by Barb Roose | May 1, 2020 | Uncategorized
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Recently I have been working through Melissa Spoelstra’s bible study “Jeremiah,” The other day during one of our weekly discussions we were talking about the verse Jeremiah 29:11. While looking at the verse it made me wonder, what if our definition of “good” and “disaster” are different than his definitions.
It reminded me of my miscarriages.
January 2017, my husband and I went in for our twelve week ultrasound expecting to see our baby and hear his heartbeat, but that is not what happened. We found out that Francis, (we named all our lost babies to help give us closure) had no heartbeat and was measuring about 7 weeks. We were heartbroken and devastated. It did not feel like a good thing. It was heartbreaking, terrible, a “disaster.” We didn’t know how God could call that “good.”
After we lost Francis we decided to wait to try for another baby, because although we wanted that baby we knew we were not ready to be parents. In September 2017 we celebrated our first anniversary and decided that we were ready to start trying again.
Begin our waiting room journey.
At first we were having no success. Then, in March 2018, we had our second positive test. We went in at 6 weeks for an ultrasound. In my effort to manage my fear of another loss, I told myself things such like “if we hear the heartbeat early then we can do something to prevent losing this one,” and “if we find out early, it will hurt less if we find out there isn’t a heartbeat.” I didn’t want to start loving a new baby and feel that awful hurt all over again.
There was no heartbeat.
Or should I say heartbeats.
At that ultrasound we found out there were TWO embryos, but neither (Samuel and Veronica) had a heartbeat and both were measuring a week smaller than they should be.
It did not hurt any less finding out so early.
I was angry. I was in pain emotionally. Angry that God finally allowed me to get pregnant, only to let it end with a painful result. I didn’t understand why He allowed this pain and hurt to happen.
In my anger, I told myself lies such as if God let this happen, then He didn’t care about me. I began therapy. My therapist kept quoting Romans 8:28:
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God.”
I kept asking her how this could be good? Why does God keep causing this pain?
My waiting room journey dd not get easier, later in 2018 we had another miscarriage (Jessee) bringing our baby loss to four. I struggled with my faith, asking God why we kept losing babies.
Fast forward to January 2019…
Barb was in the process of writing her I’m Waiting, God bible study. As her assistant, I had the opportunity to be on her pilot team that helped Barb put the study together. During the third week of the study there was a journaling exercise asking us to list truths we haven’t told anyone. I prayed and asked God what my truth was and He pointed out my truth was “I don’t want a baby, I want one of the babies I lost.”
That truth felt like a huge weight lifted because I realized that I was praying for the wrong thing. I had to let go of that dream - those lost babies - and come to terms with the fact that I would not meet them in this lifetime.
While I was writing the journal entry, I heard God speak to me. I asked Him why. He reminded me that He allows some things to happen so that we may be brought back to Him. God wasn’t the cause of my loss. We live in a broken and sinful world where sometimes we lose loved ones.
A week after that journal entry, we received another positive pregnancy test. However, this time, we had a positive outcome. My husband and I welcomed Sophie to the world in September 2019 - just a week after the launch of the I’m Waiting, God Bible study.
So, how was my struggle “good”?
Looking back it was good that we did not have a baby at that time. Am I happy we lost any of those babies? No. Do I wish that having multiple miscarriages were not His plan? Yes.
God knew the plans He had for me. If we had had a baby at any of the times we were pregnant, we would have struggled a lot financially. While we were waiting, we paid down a lot of our debt which allowed me to work part time so that I could be home with Sophie more.
The biggest blessing of His delay was that He brought me closer to Him. God worked these losses for my good. My faith was just coasting, doing the bare minimum, but through my losses I turned toward Him. I came back to Him. God knows the plans He has for me.
His plan was good. He gave 2017 Katherine a future where she was able to spend her time with her baby, a deeper relationship with Him, and compassion and relatability she would never have had otherwise.
For those things I am grateful to God.
by Barb Roose | Mar 27, 2020 | Uncategorized
My middle daughter, Sami, called me today because she was feeling embarrassed. She’s been laid off from her job and her wonderful boss is trying to help her find a temporary position.
However, Sami doesn’t drive and she walked to work. Any temporary job would be farther away from where she lived and taking an Uber twice a day wasn’t in her budget.
I asked her why she was embarrassed and she replied: “I don’t like having to ask for help for something that I should be able to do for myself.”
I could see her eyes shining as she spoke to me via video. She works so hard to be responsible and for now, she has a gap between what she has and what she needs. I could see her sadness shining in her eyes.
Maybe your eyes are shining with a few tears, too. The virus crisis has created a scary gap in your life between what you have and what you need…
You’ve got more month than money…
You have worry up to your eyeballs and you need peace…
You have other problems other than the virus crisis and you NEED help keeping yourself together!
We can’t remind ourselves of this enough: It’s okay for us to grieve the loss of the way that our life used to be. If you’ve got a scary gap that’s on your mind 24/7, don’t beat yourself up.
Sometimes, gaps and crisis reveal that we might be infected with another kind of virus, a spiritually-deadly virus. It's called the “I-can-take-care-of-myself” infection also known as pride.
For years, I’d rather die than admit that I needed help, especially when it came to finances or with my kids.
I had an ah-ha moment while I was writing my new Surrendered Bible Study this summer.
As I studied Jesus’ 40-days in the wilderness, Matthew 4:11 changed how I thought about asking for help.
Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.
After three tough temptations, Jesus tells Satan to get away from him and the angels show up to attend to Jesus. Imagine if the angels of showed up and Jesus said, “Nah. I’m good. I’m sure that you angels have other people who need help. I can take care of myself.”
How often do we say that? Most people who offer to help us are doing so because they want to help. When we offer to help someone, we don’t think less of them, do we?
Here’s the ah-ha moment that I had: Jesus said “yes” to help when it was offered.
After 40 days of hunger, spiritual tension, and demonic attack, Jesus allowed the angels to show up and care for him. He could have seen to His own needs, but Jesus was humble enough to allow the angels to give, bring, and provide.
Here are three takeaways that I want you to think about today if you have been struggling to ask for help:
1. You have permission to ask for help.
You may have grown up in a family that didn’t believe in asking others for help. I need to speak some truth to you: that is an attitude centered in dangerous pride. It's time to reject that lie and embrace truth:
If Jesus accepted help, you can, too. Keep telling yourself that.
Ask yourself if you need physical help, spiritual help, emotional help, or financial help. Keep giving yourself permission to ask for help until you find the right help that you need.
2. You need to ask for help when you feel the 3 H’s: hurt, hopeless, or helpless.
Don’t let pride or even Satan whisper that you can figure it out or that you should be ashamed. Stomp on those whispers in Jesus’ name!
We’ve all seen people in our lives that we love refuse to get the help that they needed. The right people will not judge you. They will offer you love and compassion.
If you need words to ask for help, you can use these three powerful words: “I need help.”
3. God takes care of His children at all times, especially hard times.
I’m clinging to #3 right now during the virus crisis. Like many of you, I’ve been deeply affected by the crisis financially. But, I know that God will be enough for whatever it is that I will need.
If you have a gap in any area of your life, that’s where God wants to fill up that space with MORE of Him.
QUESTION: When do you struggle with asking for help?
Need help letting go of control?
by Barb Roose | Mar 20, 2018 | Better Together Podcast, Uncategorized
“On what should have been the most beautiful day of my life, a switch flipped in my body?”
Have you or someone you know struggled with chronic pain? For 20 years, speaker and author, Melinda Means fought chronic pain and autoimmune disorders that she jokingly referred as the “gift that keeps on giving.”
Melinda is the author of the book, Invisible Wounds: Hope While You are Hurting. As we talked today, she reflects on the years of constant doctors appointments, diseases, and treatments, she felt like the woman in New Testament who struggled with uncontrolled bleeding for 12 years (Mark 5).
Raging within, Melinda’s suffering body was a spiritual wound that spread deep and wide. “I didn’t understand how God could love me and still let me suffer. I know that my earthly father would have healed me from my debilitating pain if he could. So, if my earthly father would heal me because beloved me, then why wouldn’t my heavenly father heal me?”
During my conversation with Melinda, we talk with great candor about the difficult questions that we ask God when we’re in physical, emotional, or spiritual pain. If you’ve ever grappled with questions like why God hasn’t taken away your pain or why your prayers for healing have gone unanswered, then today’s podcast conversation is for you.
What you’ll hear in this week’s podcast:
- The story of Melinda’s 20-year struggle with chronic pain and spiritual struggle with her faith;
- What happened when Melinda prayed a radical prayer in the midst of her pain;
- The ONE thing that you can do if you are in the midst of a physical/spiritual struggle;
- A beautiful new gift God bestowed on Melinda that you can enjoy and download for yourself!
PODCAST EPISODE RESOURCES:
Melinda’s website | Melinda’s book | Melinda’s Facebook page
Finding Joy Ladies Night Out Tickets on iTickets
SHARE YOUR STORY: Are you dealing with something in your life that God hasn’t healed yet? Maybe it’s a chronic illness, a broken relationship, or an unfilled longing that keeps breaking your heart. Share your story in the comments below and bring home to another person who is listening today.
by Barb Roose | Jan 1, 2018 | Women's Topics
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! -Isaiah 30:18
Every new year, we say out with the old in with the new. But, what do you do when the old problems or struggles follow you into New Year?
I’m spending New Year’s in El Paso Texas with my oldest daughter. If you’ve been following me on social media, my daughter and I made two 1600 #roadtrips with her two puppies in the backseat before and after Christmas. We survived.
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Yesterday, my daughter had a 24-hour shift at work, so I’ve been on puppy duty. As I walked the dogs toward a neighborhood park, I talked to God about the last 365 days of my life. I gave thanks for so many things: a loving family, supportive friends, good health, financial provision and many wonderful ministry opportunities. And I also plead with God about getting rid of an old unresolved heartache that I didn’t want to follow me into the new year. God, I’ve dealt with this for so long. Do I have to deal with this next year? Any chance you can make this go away by midnight?
What old situation has followed you into a new year?
While this isn’t the place for me to go into details, perhaps you can relate to how I describe the pain. It feels like a 1000-pound weight sits on your heart and cracks it all little each day. On bad days, I feel my heartbeat thumping in my chest and it hurts. This is the pain of being human and living in a fallen world. At this stage in my life, I can only bear to share this pain with the most trustworthy of friends and gratefully, an understanding Christian counselor.
God, my heart hurts…
This morning, God showed me that He heard my prayer on yesterday’s walk. One of the verses in my Bible study today was Isaiah 30:18: “Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!”
God used this verse today to remind me of His heart toward me. The first day of this new year is a part of God’s gracefulness to me and you. Every time we say goodbye to a loved one, we are reminded of the preciousness of life. You’ve made it into the new year! No matter how much you don’t like what’s carried over from the old year, you’ve made it into the new one – and not everyone can say that!
Every day from God is a gift that we don’t deserve. Additionally, God longs to pour His graciousness into every deep crack in our heart and fill in those broken fissures with Himself. That’s actually the visual that I use when I’m praying through difficult days: God, my heart is broken right now. Please come and fill in those broken places with Yourself.” Just like the Kintsugi artists use liquid gold to fuse together broken pottery, God’s grace is that He infuses Himself into our heartache.
The last part of that verse say “Blessed are all who wait for him.” What does it mean to wait for God? Before my daughter takes her puppies outside, she makes them sit before snapping on their leashes. Then she says the word, “wait.” Both puppies must to sit until she gives them the command to move forward. While they are waiting, the dogs’ eyes are fixed on her face. Now, when I told them that it was time to sit, the results were pretty spotty. Those puppies love my daughter. I’m just the random lady who took them on a few walks.
The word wait in Isaiah 30:18 means to long for. When the puppies hear the word “wait,” they fix their focus on my daughter and sit until she tells them to move. For us, waiting is focus on an unknown period of time, but spiritually, our waiting should be a fixating on a Person.
Why is this important? When we’re waiting on something that isn’t happening, our hearts get weighed down and discouraged (Proverbs 13:12). But, when we’re fixated on God, we actually get stronger and can accomplish more (Isaiah 40:31)
Are you currently weighted down by the old situation that has followed you into the new year OR are you waiting on God and enjoying the blessing of His grace and compassion?
Might I offer two next steps if you’re dealing with an old situation in this new year?
First, start with talking to God and surrender the heavy weight of your old situation over to Him. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to give all of our worries and cares to God because He cares about us. One of my favorite movie lines is “Get off the cross, honey. Somebody needs the wood.”
“God, it’s a new year, but I don’t want to carry the pain around of this situation anymore. If it isn’t your timing to remove this hardship from my life, then God, I’m asking you to renew my heart and filling in the broken places with yourself.”
Second, increase your longing for God to keeping your eyes focused on him. Corrie ten Boom once said, “If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within, you’ll be depressed. If you look at God you’ll be at rest.”
One suggestion is to sign-up for resources like ReFocus App, My First 5, YouVersion or livingitout.tv that will deliver a devotional or verse of the day directly to you. But, don’t just sign up and think something will change. Set aside 15 minutes per day to read and reflect. The more you fix your heart and mind on God, the more you’ll focus on Him – and the more blessed you will be.
That’s what happened to me today. As I spent time in my Bible study and writing this post, God has truly blessed me today. Even as my old situation follows me into a new year, I’m going to be like my daughter’s puppies and keep my eyes focused on God as I wait on Him.
SHARE WITH US: Is there an old situation that you are dealing with in the new year? How has reading this post and Isaiah 30:18 encouraged you? Leave your comments below.
by Barb Roose | Oct 15, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
It was the end of a wonderful, yet long 12-day trip and I was ready to go home.
My friend and co-worker, Karen and I spent one week in beautiful La Ceiba, Honduras as part of a missions trip and women’s conference. Then, we traveled to San Pedro Sula for several more days so that I could speak at another women’s gathering. Karen and I loved sharing ministry with others. Yet, after almost two weeks away from our families, we yearned to return home.
My friend, Karen and I enjoying our favorite restaurant in Honduras…Power Chicken! Amazing!
On the morning of our departure, we tossed our clothes and souvenirs into the suitcases with reckless abandon. We didn’t give a rip about separating our dirty clothes from the clean ones. Souvenirs were mixed in with our sandals and flat irons. We were getting busy getting home and didn’t care about anything except making our plane.
Our airport checking-in put the brakes on our hurry. Bag #1 weighed 63 pounds. Yes, that’s right. 63 pounds. A full 13 pounds over the limit. Our second bag hovered a slice under 50 pounds. We surely weren’t going to pay those hefty excess baggage fees, so Karen and I got down on that floor make some quick decisions. In a flurry, we shifted contents from the over-the-limit bag to our backpacks and purses. If it didn’t fit, we got rid of it. Those suitcases barely made weight, but they made it.
As women, our lives are often packed to the max.
Our days are filled with work, family, friends, hopes, hobbies, dreams and drama. We collect experiences and memories daily. Coffee with a friend is a good memory. A bad conversation with your boss is a bad one. A phone call with your mom is a good memory, but a phone call with your mom that ends in a fight is a bad one.
By the end of each day, you’ve accumulated emotional and mental baggage – whether you realize it or not. The happy or satisfying memories don’t take up too much room. They are light and uplift our hearts. But, the sad memories or bad experiences feel like bricks in our emotional and mental suitcases. They’re heavy and take up a lot of space. And, when those sad memories or bad experiences are unresolved, they remain in the bottom of our memory suitcases day after day.
Imagine yourself right now standing gripping an emotional or mental suitcase in each hand. How much does that baggage weigh?
How much painful, unresolved baggage do you carry with you each day? We all carry heartache. We all carry disappointment. But, are you carrying unnecessary baggage like unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, untreated depression or abuse? At some point, the weight of that baggage becomes too heavy. When that happens, your quality of life pays the price. How much? That depends on how much excess weight you keep carrying around each day.
If you’ve ever lugged a super heavy bag around the airport, you know the misery. That bag takes A LOT of energy to push and move. It prevents you from the excitement of the journey. It distracts you from enjoying the company of those who travel with you. It’s exhausting! After awhile, we wonder if the journey is worth it. We wonder if we should just stay home…
If you’re struggling under the weight of mental or emotional baggage, you know how hard it is just to get out of the bed each morning. You know how tough it is to gather enthusiasm to hang out with friends. All of your energy is drained by managing the feelings and memories that go along with unforgiveness, bitterness, anger or whatever else is packed away in those bags. So, how can you let go?
In a word: SURRENDER.
Just as my friend and I needed to lighten our luggage to avoid excess fees, you’ve got to lighten the load on the things in life that weigh you down. Surrender means that you willingly decide to stop carrying those emotional and mental overstuffed bags around. You decide to drop them. Unpack them. Leave that baggage behind. Yes, it’s hard to do, but it’s worth doing.
A few years ago, I heard a talk from famed pastor and author, Rick Warren titled, “How to Get Through What You’re Going Through” and he shared some excellent tips on how to let go of the painful experiences and move on:
1. Accept what can’t be changed. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you’re okay or that you’ve given up or stopped caring. It means that you acknowledge the reality of the situation. It happened.
2. Remember that it’s not the end of your story. God has put more in you and God has more for you! Once you put that baggage down, your hands and heart will be free for the future. God has a future for you!
3. Take care of yourself! Sounds a little odd, but when we drag emotional and mental pain, taking care of yourself feels like a waste of time. It’s not! Get back into the habit of caring for your body and listening for its cues. Get a haircut, buy some new clothes, eat better, go to the doctor – and even if you don’t feel like it, “fake it until you make it!”
4. Focus on God through worship. Worship is connecting with God. Worship is enlarging our view of God. When we’re focused on the suitcases, we lose sight of God. When we surrender the suitcases, we need to shift our focus somewhere. The best shift is toward God. Listen to worship music. Find friends to pray with or join a Bible study.
5. Do something productive. After dropping those overloaded burdens, the best thing to do is find someone that you can serve. Get involved with helping others – start small. This will fill your heart and mind with new experiences and memories to fill the space left by your exhausting baggage. For example: Find a soup kitchen, rock babies in the church nursery or read to kids at school.
Friends, my prayer for you is peace. Yet, the first step to peace is surrendering what’s been weighing you down. Let God have it. He can handle it, because you can’t. Turn those overstuffed, too-heavy, life-crushing bags of bad memories and pain over to God and choose to move through those steps that I mentioned above. Here’s the verse that seems to just keep showing up in my life a lot lately:
“The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.” -Psalms 29:11
Thanks for stopping by to read today’s post. Share this post with your friends if you believe this will uplift and encourage them today. By the way, I’d love to stay connected with you. Sign up for my mailing list and connect with me on social media at Facebook.com/shapestylesoul or @Barbroose.
