask God to fill your heart wit His love and renew your commitment to praying for the struggling and messy lives around your Thanksgiving table.

4. Giving Yourself Permission to NOT Respond

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Some people like to stir the pot and argue. You don't have to be one of them. You have permission to NOT answer a conversial question or take sides in a debate.

How do you extract yourself a potential  verbal fight? In a word: Redirect. Here's what it sounds like:  “I’m glad that we are here to share Thanksgiving, but I don’t want to talk about (topic) today. I’d rather hear more about what you’ve been enjoying in life or what you’re looking forward to this holiday season."

Which prompt(s) resonated with you today? Where do you need to consider the question "How Important Is It?" for your Thanksgiving holiday?

With four days to go until Thanksgiving, I’m coming in hot today with one question that I’m challenging you to consider before you get lost in the kitchen for the next few days cooking or before you pack to leave town.

Today’s question: How Important Is It?

Holidays like Thanksgiving can bring out what’s beautiful AND what’s broken in our relationships. To not avoid the emotional roller coaster, “How Important Is It?” gives you a chance to invite God to prepare your heart for the holiday. It can also help you to avoid saying or doing something that you regret.

If you struggle with control-loving behaviors like nagging or helicoptering, this is a good question to tape to your refrigerator as a reminder. If you tend to lose your temper or you are highly sensitive, this question can help you deescalate your emotions, especially if your family dysfunctions run hotter than the oil that you're using to fry your turkey.

To process through this question, I've included four prompts that you can journal about, process with a friend and pray about!

1. What will you value MOST this Thanksgiving?

If giving thanks to God is your top priority on Thanksgiving, you'll be less likely to blow lesser matters like an over-baked casserole or plugged toilet out of control.

On Thanksgiving morning, take time to declare this prayer: “God, the most important thing for me to do today is focus on giving thanks to You."

If you keep an attitude of gratitude, you'll be less likely to let little things frustrate you.

2. What Expectations or Outcomes Do You Need To Surrender

The same things tend to upset us every Thanksgiving, whether it's the family member who always shows up late, the uncle who won't stop talking politics or the feeling that you're doing 90% of the work while everyone else is standing around.

Practical Exercise

Step One: List what frustrates you every Thanksgiving. Then, add in the expectations or hopes that you have for this year.

Step Two: Draw a line through anything that you can’t control.

Step Three: Surrender those matters by praying and giving them over to God using a simple prayer adapted from my Surrender Bible study:

God, I am not in control of others or outcomes. I give ________________ over to You. I can’t, but You can, so I will let You be God over this matter. Amen.

3. Do You Want to Be Right or Do You Want to Convey God's Love in Your Relationships

Thanksgiving is the time for us to be grateful for how God saved us from our sins, not silently or openly criticize or shame those who might be struggling with sin around us.

Just like Peter boasted that he’d defend Jesus before denying Christ three times (Luke 22:61), you must be on guard not to become prideful in your faith. This happens when you look at the people around you and like the pharisee in Jesus’ parable (Luke 18:11), you look at them and think “Thank God that I’m not a sinner like them.”

Where do you need to stop the unloving type of judging? Ask God to fill your heart wit His love and renew your commitment to praying for the struggling and messy lives around your Thanksgiving table.

4. Giving Yourself Permission to NOT Respond

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Some people like to stir the pot and argue. You don't have to be one of them. You have permission to NOT answer a conversial question or take sides in a debate.

How do you extract yourself a potential  verbal fight? In a word: Redirect. Here's what it sounds like:  “I’m glad that we are here to share Thanksgiving, but I don’t want to talk about (topic) today. I’d rather hear more about what you’ve been enjoying in life or what you’re looking forward to this holiday season."

Which prompt(s) resonated with you today? Where do you need to consider the question "How Important Is It?" for your Thanksgiving holiday?

It’s the first week in November – which means that some of you have already started watching Hallmark Christmas movies and drinking your peppermint mochas. I like to hold out until after I finish Thanksgiving dinner. Isn’t there a commandment that says Thou shalt not watch Christmas movies or listen to Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving? Ha!

Since it’s November, I decided to tackle a tough question:

How can you be thankful even when you aren't feeling it?

Right now, our world feels like a giant dumpster fire with a side of stinky cheese. When the Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “be thankful in all circumstances” did he know how expensive groceries would be? Did he have any idea of how scary it is to watch images of the war overseas? How can we be thankful when we’re seeing so much going wrong in our country? Perhaps you’re wondering if Paul knew how painful it’s been for you to deal with your family issues, healthy struggles or you’re dreading the holiday season to come.

Yet, what if being thankful when life is hard is exactly what God calls you to do today? 

Today, I’m sharing a story of Jesus giving thanks at a time when most of us would question God or be made at God instead. As you read today’s devotional, I pray that you will see God’s heart and most of all, the blessing that God gives when you choose gratitude in hard times.

Here we go:

In Mark 14, Jesus sends out the disciples to gather up preparations for Passover. Since Jesus and the disciples traveled together from town to town, they didn’t have a fully stocked kitchen or pantry to work with. Then, Jesus and the disciples gathered around a table for what Jesus knew would be their final meal together while he was on earth.

As they were eating, Jesus took some bread and blessed it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, “Take it, for this is my body.” And he took a cup of wine and gave thanks to God for it. He gave it to them, and they all drank from it. And he said to them, “This is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and his people. It is poured out as a sacrifice for many.” -Mark 14:22-23 NLT

Look at the underlined words. Notice Jesus’ actions here. He blessed the bread before he tore it. He gave thanks to God before sharing the wine. The bread and wine symbolized the brokenness and suffering that was to come in Jesus’ life. Yet, he still gave thanks anyway. Jesus even gave thanks while his future betrayer Judas was sitting right at the table with him. Some of you have felt the sharp stab of betrayal or difficult people. Jesus gave thanks right in the middle of it, not waiting until later.

There’s a phrase for when we give thanks to God when it’s hard. In her best-selling book 1000 Gifts, Ann Voscamp identifies Jesus’ act of giving thanks before suffering the “hard eucharisteo” (yoo-khar-is-the-o). This is known as the “hard giving thanks.” This is the place where we thank God for His goodness, love, and grace, even as our circumstances don’t look or feel good to us in the moment. This is where we might be in a hard place, but we do not let ourselves develop bitter or hard hearts.

As one who herself said that she “woke up for years of mornings wanting to die” from her sadness and suffering, Voscamp experienced the following spiritual breakthrough that came from her reflection on Jesus’ words at the Last Supper. Her words inspired me and I hope that they inspire you as well:

Deep chara joy is only found at the table of the eucharisteo – the table of thanksgiving. As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible.” (pg 32)

Even at that last supper before he would be crucified, Jesus gave thanks because he knew that none of life’s hardships could steal the joy of what God had waiting for him. Here’s what the writer of Hebrews recorded:

“We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. -Hebrews 12:2 NLT

God doesn’t want you to base your hope, peace, or joy on your circumstances because He knows that this broken world will break your heart. However, God knows that when you look for and call out God’s goodness, love, and mercy in your life, expressing that gratitude for God is what lifts your heart and fills you up – even when life is hard.

Today’s question: Do you need to shift your eyes from your circumstances back toward God? Where can you give thanks for His love, goodness, grace, and mercy in your life? 

I saw a phrase on Instagram last week that caught my attention: empathetic distress.

Psychologist Adam Grant, who is one of my favorite personal development thinkers, explained that empathetic distress is when we see someone hurting and we feel are unable to help. Grant pointed out that empathic distress can lead to withdrawal (isolation) because of overwhelm and exhaustion.

When I re-shared Adam’s post in my Instagram stories, someone sent me a note and said, “YES! This names what I’ve been feeling the past two years.”

Today’s devotional is a shoutout to those of us who have big hearts, but our hearts are filled with heartache for what’s happening in our lives or in our world.

God calls us to care about others, but we must be wise and discerning because we cannot actively care about everybody all the time, especially at the same time. Some of you need to hear this today: Only God can shoulder all your family’s problems, our world’s social issues, world conflict, and the spread of evil. You aren’t God and you weren’t built to carry that load.

What are some clues that you might be in empathetic distress?

1. You have a big heart for others but caring deeply for one person’s suffering or feeling distress for lots of people in pain is exhausting you.
2. You’re overwhelmed because you see so many problems and you’re tempted to shut everyone and everything out.
3. You have a heavy heart all the time and you notice a lack of God’s joy or peace.

If you recognize one or more of these, perhaps today’s devotional is a prompt for you to stop and reflect. I’m going to share a powerful reminder from Jesus and four practical tips for us today.

In Matthew 6, Jesus taught a large group of people from all walks of life, followers, and non-followers in his Sermon on the Mount. There was one portion of his sermon where he addressed the attentiveness of God:

 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? -Matthew 6:26-27 NLT

Jesus reminds us that God is paying attention to everything happening in our world. Think about this: God pays attention to the birds that don’t have jobs or eternal souls, and He still cares about them. Jesus also taught that God pays attention to the flowers in the field that don’t even last long, but God still cares for them. 

In a world where it feels like we need to worry about everything, Jesus tells us not to worry because it adds nothing to the quality of our lives. Jesus taught this message to remind us that only God cares, but God is ridiculously in control, friends.

Nothing is happening in your life, your loved ones’ lives, or in our world that escapes God’s notice. He sees the mess and get this: God’s not worried about it. He’s not missing ANY sleep and He is not wringing His hands trying to figure out what to do. 

So how do we balance caring about others or the problems in our world, but not letting ourselves get carried away into empathetic distress? 

Here are four practical steps to guide you in demonstrating care and concern without carrying burdens that you aren’t supposed to:

1. Be wise about how much news content you consume. Watching endless news coverage will only grow your fear, not your faith.
2. Pray! God is at work, friends. We may not be able to see it, but faith prompts us to believe it.
3. As you pray, be mindful of what God puts on your heart to do - but you do not have to do everything. Leave room for people to need God instead of you potentially trying to be God by handling all of the problems and issues. Here are some supportive things that you can do without fixing problems:  you can send encouraging messages, ask them how you can pray for them, support them with a meal, or just sit and let them talk about their struggles. 
4. Surrender your fears and worries to God because YOU need it. Practically, a next step would be to let go of your worrying, by changing your worry words to worship. What if you started worshipping God each time you noticed that you were worrying? Which one will be healthier for your heart and mind? You can worship in prayer or listen to music. I have a great playlist on Spotify if you need music recommendations.

What do you think about empathetic distress? Does that describe how you’ve been feeling lately? If you’ve been encouraged or you recognize that God’s prompting you to do something, tell us about it.  

Have you ever sensed that God was moving you out of the way so that He could work in someone else's life? 

Let me tell you a story…

Last Monday, I woke up with a cold. By late afternoon, I could barely speak. By evening, my voice was gone. Just like that. Completely gone.

After I shuffled my schedule around to postpone some meetings, I still had one other situation happening last week. My 23-year-old daughter needed to move. This is my NICU nurse daughter who lives in my eight-apartment building. For two years, she’s lived in a one-bedroom apartment on the first floor, but she was moving up to the apartment directly underneath me.

Here’s how God may have moved me out of the way…

Monday night, I moseyed downstairs to her apartment and thought, “Yep. She needs my help.” Boxes were everywhere and Abbie looked overwhelmed. Inside, I smiled. She SO needs me.

I was wrong. When I typed out on my phone, “Would you like me to help you figure this out?” She shook her head and said, “No, Mom. I got this.”

What? Did she see what I saw? If I had a voice, I would have disagreed with her. 

It was hard watching Abbie run her hands through her hair, blow out frustrated breaths, or look wide-eyed at the jumble of boxes, bags and clothes all over her apartment. I could tell she had no idea of what to do. If I'd had voice, I would have tried to convince her to follow my moving advice. After all, I knew how to fix this. She might have even listened, but she would have been annoyed as well. Even though Abbie didn't know what to do, she didn't want me to solve her problem. 

However, since I had no voice and Abbie didn’t want to keep stopping to look at what I typed, I had to keep my opinions and wisdom to myself.

Guess what?

Over the next two days, Abbie figured it out. She moved. She even did it without my advice. Shocking, right?! Since I wasn’t feeling well, I could only help carry boxes for a little time each day. She struggled, but she also succeeded.

When we see our loved ones frustrated or struggling what do we do? We want to come to the rescue. For us, love means jumping in and giving (unsolicited) advice, fixing the problems or nagging them to do things our way, because we think our way is best.

Is trusting God with your loved ones hard for you? Take a journey with me through the Surrendered: Letting Go and Living Like Jesus Bible study.

We’ll walk with Jesus through his wilderness experience and discover the power of letting the Holy Spirit lead us. You’ll learn how to release control-loving behaviors and experience God peace.

Should that be our first response? Could love also be letting them figure it out? When we jump in the way, we can rob our loved ones of what will make them stronger, wiser, and more importantly, help them see that they need God. It’s often in hardship or stress that people turn to God. A long time ago my therapist told me: Make sure that you don’t get in the way of your loved one’s need for God.

Here’s an observation: What if we said less to our loved ones to give God space to do more in their lives?

Saying less to your loved one doesn’t mean that you go silent. Sometimes concern needs to be expressed or confrontation is needed in certain situations. But for most  matters, we need say less to our loved ones to make room for God to do more. He’s the one who knows best!

Even as I saw the stress and frustration on my Abbie’s face, I could also see her discerning the things she was throwing out and keeping. I imagine she was counting the cost of the things she chose to keep or let go. As she dealt with some adulting tasks that she’d postponed, I could see the resignation on her face that she would do better in the future.

While I desired to smooth Abbie’s bumpy path, could it be that God allowed my voice to disappear to create space for Abbie to learn deep, meaningful life lessons that my moving advice might have caused her to miss? I was so worried about how she would move her stuff, but I can see now that God used that experience to move wisdom into her heart.

I saw this verse and thought it would be a fitting way to end today’s devotional:

Proverbs 17:27 says this: “A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered.”

This can apply to how you speak to your spouse, kids, friends, co-workers, elderly parents and anyone else. Ask God if you should pray to Him before speaking to them.

What do you think? Is there anyone or anything that comes to mind for you? If so, I’d love to hear about it.

 P.S. My voice returned on Wednesday. Thank you to everyone who responded on social media and prayed for me.

Do you have trouble letting go of control? When there’s something that I really want, there is a temptation to engage in what I call the SHINE Control-Loving Behaviors in my Surrendered: Letting Go and Living Like Jesus Bible study:

• Stonewalling - Digging our heels in until we get what we want
• Helicoptering - Micromanaging others
• Interrupting - Cutting off people’s words/Interfering with their lives
• Nagging - Do I need to explain this one?
• Excessive Planning - Defining every single detail in hopes of controlling the final result

Which one or more of these are familiar to you?

What’s so hard about letting go of control and trusting God instead?

After all, we love God. We believe in Him. Yet, when it comes to certain things in life, we clutch onto our hopes, expectations, dreams, and plans like a two-year-old clinging to a blanket that needs to be washed.

I think that there are three primary reasons that we don’t like to let go of what we can’t control:

1. We’re afraid that something bad will happen.

2. We’re worried that God won’t give us what we want.

3. We worry that God is taking too long and we’re afraid of time.

Today’s devotional is so real for me. For months, I’ve wrestled with God over letting go of a dream in my heart. I’ve surrendered it - and then I’ve run back and grabbed that dream up again. For the past week, I’ve practiced surrendering it each day again. Can you relate?

Here’s a hard truth: Holding doesn’t help. Often, it hurts.

Holding on to what we can’t control will begin to control us. Holding on controls our level of content contentment, our level of peace, and even our attitude toward God.

When your hands are filled with what you’re trying to hold onto, you don’t have room to hold onto God. He wants to lead you and me toward His peace, and toward greater trust in Him.

Maybe today, God’s gentle whisper to us is this: “Let go, my precious one so that I can help you.”

Today, I’m sharing three letting go verses that we can stand on when releasing what we long for, but can’t control to God. First, let’s pray before diving into these verses. Take a breath. Now, let’s pray:

God, I invite You into these next few moments. Use these verses to speak to me and guide me toward Your truth. Amen.

1. Give all of your worries and cares to God because He cares about you. -1 Peter 5:7

Whatever you’re carrying today is probably too much for your heart. God knows this. He wants you to experience His peace, not be weighed down by your pain or problems. Today, give it to God. He cares about you. Here’s the prayer that I’ve been praying the past two weeks: “God, I need to give over __________ to You. I release it and I want to receive Your love and peace. Amen.”

2. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries… -Matthew 6:34

It’s hard to let go when you aren’t sure how God will handle the situation. Yet, we have God’s Word to remind us of who He is. God is good, faithful, loving, powerful and gracious. Even if you don’t know the outcome of your situation, you can know that God will do what is best and good for you - and those that you love. God will not fail you, my friend.

3. Kind words are like honey. Sweet to the soul and healthy to the body. -Proverbs 16:24

When we’re struggling to let go, we can beat ourselves up for feeling a lack of faith. Do you need to let go of being too hard on yourself? If God gives us grace in our struggles, then speak words of grace and let go of speaking negativity over yourself. Do you need to start a “Stop Saying This” list?

Ugh. I’m so stupid.

I can’t ever get it right.

Why can’t I be more like…

Instead, speak words of grace, compassion, and kindness to yourself. I’m doing the best that I can. God will help me. I am loved by God. Write these down or put them in your phone as a reminder. If this is how God speaks to you, follow His example.

I hope that you found encouragement in walking with me through a struggle that I’ve been dealing with lately. If you can relate or one of these verses was helpful for you, hit “reply” and tell me about it.

Are you facing a problem in life that you can’t fix, no matter what you do?

Are you disappointed by unchanging circumstances? Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase, “Let go and let God,” which suggests that surrender is God’s path for peace for your life. It maybe true, but it’s easier said than done, isn’t it?

This popular six-week Bible study on Jesus' time in the wilderness will equip you to give up control, reach for God, let go of fear, and experience the blessings of the surrendered life. It’s possible to let go and live like Jesus and the result is experience God’s power and peace as never before.