by Barb Roose | Sep 11, 2018 | Better Together Podcast, Women's Topics
I became so burdened with my efforts to be a “good mom” and trying to do all the things a “good mom” should do. My list of “should’s” was so long I was ready to give up. In fact, I did give up. I announced it one night at dinner with a simple- “I’m done!” -Susan Seay, mother of seven (yes, seven!)
Mom, do you ever “should” all over yourself?
- I should do another load of laundry…
- I should stay up late and make cookies for my daughter’s class…
- I should volunteer to drive carpool, even though I’m working late this week.
Sometimes those “should” feel so heavy and make us feel like we’re buried under unreasonable expectations.
If you’ve ever struggled with the “should,” you’ll love my conversation with my dear friend, Susan Seay. She’s a speaker and author living in Austin, TX. Susan and her husband, Ron are the parents to seven, yes seven kids. Not only that but Susan is a homeschool mom, who also supports and consults with other homeschooling moms on a national level. Susan is the author of Intentional Motherhood: Parenting on Purpose When Life Gets Busy.
Susan and I have been friends online for almost a year, but we met IRL (in real life) in July at the She Speaks Conference, hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries. Susan actually flew from her home in Texas to help me out with my workshops –that’s a great friend! On top of that, I got to see Susan in action as she provided gentle and loving encouragement to every woman who crossed her path. If you meet Susan, she’s going to make your life better, whether you talk to her for one minute or an hour.
As a speaker and author, Susan’s wheelhouse is that she is a mentor for moms. And as the mother of seven, she’s got some great expertise in that area.
During our Better Together conversation today, Susan talks about a trap that is so easy for moms to fall into – the quest to be the mom that tries to do everything.
Susan and I will discuss:
- The crazy questions that people ask when they find out that she has seven kids;
- A GENIUS trick that Susan used when her kids lost their minds in the grocery store;
- What unreasonable expectations makes moms tired and discouraged;
- Stories of encouragement that will put a smile on your face;
- Overcoming the trap of perfection.
About Susan Seay…
Through the “Mentor 4 Moms” Podcast and the relatable style found in her book The Intentional Parent: Parenting On Purpose When Life Gets Busy, you get a sense of Susan’s heart to provide encouragement to moms combined with helpful practical tools. As a wife and mom to 7, she truly understands the challenges of trying to be an Intentional Parent. Susan has been a mentor to women locally in Austin, Tx and Internationally for over a decade.
LINKS
Susan Seay Website | Podcast | Intentional Parenting Book
LEAVE A COMMENT: What’s the worst piece of mom-advice that you ever received?
by Barb Roose | Aug 21, 2018 | Joshua & Winning the Worry Battle
by Barb Roose
Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do,
but gets you nowhere. –Anonymous
Have you ever found yourself worrying about the bad things that could happen-whether they involve your family, your job, your finances, your health, or your future? Me too!
Have you ever spent a sleepless night worrying about the state of our nation or our world? My friend, you are not alone. If I had a pair of shoes for every time that I worried about something in my life, I’d need 100 closets to hold all of those shoes.
Disclaimer…I do not actually own all of these shoes. But there are a few pairs in that pile that I’ve got my eyes on.
There have been many times in my life when I felt like I was losing the worry battle. I had so many headaches from worrying about my kids, my husband, my marriage, or my career. Oh, the hours I spent pacing the floor at night thinking, rethinking, and overthinking all of the worries in my life. Every question in my mind began with “what if” and ended with some awful worst-case scenario. I tried to control my worries by trying to control everything and everyone in my life. But that never worked!
When Jesus spoke to the crowd, I imagine that he was speaking to people just like me when he said in Matthew 6:27 (NLT), “Can all of your worries add a single moment to your life?”
That is such a powerful truth?!
One study reported that the average person worries 55 minutes per day. That’s one hour per day that you spend day-dreaming or obsession about bad things happening to you or the people that you love. This means that you spend almost an hour each day imagining or obsessing about bad things happening to you or the people that you love. Furthermore, what happens to us when we worry? We get headaches, jittery nerves, upset stomachs, and just so tired. Worry really wears us out!
Since research also tells us that 80% of what you worry about never happens, the reality is this: Your worrying time is likely wasted time. By the time that you’re 50 years old, you’ve spent over 1,000,000 minutes of your life worrying. You don’t have to live this way!
Your life is precious! Are you tired of losing the best and precious minutes of your life stressed out and sleepless from worry?
Here is a list of five healthy and productive things that you can do the next time your mind starts to fixate on “what if” worries:
- Replace “what if” with the “God if…”
Your first line of defense against worry is prayer. Now, you don’t have to be a perfect prayer to pray, just a person who is willing and humble enough to pray.
Worry is a sign that we’re trying to solve our problems on our own. Prayer is the symbol that we’re willing to let God help us with our problems. So when you think “what if,” practice saying “God, if…” and fill in your fear. That is the beginning of your prayer, friend. Be honest with God and He wants to hear what you have to say.
- Read favorite Bible verses or a devotional.
One of my favorite sayings about our mind is Beware, your mind is a dangerous neighborhood, don’t go there on your own.
If you’re in a bad place mentally, infuse your mind with a healthy voice. Keep a list of healthy Bible verses close by or pull out a devotional and fill your mind with words that will focus you on God.
- Make a gratitude list.
Author Ann Voscamp said it best when she said “Gratitude is the birthplace of joy.” We worry because we’re afraid of losing something or someone that we love or care about. So, gratitude list as an essential reminder of how God has taken care of us in the past. Give yourself a goal of writing down 100 blessings on your gratitude list. As you remember how big God is, your worries will shrink way.
- Listen to music.
Music will change your mood! I like to listen with my headphones in because they block out other distractions. If you want to really change your mood, sing-along. You can’t sing and worry at the same time! Don’t believe? Try it!
- Walk and listen to a Christ-centered or uplifting messages/podcasts.
This was my #1 go-to strategy for the past couple of summers during a very stressful time in my family’s life.
I’m sure that I looked like Forrest Gump walking and walking and walking through our neighborhood, but all of those miles really helped me in a powerful way! The physical act of walking allowed my body to release endorphins to uplift my mood so I physically felt better. Then, Christ-centered YouTube messages and podcasts kept my mind healthy, which is so, so important! By the way, it’s Podcast Week over on my Better Together podcast. Click here to listen to messages that with give you the hope, help, and the practical next steps to get better!
Some final thoughts…
Is there anything on this list that God might be nudging you to try today. It’s so important that you do anything other than nothing! BUT, you don’t have to do everything. This list provides options. You can take what you like and leave the rest.
I am not sure what you are going through right now, but I know that God is standing right next to you. And just know, that I am cheering for you.
SHARE A COMMENT: What are some healthy ways that you deal with anxiety or worry? Share your tips below and allow God to use you to bless someone else!
MORE FROM BARBROOSE.COM
Gather your friends or women at your church for my Joshua Bible study this fall! If you or someone that you know struggles with worry or anxiety, the Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle Bible Study combines powerful Biblical principles and practical tools that work to end those stressed out days and sleepless nights!
BONUS: If you host the study at your church, let me know and I’ll provide a personalized invite video that you can use on Facebook or send via Youtube. Email barb@barbroose.com to request the video.
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by Barb Roose | Aug 17, 2018 | Better Together Podcast
How many times a week do you say, “I’m so tired?”
Here are some signs that you’re might be exhausted. If you say “yes” to one or more of these, keep reading!
- Do you get sick often – like sinus infections or headaches?
- Is your mind so cluttered that you can’t concentrate?
- Do you feel like you’re floating around aimlessly or that your life doesn’t have true purpose or calling?
- Do you feel too drained to be around people or do you often feel people are judging you?
Believe it or not, but these are the warning signs of rest deprivation. Too often, we think about rest as just getting a good night’s sleep or watching hours of tv.
Rest is much more than that! But, if we don’t figure out how to really rest, then we’re going to end up living really messed up lives.
Let me introduce you to someone who can give you the help and hope that you need today!
My Better Together guest is Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, an author, speaker, and board-certified internal medicine physician. She has an active medical practice in Alabama (near the Birmingham area).
Dr. Dalton-Smith is a national and international media resource on the mind, body, spirit connection and a top 100 medical expert in Good Housekeeping Doctors’ Secrets. She has been featured in many media outlets including Women’s Day, Redbook, First For Women, MSNBC, and Prevention. She is the author of Set Free to Live Free and Come Empty (winner 2016 Golden Scroll Nonfiction Book of the Year and 2016 Illumination Award Gold medalist).
Her newest release is Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity, including ground-breaking insight on the seven types of rest needed to optimize your productivity, increase your overall happiness and live your best life.
Today, Dr. Dalton Smith answers these pressing questions about rest:
- How can we get a better night’s sleep?
- How do we know when we’re rested?
- What are some warning signs that we need to know?
- Why is there more than one type of rest?
- Why do women struggle with rest?
LINKS FROM TODAY’S EPISODE
Saundra Dalton-Smith: website | facebook page
Rest Test Quiz: http://ichoosemybestlife.com/quiz/rest-quiz-test/
COMMENT: ON A SCALE OF 1 (A LITTLE) – 10 (EXTREMELY), HOW TIRED ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT YOU NEED TO DO DIFFERENTLY IN ORDER TO EMBRACE MORE REST IN YOUR LIFE?
by Barb Roose | Mar 27, 2018 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Joshua & Winning the Worry Battle
By Barb Roose
For most of my adult life, I thought that being a worrier was a sign that I cared about others.
If I worried about someone that meant that I cared about their safety and happiness. So, I would devote my mental energy to identifying all of the ways that my family or friends might miss optimum happiness, hurt or kill themselves. It didn’t matter if they were thinking about trying a new hairstyle or daring to attend a college across the country, I was going to point out everything that could possibly go wrong so that they could avoid a tragedy.
But, what happens to us when we spend our time thinking about all of the things that could hurt, harm or kill the people in our lives? Eventually, our minds get stuck in that kind of worst-case scenario thinking. Did you know that 85% of what we’re afraid of happening never actually happens? So, when you’re churning all of the “what-if” scenarios about your daughter going on a missions’ trip or your son heading off to college, 85% of what you are stressing out about won’t happen.
Why do we believe that worrying is a symbol of caring for others?
If we worry about people because we care about them, then why does worry only produce negative feelings in us? I don’t know about you, but the more I allowed myself to worry, the more trapped I felt in a world of worry. Instead of feeling happiness for the people that I loved, I began to only feel fear, which opposes and tries to suffocate the power of love.
Here are three ways that worry makes us feel crazy:
1. Worry pretends to be productive.
When nothing changes, you feel crazy because you thought that by worrying you were actually doing something to make positive change happen.
2. Worry doesn’t have to work hard work to take over your mind.
Worry feels like your subscription to Netflix. It’s always available and once you begin streaming WorryFlix, you end up binge-worrying your entire life before you know it.
3. Worry produces horrible feelings that stress you out during the day and keep you up at night.
Isn’t it amazing how something in your mind makes your body respond in real ways? While you’re imagining the worst, your heart is racing and you feel real fear. Have you ever finished worrying and REAL tears were streaming down your face? And it was all in your imagination…
How worry made me feel crazy and out of control…
Seventeen years ago, my battle with worry peaked when one of my kids was struggling at school. Her teacher sent home notes and we had numerous meetings. I loved my sweet girl, but my fear over her future consumed me. Dozens of “what if” worst case scenarios drove me crazy! For weeks, I stressed out over my child’s health during the day and I paced the floor because I couldn’t sleep at night. Like Jesus said in Matthew 6:27, all of my worries didn’t add a single quality moment to my life or my child’s life.
So, what changed? I had to admit that worry was my flawed way of playing God instead of taking the time to pray to God.
Then, I had to replace those places in my mind where worry got good and comfortable with God’s Word. I had to commit myself to filling my brain with Bible verses that spoke against worry like this one:
Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.
—1 Peter 5:7
If you’ve always been a worrier, can I suggest that you either memorize this verse or type it into your cell phone. Whenever worry tries to take up space in your life, allow God to use this verse to kick that worry out of your mind and replace it with peace. Trust me, it does work! But, you’ve got to put the work into it!
Do I still worry at times? Yes! I’ll always have to fight against worry, but I don’t have to live as a worrier.
When you know how to use God’s Word to win against worry, you will wake up energized every day and excited about life because you know that God will give you victory over any worry that comes your way. Don’t waste another day of your life fighting a losing worry battle!
Don’t waste another day of your life fighting a losing worry battle!
LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW: Are you a worrier? What things do you worry about most?
About Barb Roose…
Barb loves reaching women and teaching them to win at life with God-empowered strength and dignity. She is the author of multiple books and Bible studies, including April 2018 releases, Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle (Bible study) and Winning the Worry Battle. She is the host of the Better Together Podcast and loves diving into tough topics that women want to know. Barb and her husband, Matt, are the parents of three daughters. Barb loves Jesus, travel, her FitBit, chocolate-peanut butter ice cream, and fabulous high heel shoes.
by Barb Roose | Nov 28, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
First, “srsly” isn’t a typo, just my lame attempt at being clever – especially since this blog title might be a little jarring for some. Trust me, what you’re about to read is ALL GOOD. It’s 100% goodness up in here.
And yes, after almost 14 years, I’ll be leaving my full-time staff position at CedarCreek Church. My eyes get a little cloudy just a bit looking at that last sentence. Okay, deep breaths. (That’s for me, not you – ha!). If you haven’t seen my “ThankFULL” message at CedarCreek this weekend, you might want to check it because I’m talking about my exciting news during the talk. So, I decided to share this post and some pictures of just a few memories that I’ve had over the years.
I know that there are folks scratching-n-sniffing for some type of secret story or conspiracy. If you’re looking for some kind of “What-aren’t-they-telling-us” story about my departure, you’re going to be disappointed. Friends, here’s the real story:
- The reality is that I’ve been working TWO great jobs for the past year – my full-time Creek job and my hobby-turned-calling as an author. I’ve been trying to do both and frankly, by August I realized that I wasn’t doing either of them as well as they needed to be done. Both roles needed 100% and since there is only one me, it was time to let one go.
- My decision was driven by the need to focus on the ONE thing – connecting with women. My main thing will be speaking – whether at MOPS groups, churches or conferences. Here’s how it works: the goal of speaking is to inspire women to connect with Jesus’ heart and direction on a particular topic. After the talk, books equip women to learn, understand and apply what inspired them during the talk. If I truly want to connect with women for the long-haul, it starts with speaking. While the elders were generous with their permission for me to speak, the truth is that the speaking side of life takes more time than I have available.
- Change is hard, but I’m really excited! Ben’s excited, too. Okay, it took him a few minutes after I told him the news, but he’s been leading the “Go-Barb!” cheer. The elders are excited, too. One of my greatest encouragements was that CedarCreek Founding Pastor, Lee Powell, wrote a great reference for me to share with new churches who have no idea who I am. His words blessed me and I am so grateful for them.
I mustache you a question? Ha! One of our videographers noticed my mustache while editing a video for an April 2014 weekend message. Lots of laughs on this one!
“What’s next for you, Barb?”
Let me start with what’s NOT next. First, you’ll want to scrub any mental images of me rolling around in piles of $$$ like authors, J.K. Rowling or Jodi Piccault. I’m a newly published Christian author who’s still learning the ropes. I’m not leaving my staff job because I’ve sold tons of books. Truth is, I haven’t sold tons of books, but I’m working on it. One of these days, it would be cool to join a speaking tour like Women of Faith (WOF) but I’m looking forward to wherever God sends me to speak. (This is fun: Later this week, I am writing a blog for the WOF newsletter, but they really have no idea who I am – ha!)
All I know for sure is that God is calling me toward a new direction in this season of my life.
So, what IS next? I’ll be in full-time ministry as a Christian women’s speaker and author. I have a number of speaking events lined up for early 2016. I love speaking. If you’d like to see where I’ll be speaking for the next few months, check out barbroose.com/speaking. Feel free to share up this link with friends at other churches who are connected to their women’s ministry. (Make sure to tell them that you know me so I’m not just some random black woman with a big smile sitting in their inbox.)
I’ll also be writing. Lot’s of writing. I need to become a much better writer and that will take time and hard work. There are some writing projects in 2016 that I’m looking forward to diving into as well.
Also, I’ll be speaking a couple of times in the coming year at CedarCreek. Ben asked if I wanted to still speak occasionally and I was like “FO’ SHO!” I appreciated the ask and I’m looking forward to it. I’m actually scheduled for a date in February and looking forward to it! (By the way, our family will still be attending the Creek…)
Finally, I’ll be working on building new relationships with other Christian women speakers and authors and I’ve got a chance to explore some new ways to connect with women.
Where is all began! Here’s my first beauty talk at our CedarCreek MOPS group in 2010.
Are you scared?
Honey, they don’t call it a “leap of faith” for nothing! I’m running toward the edge of the great unknown and the only thing I can do is tuck my knees under and fold my hands to pray that God keeps me from falling.
Am I scared? YES! I’m leaving a great job that makes a difference in our world. I’m leaving a group of people who been like family to me for over a decade. I’m leaving a good salary complete with great healthcare and a retirement plan. Scared? HECK YEAH! And, every now and I ask myself: “Are you crazy?”
Yet, I feel that God is calling me to open my hands and trust whatever He will put in them or even, take away.
My concerns and worries aren’t anything special – and not even significant. Fact is, there are Christians all over the world putting their VERY BREATH AND LIFE on the line for the Gospel. So, while there are practical things in my life that are real concerns, I’m aware of how insignificant those things are in the light of eternity.
Leaving the comfort of the USA to go on short-term missions changed my life. Sure, I helped build a few houses, but the relationships that I’ve developed have changed my life. I’m looking forward to continuing those relationships with my friends in Latin America. Mi familia!
Over the last 14 years as a staffer and 19 years as a CedarCreek attendee, I’ve seen thousands of lives changed and transformed for eternity. What would be scary was if I was leaving my Creek job and cutting myself off from opportunities to help others discover life transformative power of Christ.
I have no idea how God will use my life, but I’m going to open my hands and let God put in or take away according to His plan. Just so you know, that last sentence was tough to write because I’ve been alive long enough to know that some of what will go in and what will come out will hurt – even devastate me at times. Yet, on the same note, God will also overflow my heart with peace, joy and fulfillment. My main job is to trust that God will be faithful and good in both sets of circumstances.
Oh, Hanz and Frieda! In late December 2014, I spent an afternoon stuffed full of foam, wore a blond wig with fake eyelashes and pedaled a bike in high-heeled boots. Just another day at the office – ha!
“What do you need? How can we pray for you?”
I’m so glad that you asked! I’m not shy, so here’s a list:
- Pray for FOCUS. I want to travel in the lane God created for me. I’m not trying to be Lysa TerKeurst, Priscilla Shirer or the other amazing women that do what I do. I want to focus on God to see the direction where He calls me to do.
- Pray for NEW CONNECTIONS. I know that God has given me a message for women that can transform their lives. I’m praying for opportunities to share this message wherever God would lead – even if it’s out of my comfort zone.
- Pray for PROVISION. There are some specific things that I am praying about for 2016, mainly speaker and writer development and leadership mentoring that I’d like to participate in this year. Pray that God will provide according to His plan for me. (By the way, I’d challenge you to create your own “getting-better” wish list. My “wish list” is at the bottom.
- Pray for FAMILY. Transition can be tough. No complaints, friends. I totally get that people have it much worse than Casa de Roose. Still, we’re navigating all of the relationship and economic issues that come with transitions. On top of that, my oldest daughter leaves for South Korea in two weeks for her first assignment after graduating from West Point. Pray that our dependence will be on God and that we choose to live with ThankFULL hearts at all times.
Thank you for checking out my exciting news! Again, I’d like to thank everyone who has been so supportive and encouraging to me. I’ve been so very blessed by all of you.
MY 2016 DEVELOPMENT WISH LIST (click on the titles to find out more about these)
She Speaks Conference hosted by P31.org and Lysa TerKeurst) – if you are a Christian woman and you want to speak/write for an audience, THIS IS THE CONFERENCE! I’ve been twice and it’s amazing!
The Storyline Conference hosted by Donald Miller
Catalyst Conference (either two-day or one-day event)
Global Leadership Summit hosted by WillowCreek Church
Truth@Work Roundtables
Books-n-Such Literary Agency Retreat – hosted by my literary agency for the writers.
Susan and I have been friends online for almost a year, but we met IRL (in real life) in July at the She Speaks Conference, hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries. Susan actually flew from her home in Texas to help me out with my workshops –that’s a great friend! On top of that, I got to see Susan in action as she provided gentle and loving encouragement to every woman who crossed her path. If you meet Susan, she’s going to make your life better, whether you talk to her for one minute or an hour.
