by Barb Roose | Aug 18, 2014 | Uncategorized
If you need a recipe, here’s one for Nutella Ice cream: bit.ly/1rio3ut
We still have one more week of summer vacation at Casa de Roose. However, many of you are bundling your offspring back to school this morning, so I want to share my back-to-school tradition with you: After the kids leave the house, I eat a bowl of ice cream.
Yes, on the first day of school, after the photos are posted and the kids depart, I plop myself on the couch with a spoon. Straight out the container at 8am. And it’s AWESOME!
Why eat ice cream at 8am right out of the container? First, I earned it! You did, too! Let’s be serious – you managed your kids all.summer.long. Some of those days were pretty long. Certain years, my ice cream moment comes with sheer giddiness because we all got through the summer and no one (me) wrung anyone’s (them) neck.
Secondly, on some back-to-school years, ice cream helps to stop the tears. It’s a shock to realize that your baby is heading down the sidewalk toward kindergarten, sixth grade, high school or starting his or her senior year. That’s a lot for a mama heart to absorb! Sometimes, ice cream helps us to embrace that moment and all of the feelings that come with it. (And if you are a milestone-mama this morning or next week, You’re going to be okay.)
My oldest daughter, Kate (right), on her first LAST day of school this morning at West Point/USMA. Her roommate, Bri is on the left. Sigh.
Every day, we mamas grind it out. We’re caring, bossing and moving our kids along. Often, the days blur in and out. But, the first day of school is our annual reminder of how far we’ve come. Yet, that reality never seems to focus until we snap that back-to-school picture.
Seriously, that back-to-school photo crashes me some years. We see our kids with fresh eyes in their new clothes. We see them moving toward the future and we’re not always ready for that. But, that picture reminds us that it’s coming.
(I wish I was at your homes to see the five minutes BEFORE that calm, sweet back-to-school photo – ha! For many of us, the back-to-school photo is a hostage situation under the best of circumstances. I challenge some mom out there to post the picture BEFORE the picture. Who’s gonna do it!)
A moment to start looking forward…
As I sit with my container of ice cream, I envision my kids walking toward their classrooms for the first time. I pray their new classes, lunch time, the tricky combination lock and that their new friends will be good influences on them. I also pray for their teachers and administrators because, well, God bless ’em. By the way, I always toast one scoop to all the teachers out there. This one is for you, teachers!
So, that’s my tradition. I’ll do it next week. I’m only sending one kid back to school for the first time in 16 years. So, there will be a few tears in that ice cream. And a few smiles when I remember, two down, one to go.
Talk back to me! Do you have a back-to-school tradition? How’s the photo moment really going down at your house? What are you celebrating about your school year? Tell us about it!
And if you think that another mama might enjoy this post, please share it with her. Thanks!
by Barb Roose | Aug 10, 2014 | Women's Topics
Brittany Kaelber wants to live in a world where cookie dough is at the top of the food pyramid, leg warmers never go out of style and there are more spontaneous song and dance numbers in everyday life. When she’s not working as a full-time video producer and a part-time photographer at CedarCreek Church, you can find her hanging out with her favorite awesome nerds, doing a marathon (of the TV variety), attending a country concert, with her nose in a good book, napping, or planning her next Disney vacation.
Brittany believes that life’s a journey -a lovely, hilarious, heartbreaking, amazing journey – and she loves sharing the beautiful, the ugly, and the awkward moments of her journey with all of you!
“Ever since college, I make friends. They get married. I lose friends.” -Chuck Palahniuk
As I get older, most of the people I know are either getting into serious relationships, getting engaged, getting married, or having kids. In fact, at the age of 30, more of my friends, family and co-workers are married than not. On top of that, I have no close friends that have ever been 30 and single. This could easily put a divide between my married friends and I. We could slowly drift apart.We have different priorities and different schedules and different challenges and we can’t truly understand each other’s place in life.
I, however, do not believe this is a death sentence to relationships between married people and singles. I don’t want to lose friends just because they’re married and I’m not! My married friends and their families add so much to my life. I believe careful honesty is the key. We must have a determination not to project our own insecurities, longings, fears, and frustrations out on the other. If we do that, then we can still have real, beneficial, and meaningful relationships.
So, here it is, the truth: this is what singles believe married people have forgotten about being single (or aspects of single-ness they never even experienced because they got married much younger than 30).
Single + Single does not equal a perfect match…We get the impression that a lot of married people do the math and come up with: single guy + single girl = match made in heaven. No, nope. Thank you for thinking of us . . . but there’s a little more to it than that.
Speaking of matchmaking . . . I won’t speak for every single, but I was not built for online dating. I know that there are ‘Plenty of Fish’ that I could be ‘Match’ed with and we might fall in love and live in perfect ‘EHarmony,’ but let me just ‘Tinder’ my resignation now, because I’m out! #notinthislifetime. No need to ask me if I’ve thought of trying it. I’m an old-fashioned girl. And speaking of old-fashioned, if you come across a “great Christian guy,” don’t tell us girls about him– tell him about us! We want to be pursued.
We still believe in fairy tales…Well, kind of. We know now that it’s not as easy as falling in love and making darling, perfectly behaved babies and living happily-ever-after, but we still believe in having our own beautifully quirky love story. Help us believe. We’ve heard it’s a lot of hard work . . .like, more hard work and less sleep than you could have ever imagined! Now, tell us about how much fun it is! There are fun parts, right?! I love what Mindy Kaling says, “part of me still thinks … is it really so hard to make it work? What happened to being pals?”
Plus one? More like, plus none…When you’re single, you don’t have a built in “plus one.” We want to come to weddings and parties and even dinner with you and your couple friends, but sometimes it’s harder than you’d imagine. So, unless our odd-numbered singleness throws off the aesthetics of your evening, please invite us, but give us grace on those nights we decline. It may surprise you that there are times when hanging out with all couples will actually make us feel lonelier than staying home alone and watching Netflix. Not to mention that standing on the dance floor at a wedding, under a spotlight, with six little girls dancing around you to the blaring refrain of Single Ladies is . . . just horrible.
There is no “I” in team! But there’s an “I” in Single…Having a plus one at parties is just a small perk of marriage. You are now part of a team! You’ve procured not only a built-in date but also a best friend and a confidant; someone you can do life with and make big decision with. Your moments are their moments, happy and sad. They know you better than anyone. You are two who have become one.
Imagine not having that built into your life. It can be hard and even scary at times. Doing it by yourself doesn’t always come with the kind of freedom you might imagine; it comes with doubt and insecurity and uncertainty and longing. So, take care in saying things like “enjoy your freedom” or “appreciate your single years while you can” or “you’re so lucky you don’t have anyone to check-in with!” We envy the partnership you have and we’d give up spontaneous Grecian vacations or control over the remote to be a part of a team like that …or, let’s be real, even just to have someone who paid half our bills! Just kidding… about the remote. 🙂
What’s NOW vs. What’s NEXT?…Have you heard the idiom “in the meantime”? It means, “Until something else happens.” As a single, it can feel like everyone is just waiting for us to reach the next big milestone in our lives. Until then, they’re compassionate to our being stuck “in the meantime.” However, sympathetic refrains, inspirational quotes, and future predictions can be more harmful than helpful. We know that phrases like “you’re going to make a great wife/mother one day” or “that’s ok, you will find someone” are meant to be comforting, but it can make us feel like who we are now (who we might be forever) is not enough.
We may get married. We may make great wives and great mothers; we may find someone. But we might not. We want to know that who we are is enough. In fact, we’d like to know it’s more than enough. We’d love to know that you don’t see us as incomplete or running behind or stuck in the great singles waiting room of life. We want to know that the lives we’re living now (as singles) are complete, significant, thriving, successful and meaningful.
So, ask us WHAT’S NOW instead of WHAT’S NEXT because “in the meantime” our real lives are happening and we want to share them with you!
This is how you can pray for us…There are aspects of the single life we appreciate and even love, so we don’t need pity, but we’d love your prayers.
- Pray that we’ll use our single lives to honor God and that we’ll rest in knowing His plans and timing are far greater than ours.
- Pray that we won’t settle, but will wait for a spouse who loves Jesus and us with their whole hearts for their whole lives.
- Pray that we are made complete in Christ, so that no matter where our journey takes us we find our identity and worth in Him and not in our relationship status.…And if you want to pray “Lord, if it’s your will, please send Brittany a tall, funny and handsome fella who loves pizza, Netflix, and country music,” well, who am I to argue with God’s will?!
Talk back time…Are you single? What are some of the parts of being single that celebrate? Where do you struggle? What kind of support or prayers would you like from others?
Thank you Brittany for sharing your perspective with us! Ladies, if you’ve got friends who would be encouraged by Brittany’s words, share this post up by clicking the any of the share buttons. If you’d like weekly encouragement like this, I’d love to share it with you. Just enter your email address to subscribe and that’s it. Thanks for stopping by!
by Barb Roose | Aug 7, 2014 | Uncategorized
Dear Marie, It’s your last day in the US. Today, I figured I would distract myself for a little while by writing this blog post. It’s Saturday morning and we’re in the living room.
You’re sitting in the chair across from me while Sami is braiding your hair one more time. You didn’t want have to deal with your hair over the 24-hour journey home. I want to be able to talk to you, however, the only words I’m capable of speaking without tears are coming through my fingertips…
Marie’s arrival at Toledo Express on August 30, 2012.
It’s been tough watching you say good-bye to our family and your friends. When your dad arrived last week, it seemed like a week would be a long time, until the final goodbyes began and time start moving quickly. It’s hard to believe that today is the day. Of course, it’s been quite a stressful morning for you… While we’ve enjoyed a year of shopping together, you’ve had to fit 10-months of American purchases into three suitcases – yikes!
As you’ve been packing, I haven’t been able to bring myself to walk past your room. After 10 months of watching bare walls fill with pictures and mementos of your life in America, my heart hurts at the thought of the looking at a bare room and bare walls. I am so happy that you are returning to your life in Denmark – so happy. But, I will miss seeing you stagger out of your room each morning, sharing beautifully ripe avocados with tomatoes or when you came down the steps calling out, “I got you.”
Marie’s first peanut butter sandwich. She wasn’t sure at first…now, peanut butter is her favorite!
Earlier this week I found the first photo of you coming down the hallway toward us at Toledo Express on August 30, 2012. We had only found out you were coming six days before you arrived. I wish the photo wasn’t blurry, but my hands were shaking so much as you came down the hallway. We weren’t sure how those early moments would go. Our family was so embarrassed that first night when we proudly served you a Danish for dessert – only to find out that Danishes weren’t actually Danish. Our bad.
There were so many “firsts” in the early weeks: first day of school, first American football game and how could we forget your first peanut sandwich. You hated peanut butter at first, but soon, you couldn’t live without it. As we promised, we’ll send over Kroger brand peanut butter when you need it. One of my favorite photos of this year was the picture of you with Kate, Sam and Abbie.
Abbie, Kate, Sami and Marie
The week before you came to America, Matt and I promised your parents that we would treat you like one of our own kids. When you and Kate met for the first time and we snapped the photo of all four of you girls, it was just like you had always been a part of our family. And you always will be.
As the months went on, we had the chance to experience a lot of ups and downs. You really grew up a lot while you were here in the US. Do you remember the chat we had a few months ago? It was late in the evening and you and I were in the living room talking about the important things to know in life. You had come to the realization as to why you were in America this year. And I agreed. My hope is that you will keep that in mind as you continue the next exciting phase of your life. You may be across time zones and a large ocean, but there are so many of us who have been invested in your life over the last 10 months. I think that one of the reasons I wrote those post is so that you might know that where you go and what you do in life matters to so many. no matter how much time or many miles are between us.
Well, Sami is done braiding your hair – and I need a kleenex. I know you see me doing a poor job of not crying. But, I see a few tears slipping down your face as well. That’s okay. Most importantly, your hair looks great! You’re going to look spectacular posing in front of the Eiffel Tower during your long layover in Paris. Lucky!
As you bounce up from the chair to finish packing upstairs, you exclaimed, “Well, looks like I am good to go.” And you’re right. It is time to go.
-Originally posted on June 1, 2013
by Barb Roose | Jul 18, 2014 | Uncategorized
-Andy Stanley
As of today, I’ve been married for 22 years. Double Deuces. Apparently, we’re supposed to exchange copper-theme gifts this year. Suggestions include copper mugs, pitchers or door knockers. Copper?
That’s not happening.
Yet, each wedding anniversary feels like a gold medal for me. I’m proud of every annual milestone. You see, our marriage is a bit like the old Shania Twain classic “Still The One.” Years ago, my parents told us that they figured our marriage would last about three years. Not because they wanted us to fail, but because we had so much NOT going our way. For instance, we were 20 and 19. We were an interracial couple making minimum wage and only halfway through college. Oh, and I was six months pregnant. The deck was definitely stacked against us.
However, I’ve learned that our circumstances weren’t our greatest challenge. Our greatest challenge in staying married was us – our personalities, our choices and our flaws.
Yet, in spite of us, we’ve stayed together. God gets the credit for it, because I sure don’t. Furthermore, I’m so grateful for the guy who stuck beside me all of these years while I’ve had to figure some things out.
I’m no expert on marriage, but I am wiser now. Mostly, because I’m learning from the mistakes I’ve made. So, to celebrate our 22nd anniversary, I thought I’d share some of the things that I’ve learned about myself, my husband and marriage.
What I’ve learned over the past 22 years of marriage…
1. Your wedding day should NOT be the best day of your marriage. My husband told me this on our wedding day and it’s the #1 advice I share with new brides. It’s okay to put lots of time and energy into planning a fantastic wedding. Just make sure that you put even more time and energy into making every day the best day of your marriage.
We married in a lilac preserve (that burned down the next year).
2. Smile. Smiling goes a long ways, ladies. But, when we get busy or tired, our smiles are the first to go. Here’s a quick exercise: Take out a mirror and say your husband’s name in your annoyed or exasperated voice. Look at your face while you are talking. Not attractive, right? Now smile and say his name in the mirror. That’s the smile he fell in love with. Let him see it more often.
3. Marriage is hard. Don’t forget that your flaws and struggles make your marriage hard. We are so quick to see the places where our husbands’ have failed us and blame them for our misery. What should you do? Instead of wanting your hubby to shape up or make your relationship better, step up and deal with your issues and let him handle his. (Even if he doesn’t deal with his issues, your relationship will be better just because you’ve dealt with yours.)
He still has that smile.
4. Let him decide on stuff. Wives don’t have the corner market on how stuff should get done. Husbands have good ideas, too. Different, but good. My hubby loves to grocery shop. For years, I didn’t want him to buy groceries because he didn’t do it my way. Then, I finally agreed to let him go grocery shopping. Sure, he does it his way. But, not my way. Yet, the world still turns. Most importantly, I don’t have to go grocery shopping anymore. Score!
5. Laughing together can overcome many, many bad days. Laughing together can keep you together – especially when times are tough. My husband and I laugh like rockstars together. Once, we watched all of the “Real Men of Genius” commercials in a row and laughed so hard that we drooled on each other. It was awesome.
6. You can be happy or right. Trust me, it’s not the same thing. You can’t be happy and right. Well, you can be, but your husband and marriage will suffer. Trying to be right will put you in the loser column every single time. Pick happy instead.
7. He isn’t saying everything he is thinking, so neither should you. This is pretty self-explanatory. Say less. Smile more. (I have to keep reminding myself of this.)
8. Be kind to your hubby and get some girlfriends. Your husband was not placed on this earth to fulfill all of your relational needs. Your guy loves you, but he doesn’t have enough bandwidth to cover all your emotional and relational needs. Girlfriends can. Kicking it with the girls can fill the needs that your husband isn’t equipped to fill.
9. Your husband already knows when he screws up. Seriously, you don’t have to tell him. As my husband told me once, “I am not stupid. I know when I mess up. You don’t have to tell me.” I think your husband would agree. If he blows it, he knows it. Pointing it out just makes things worse. A decent guy will handle his business without commentary or help from his wife.
10. Sometimes, he is having a bad day and it has nothing to do with you. You don’t have to be responsible for managing his feelings and you don’t have to try to fix his bad day. Just leave him alone.
11. Take care of yourself. Women are famous for taking care of everyone else before taking care of themselves. But, we can’t give what we don’t got. If you aren’t emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally healthy, then you will be operating from a deficit. Marriage requires too much for you to be operating from a negative. Figure out what you need to be whole and healthy. Then do it.
12. Marriage is hard. I know I already covered this, but it’s important enough for me to say it again.
Drawing by Gus Galvez (2011)
13. Some of your marriage dreams won’t come true. This is great! If all of your marriage-related dreams came true, you’d miss out on something that was even better than your dream. Over the years, I’ve forgotten about the houses I wanted to buy or the furniture I set my heart on. Wouldn’t it be a shame if I wrecked my relationship by getting upset about things (from the past) that I no longer cared about? In the past 22 years, we’ve share some amazing unplanned moments. These moments that were far better than any failed dreams.
14. Forgive. Sister, you gotta let go of stuff. Forgiveness gives you an opportunity to be the best spouse that you can be. Being angry or bitter is just as wrong as his bad behavior that hurt you. Holding a grudge won’t change his behavior, especially bad behavior. It just makes you miserable. Forgiveness keeps you healthy and whole, even if he’s having issues. You’ve messed up, too. Give what you someday want to receive.
15. Never put the kids (even adult kids) before your relationship with your husband. If you love your kids, take care of your marriage first. Taking good care of your marriage will naturally overflow into taking good care of your kids. (This also goes for women who still have a close relationship with Mom. Don’t make your husband compete with your mom.)
16. Date Night or Divorce. Your marriage has a high mortality rate without a regular date night. It’s cheaper to go out for regular date night and reconnect than pay financially and emotionally for divorce.
17. If your relationship falls apart, start over and make new beginning. We survived a traumatic event in our marriage years ago. It almost ended our relationship. The pain was crushing all around. It took a long time, a lot of forgiveness and individual work on both sides. Now, we have a different, but better marriage. We wouldn’t have gotten to this point if we would not have experienced such pain and hurt. We had to start over again and rebuild in a new direction. It’s possible. (Okay, I know you’re wondering what it is. No one was unfaithful or anything like that. Stuff happens and praise God, we got through it.)
18. Only You…This next one will ruffle some feathers. I don’t think a married woman should have dinner alone with another man who is not her husband. As a former business woman, I know that you have meetings with co-workers or the need to entertain clients. I’m just stating what has been a good boundary for me over the years. We all know co-workers who hooked up because meetings led to lunch. Then, multiple lunches led to dinners. In time, those dinners led to emotional attachments that wrecked a marriage. I hope this one has created some tension for some of you. It’s one of those issues that can put a chink in the trust wall of your marriage relationship. Add a few other marriage stresses and those tiny chinks can turn into cracks. Cracks are bad. Say “no” to crack.
19. You’ll want to give up on your marriage at times. Don’t let the feeling of wanting to give up on your marriage scare or discourage you. Just because you think “it’s over” doesn’t make it true. When that thought or feeling crops up, you’ll have to push through it. There’s no shortcut. You have to choose to stay it in. (This doesn’t apply to those of you who are being abused or with men who are unfaithful. You need to get somewhere safe and get help. NOW!)
20. There’s a time and place for everything to say everything. If your hubby is way off base on an issue, instead of arguing him down, take a break from the drama. You don’t need to have the last word. Just calmly walk away. A smart guy who values his wife will take his cue from your self-control and seek out your opinion once tempers cool.
21. Don’t compare. Theodore Roosevelt once said that “Comparison is the thief of joy”. Don’t judge your relationship with your husband based on what you think someone else’s relationship with their spouse is like. Check out the Steven Furtick quote. Right?
22. Commitment is the path to the “win.” Our goal should be to win in our marriage. What does the “win” look like? A lifetime of growing, changing and learning from each other about what it means to love unconditionally.
I hope that a few things on this list were helpful for you. If you don’t agree with some of them, I’m okay with that. This is just the stuff I’ve learned over the years. Twenty-two years from now, I’ll have another list. Maybe it will be shorter.
Share your thoughts with me – and share this post if you think that it might bless someone else.
Barb
by Barb Roose | May 28, 2014 | Reflections
photo credit: https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/378800000582327361/91aa81bf907abab992a495c605b4c187.png
Lifehacks are strategies or life management techniques. I love lifehacks because they expand the potential of what I am already doing so that I can do life better. So, I thought I would put together my own list of lifehacks. Now, this list won’t make you a millionaire or get you a date Friday night (well, it might…), but these can definitely make a difference in your life today. Enjoy!
1. If a task takes two minutes or less to complete, DO IT NOW.
Each day, we are inundated with dozens of small tasks that add up to lots of headaches. For instance, I didn’t want to get up and take the laundry out of the washer and put it in the dryer. Why not? Because. When I finally took care of the task, I timed it. Guess how long it took? Two minutes. I spent 20 minutes doing other stuff (watching tv) to avoid it.
In many ways, we’re only two minutes away from de-stressing our lives and being more productive. How frustration could you eliminate if you took care of two-minute tasks right now? How many arguments could you avoid? How much money could you save?
So, make the phone call, return the email, pay the bill, schedule the appointment, etc.
DO IT NOW if it takes two minutes or less.
2. Let “It” Go
If you love the song from “Frozen,” please don’t start singing. I won’t be able to hear you and everyone else is over it. Seriously, I’ve only heard the song twice and I’m okay with not hearing it again. But, I do love the message of the song.
Do you realize that the phrase “let it go” is self-explanatory? So, why do we hold onto the things we should let go of?
photo credit: http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/vWHwSWkBjnY/maxresdefault.jpg
When we’re holding onto a hope, dream or experience that is holding us back or dragging us down, it’s often because we want to acknowledge the impact that hope, dream or experience on our lives. Failed marriage…lost job… unfilled dream…What we hold onto becomes a trophy or momento that we clutch to our hearts as a symbol of the truth of the event. This is what happened to me or what I hoped for. I’m holding onto it so that myself or others cannot deny it’s importance in my life.
But, that thing we won’t let go is getting old and outdated. We’re like a three-year old clinging to her mangled stuffed dolly. It’s missing an arm and both eyes, but little Becky will scream like a crazy person if you try to take it away. Even if you try to give her something better, little Becky will clamor to hold onto what she knows.
Don’t be like little Becky. Let it go, whatever it is. Friends, something better waits for you, but you’ve got to let go so that you can grab onto what’s in the future, instead of holding onto the past, let “It” Go.
3. Laugh
“Sometimes life gets so difficult that you just need to laugh about it.”
Friends, sometimes life gets so difficult that you HAVE to laugh. Don’t settle for a smile or giggle, do yourself a favor and stalk a gut-busting, howling laugh until you find one. You’re life will be much better for it.
Of course, I also think that Jimmy Fallon is always a great go-to for laughs! photo credit: http://splitsider.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Tonight-Show-Jimmy-Fallon-Poster-Crop.jpg
Not only does laughter force our bodies to relax, but the act of laughter makes us draw in extra oxygen and clears our mind. When they say laughter is good for you, they mean it! Don’t underestimate the power of laughter to help you cope on tough days.
By the way, my favorite go-to for laughs is watching classic television comedies. My favorite? The episode of “Friends” where Rachel and Monica lose their apartment to Joey and Chandler during the Quiz Bowl Game. What’s Joey’s favorite food? Sandwiches!
(And that quote was from Katy Perry. Don’t judge.)
4. Stop Complaining on Facebook
I just made some of you mad. (Feel free to post about it on Facebook.)
Here’s the thing: People don’t care about your bad day as much has you do. Yes, that’s harsh, but here’s the reason why: Many of your Facebook friends are having a bad day, too. They care about their bad day much more than they care about yours.
Let’s face it, all of our cars break down at inconvenient moments. We all get diarrhea at the wrong times. (Some of us have had those two things happen at the same time, right?) Every toddler pulls an angry all-nighter and we all wish we had more money at some point or another. So, in many ways, we’re all in the same boat.
Friends, it’s okay thing to share the ups and downs about your day or make a specific ask for help, but reconsider posting just to complain or mining for sympathy. (I’m assuming that we all know the difference…)
Here’s why you might reconsider those “Woe-is-me” posts: What your social media “friends” won’t tell you is that they don’t know what to do when they see your Tragedy-Ann status updates or tweets. Your “real” friends will give you a call or text to check on you, but the for the rest of us (aka “Facebook friends”), those posts are straight-up awkward for us. Why? We’re not sure what you want from us. Most of us are decent folk. We care about you and we’ll help if you ask us. Otherwise, your “oh-no-not-again” updates leave us feeling uneasy. Of course that’s TOTALLY NOT your intention, but unfortunately, it’s the result. Yes, you just want to vent about your day. Okay, so, you’ll feel better, but you risk making others feel a bit weird.
What should you do? Great question! If you’re having a bad day, inbox specific friends and tell them what’s up and ask them to pray for you. Then, when the situation resolves itself, share the situation and resolution on Facebook so that people can cheer the answered prayer and/or your perseverance through a tough time.
By the way, it’s perfectly okay to be on Facebook and Twitter and not tell people everything that is going on in your life. You’re not being fake, rather, you’re just being wise.
5. Do Something for Someone Else TODAY
If your life is boring or uninspired, you need to strike out and do something for someone else TODAY! Right now if you have the time! This will totally change your day (and give you something much more interesting to post about other than feeding your cat or telling us you are going to bed.)
One of the reasons that “Random Acts of Kindness” or “Pay-It-Forward” moments catch on is because people have an immediate opportunity to make a difference in simple ways. If you’ve ever been the recipient of a “Random Act of Kindness,” you know how wonderfully surreal it feels to be blessed by someone you don’t know, but appreciate. Now, imagine just how much cooler it is to be the person actually doing the act of kindness.
Some of you NEED to do this today. Why? Because you are drowning in yourself. But, if you want the direction of your life to rocket upward, then you need to start today. Goodness, opportunities are everywhere! Just do something, such as: anonymously pick up someone’s tab at a restaurant (and leave a great tip!), buy someone’s coffee in the car behind you, plant flowers in your neighbors yard, make a meal for your friends and drop it off – the opportunities are nearly endless. But, if you are struggling, here’s a link that you can use for more ideas: http://loveistheword.org/101-random-acts-of-kindness/ (Yes, some of them are a little cheesy, so if you can do better, go for it!)
So, this is my list of lifehacks that you can use today. Tell me what you think. Any other life hacks that should have made my life? Tell me your thoughts!
Thanks for reading (and if you think others might like this post, feel free to share it!)
by Barb Roose | May 21, 2014 | Uncategorized
Welcome back! Here’s Part II of my post-Fabulous Conference follow-up to my “Stand Tall” talk. If you didn’t have a chance to see that talk, you can CLICK HERE to go to the previous post. WARNING: There’s a discussion on tunics that kinda gets away from me. But, we all had a good laugh over it.
Did you happen to see this group of ladies? Now, they were fabulous!
Now, we’re going to talk about GPS verses or God-Positioning Scripture. What are GPS verses? Just like our car or phone GPS can help us navigate unknown territory to get us where we want to go, GPS verses are the verses in the Bible that can help you get back on track whenever you feel lost, weak, weighed down or afraid. Most of us want to avoid running our lives off into a ditch, right? However, there are time when so much is coming at us that we don’t know where to turn. That’s why I like the idea of GPS verses, because applied correctly, I know that God’s Truth will never, ever lead me in the wrong direction.
Finding GPS verses
If you have never selected GPS verses before OR you don’t know much about the Bible, this following section is for you. Lots of people are intimidated by the Bible because they don’t understand it or they don’t know how to use it. However, there are LOTS of resources available to help you understand the Bible and locate GPS verses to help you understand how to strengthen your spiritual roots and grow closer to God.
In the last post, you were asked to think about the places inside of you or situations in your life that are painful, broken, chaotic or fearful. Once you’ve identified those places, then you can begin to search for GPS scripture to help you discover God’s Truth. Remember, STRONG women STAND TALL on God’s Truth!
Example: If you are FEARFUL or ANXIOUS, then you want to look for Bible verses about God’s PEACE.
Youversion.com – This is a FREE Bible app you can download to use on your smartphone or tablet device.
Thanks to websites like Biblegateway.com or the YouVersion, the #1 Bible app in the world, you can do a search for verses on fear, anxiety or peace. Here’s my favorite GPS verse on the topic of anxiety/peace:
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:6-7 (New Living Translation )
This verse has been a powerful “go-to” verse in my life. It provides the framework for how I can manage how I think, feel and act in a way that honors God and gives God space to make me strong. Most importantly, this verse works EVERY SINGLE TIME I use it.
During the conference, I mentioned the GPS verse that provides a framework for my entire life:
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. -Matthew 6:33
This is the verse that I use when considering new opportunities or when circumstances seem so out of control that I don’t know what to do next. By His providence, God allows this verse to invade my thinking and I get to choose to apply it to my life. This verse has gotten me back on track more times than I can rememember!
Using GPS verses to get your life back on track
Now, the verses that I shared above are my verses. These don’t have to be your verses because you’re life and circumstances are different than mine. You are welcome to use them until you find your own. Remember, God’s plan for your life to be built on Him, so you’ll want to locate your GPS verses and apply them to your life.
Here are your practical next steps to finding GPS verses:
1. Pull out your Bible or use your electronic device to locate verses that remind of you God’s Truth or help you nourish areas in your life that are weak or vulnerable. (By the way, if you have a Bible that you can’t understand, then it’s not the right Bible for you. My suggestion is to find a New International Version, New Living Translation or English Standard Version Bible. These translations are all reliable and are easy-to-read and understand. Furthermore, they come with great study aids to help you understand scripture.)
2. Don’t get overwhelmed. There are about 31,000 verses in the Bible. You can use the topical index in the back of a hard copy Bible or the search tool with an online resource. Search for the topics where you need to grow stronger like faith, love, patience, peace, etc.
3. Locate three GPS verses that make you feel uplifted, encouraged and strengthened when you read them.
4. Write them down on an index card or a small piece of paper and keep them posted somewhere that you will see and read them often until you memorize them.
TALK BACK TIME! What are your GPS verses? Would you share them with us? We can encourage each other by sharing verses that help each of us become STRONGER!
by Barb Roose | May 20, 2014 | Uncategorized
Kerry, Lauren, Angel and Barb
It is always a joy for Lauren and I to host the Fabulous Women’s Conference. Each year, we pray that God uses this two day event to encourage, inspire and bless women. Congratulations to YOU for taking the time to care for yourself spiritually, emotionally, relationally and socially. We hope that your Fabulous Conference experience resonates in your heart, mind and spirit for many months to come!
One of the best parts about the Fabulous Conference is having an opportunity to share with you on Friday afternoon. Of course, this year we had the extra added bonus of the “tunic” conversation. My apologies for introducing an awkward dialogue about ancient warriors, their tunics (dresses for men) and the dangers of a tunic that flies around. (Never has one of my message illustrations slid of the tracks so unexpectedly and completely.) For all of my experience as a speaker, there was nothing I could do to save that part of my message. But, we shared a tremendous laugh over it. #nomoretunictalk (By the way, if you missed that talk or if you would like to laugh at me again, here’s the video:
Whenever I have a talk, there are always a few things I don’t have time to share. So, I thought I’d create this post-conference piece – hoping that you get a chance to reconnect with the conference and that God will use it to make you stronger.
Let’s start with reflecting on the big idea of my talk: STRONG women STAND TALL on God’s Truth.
I introduced this statement during my talk because I wanted to paint a picture of the kind of woman we want to be (STRONG) and how we can become that woman (STANDING TALL ON GOD’S TRUTH). But, we can’t stand tall unless we have strong roots.
Our 2014 Fabulous Conference theme!
Question #1: How are your roots? No, I’m not talking about your real hair color. That’s a secret between you, your hair dresser and your checkbook. We’re talking about your spiritual roots. How are those roots doing?
For some of you, determining your current spiritual strength is a question you try to avoid. Why? It’s too tough a question most days when you’re just trying to make through each day. For women, life feels mostly about “doing” instead of “being.” Reflection is hard – and heartbreaking, so often we try to avoid it. Especially if your life is going AWESOME! Then, you definitely don’t want to think about spiritual matters, because you don’t want to rock the boat or jinx yourself.
Question #2: Is there a filter to assess the condition of your current spiritual roots?
You bet! If strong roots coming from standing on God’s truth, then we must use God’s standards to help us determine what strength looks like. So, here’s something for you to consider: When your lives duplicates what God loves and values, then you will be strong.
Here is a snapshot of what God loves and values:
But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. -Galatians 5:22-23 (New Living Translation)
This verse gives us the picture of what God wants to duplicate in our lives. Most importantly, this verse lets us know that we will need God’s help in developing these qualities in our lives. Sure, you can be loving, but the quality of love God wants to pour into you is so much better than the kind of love that you have to offer. The same goes for the other qualities.
We might have made it difficult to have self-control on Thursday night. The food was FABULOUS!
Furthermore, God doesn’t just want to replicate one or two of those qualities in your life. He won’t let you settle for having joy and kindness, but giving you a pass on developing peace or patience. My dear friends, God wants to reproduce ALL of those qualities in YOUR life. Let’s take a moment and self-assess how you are doing:
1. Look at the list of character qualities (love, joy, peace, etc.). On a scale of 1 (not at all) to 10 (overflowing) would you rank each of those character qualities in your life?
2. For any quality that you’ve ranked 5 or less, what impact is that having on your life? Is there a correlation to a difficult circumstance you are experiencing and that low-ranking area?
3. How would you be stronger if one or more of those character qualities were amplified in your life?
For me, patience seems to always hover around 5 or 6 – but trust me, I’m doing much better! My problem is that I want what I want when I want it. But, God wants me to have strong roots, so I seem to navigate many situations in life where I am confronted with opportunities to develop the kind of patience that God loves and values. I have plenty of examples of where God has allowed my circumstances to make me stronger by allowing me to grow through those circumstances.
What about you? Is there a situation where you feel weak, but thinking that God could use that same situation to make you stronger in one of the areas outlined in Galatians 5:22-23?
Talk back time! Tell us about where you need God to work in your life to make you stronger. Do you need to be more loving, joyful, patient, faithful, kind, etc.?
Stay tuned! In Part II, I’m going to revisit the idea of “GPS Verses.” This practical tip is a great way to help you develop stronger spiritual roots!
Finally, if you haven’t done so, we’d love to get your feedback about this year’s Fabulous Conference. Click Here to take our 2014 Fabulous Conference survey.
by Barb Roose | May 16, 2014 | Reflections
Is there ONE thing that your kids need more than anything else? Okay, other than Jesus. Yes, I believe that all kids need Jesus. You do, too. But, outside of a relationship with Christ, what else does your child need in order to succeed in life?
In a word: RESOURCEFULNESS
When my oldest daughter got her driver’s license, that was my cue to stop taking my kids school shopping. (It wasn’t like that task was on my top 10 exciting tasks of the year.) At that point I realized that I had three smart kids that could do basic math and one of those kids could drive the other two. So, I tossed my oldest daughter my debit card and wished my little Roosters success on their school shopping mission.
As I stood in the door and watch them drive away, not knowing if they would do it right or if they would screw it up. I just knew that they needed to do this on their own.
Did they shop differently than I would have? Yep. But, that’s okay. They loved the freedom to make their own decisions and they gained confidence in accomplishing something really important.
Years later, my girls are used to school shopping on their own. In fact, my youngest daughter shopped by herself with confidence because she’s been doing it for years. Pretty cool.
Many years ago, I was a helicopter parent. I wanted my girls to be well-prepared and well-protected in this crazy, tricky world. I figured that since I could see danger or difficulty miles down the road, it was my job to steer my kids away from any and all bad decisions, mishaps and mistakes. That’s what good mamas do, right?
Then, one day I envisioned myself as a 70-year old woman with three 40-50 year old daughters asking me if they should pack peanut butter or turkey sandwiches for lunch. At that point, I realized it was time for a change. I had to land that helicopter on the ground and get out! It took a few years (and some professional therapy) to let go of my helicopter-mama ways. It was a struggle – but my girls’ lives depended on it!
My daughters needed to develop resourcefulness and it could only be developed if their well-meaning mama wasn’t getting in the way. Simply put, resourcefulness is the ability to “figure it out.”
How young is too young to start learning…
At today’s Leadership Summit, Bill Hybels shared how his father dropped him off 30+ miles away from a certain destination instructions to finish the journey. Bill was given two pieces of advice: “Figure it out” and “Don’t call me.”
He was 11 years old at the time.
(Okay, that might be shade too young.)
Here are a few ideas to help your school-aged kids develop resourcefulness:
1. Let them “practice” their way to proficiency…If we ever want our kids to get good at something, then we need to let them be bad at it and give them the blessed opportunity to get better.
For a long time, I didn’t want to put up with the hassle of not-so-great-dinners cooked by the kids. Yet, cooking is an important life skill. Therefore, I need to give the girls a chance to do it and practice their way from crispy nightmare to culinary delight. It takes time and patience on our end at the beginning, but the payoff for our kids lasts a lifetime!
By the way, cooking is a great exercise to build start your kids toward resourcefulness. Recipes and measurements can be tricky, so kids can get practice learning how to balance time management and problem-solve.
2. Let kids experience the “natural” consequences of their behavior…Failure is a great teaching tool for resourcefulness. If they forget, oversleep, procrastinate, break, lose or generally mess up, let your kids dig themselves out of the hole. Let them figure out how to raise the funds, repair the damage, make the apology – don’t be too quick to step in and smooth things over.
Avoid fixing your kid’s mistakes to maintain your image. That’s just asking for your kids to be dependent on you in the future. Coach your kids, don’t allow them coast.
Here’s a question that you might ponder: “Am I shaping my kid’s heart and mind or just trying to make my life easier?”
3. Refuse to be your kids’ Google…If your kids have questions about where things are located, how much things cost or how to spell something, don’t tell them. Can they read? Good! Then they can pull out whatever electronic device is in their pocket and figure out the answer. Will they whine? Yes. Will they fake helplessness? You bet. Ignore them and smile because you’re doing them a favor.
Find out more about the 2015 Leadership Summit at willowcreek.com. If you attend CedarCreek Church, check out CedarCreek.tv/summit for special pricing.
by Barb Roose | May 8, 2014 | Reflections
When I was growing up, I thought my grandmother was magical. Of course, I had a pretty low threshold for what constituted magic, so Grandma surpassed it every single time. If we are lucky, the word “grandma” means big hugs and kisses, softness and smiles, but most of all, just a great big ‘ole dose of love. And Grandma’s love was the most magical of all.
We lived in one apartment complex on the outer edge of town and Grandma lived in the apartment complex next to us for many years. In my mind’s eye, I can still see Grandma standing in the open doorway with a big smile on her face and open arms. I see her short, round frame with knees bent slightly to absorb the full-force of my lanky child body. Her middle was soft and she smelled like perfume and Crisco. Future grandmas take note: You should always smell like something good in the kitchen. Your grandkids will like that.
On long summer days, we’d try to stay cool and Grandma always had cold watermelon slices – I could eat as many as I wanted. One summer day, Grandma let me eat the entire watermelon. I stopped eating watermelon after that. Grandma felt bad and started buying Icies instead.
Over the next 30 years, I grew up, moved away, went to college, got married, had two babies – and then one more. Grandma would come visit every two or three months. In the last six or seven years of her life, we would talk on the phone a few days a week and always on Fridays. During our Friday talks, I cleaned the house as we chatted about politics, Medicare, cars, kids, etc. At the end of every phone conversation, Grandma would say, “I love you, Barb.” I would reply, “I love you, too.” And then she would say, “Barbara, I love you.”
I was 37 years old when my grandmother passed away in January 2009. In the 18 months before she got sick and declined quickly, Grandma went on what I’d like to call her “Going Away Tour.” She visited friends and family in different states and we even went on a few “girls only” trips together. Our last trip was to an amusement park called “Kennywood” in Pennyslvania. We spent two days hopelessly lost in some forsaken little town and laughing non-stop over all of our wrong turns. If I had $1 for every time we heard “recalculating,” Grandma and I would have been able to buy matching Louboutins. (She loved high heels, too!)
Six weeks later, Grandma got sick and life began to blur. The doctors diagnosed her with pancreatic cancer and I promised myself not to cry until she died. Instead, I cried most every day.
A few quick months later, it was the end of our time with Grandma on this side of heaven. But, not the end for her. Magnolia Wells entered into the grandest beginning of everlasting life in heaven. As much as she loved us, we know Grandma wouldn’t trade out heaven for all the kisses and hugs in the world. And I know she was able to leave this earth with the peace in knowing we’ll see her again one day.
A few days after Grandma’s funeral, my mom and I were on the phone. At the end of the conversation Mom said, “I love you, Barb.” I replied, “I love you, too.” Then, Mom took a breath and began to carry on Grandma’s good-bye tradition and whispered one more “I love you.” A tradition she carries on today, five years later.
After Grandma died, I was lucky enough to keep two things that remind me of her life: her Red Door perfume and her handwritten German Chocolate Cake recipe. Two bottles of Red Door sit on my dresser. Once or twice a year, I take off the cap and take a sniff. One whiff of that fragrance and Grandma memories flood my heart and mind. I am magically transported back to the moments in her presence that blessed my life in so many ways.
The copy of her German chocolate cake recipe is tucked away in my kitchen. Looking at her loopy handwriting warms my heart with some great memories. Like the time when I was a ten-year old girl learning how to make Grandma’s famed cake. That day, I learned how to separate eggs and Grandma let me stir the pecan frosting. It was so hard waiting for the frosting to cool. But, the moment finally arrived! Grandma frosted the cake and then looked at me with a smile. She slid the near empty frosting bowl in front of me with grin and a warning: “Don’t eat too much. You’ll get the runs.”
(One day, I’ll have to tell you about the time Grandma plucked off her eyebrows and drew them back on navy blue…)
Do you have a Mother’s Day tribute that you’d like to share? We’d love to read it!
by Barb Roose | Apr 28, 2014 | Uncategorized
Doug during his first video interview for my weekend message.
We love sharing life change stories each weekend at CedarCreek. Since it’s not possible to measure life transformation by objective means, stories are a powerful way to communicate heart change.
I loved being able to share my cousin, Doug’s life change story with you. Many of you sent me notes or messages about how much his story meant to you or someone in your life. Doug’s prayer was that God could use his story to bless others – and I love watching that answer that prayer rain down on the lives of many of you.
There’s a lot more to Doug’s story and I asked him for permission to share some additional parts of his story that we couldn’t fit into the video.
In your story this weekend, you mentioned growing up in a wonderful Christian family. But, you began to struggle during your teen years. At what point did you start to move away from your faith?
Original creation by my friend, Shirley Yee. I met Shirley a few years ago at a conference and Facebook keeps us in touch!
I was pretty good kid growing up. I was definitely a boy. It wasn’t until I entered middle school when the problems really started. Being a Christian and in Public Schools can be and was a huge challenge for me. All the different kinds of peer pressure and picking out the” cool” kids to accept you. I chose the outsiders or as society called us” rejects”.
Got to the point I no longer wanted to attend church or be around people from church. I turned cold and my parents pretty much had to force me to go.
I started to experiment with drugs and alcohol. Started fighting all the time, going to parties and just going against all I believed. I’d like to blame it on the peer pressure, but I liked it. I found it much different and exciting. I felt like I was someone. I didn’t want to be in the world and not be apart of the excitement. I started doubting my own faith and everything I believed in. I was no longer the good Christian child that my parents raised me to be. Eventually I calmed down a little, but still smoked a little pot and drank beer.
During the video, we heard you explain your anger over your parents divorcing and how that anger led you to joining a hate group. What impact did that association have on you?
I was walking around fighting everyone. I didn’t care about anyone. It was all about me. And, my relationship with my family fell apart, too. No one wanted to be around me.
We didn’t have time to talk about this during the video, but how did you end up going to prison?
Created by Shirley Yee
Even though I was very cold hearted towards pretty much everyone I cared a lot for my friends. I would do anything for them. A friend came to me and was in pain. Said that his girlfriend was cheating on him and wanted him to learn his lesson. After a week or so of contemplating I had the perfect plan. Called my friend and he gave me the address. After a night of drinking and doing drugs another friend and I drove over to this guy’s house.
I snuck out of my car, ran around the house and poured gasoline on the side of the house and I lit it up. Now, this whole time I never once considered the consequences of what I was doing or the outcome. This happened when right after my 18th birthday. When I was 19 the law caught up with me. The so called friend that was with me had gotten arrested for statutory rape. To lesson his sentence he told them about me setting fire to that house. After some investigating they decided to arrest me for questioning. They had told me that the couple in the house had a baby and their dog woke them up. If not for their dog things could have been much worse. To make things more complemented the friend who gave me the address, gave me the wrong address on purpose then he also turned me in. I had this sense of embarrassment, guilt, shame, worthlessness, instant depression and suicidal thoughts.
I confessed to everything and a year later I was in prison. Before going to prison though I went through some counseling and got to the core of my actual problem. I was upset about my parents divorce and instead of dealing with that I ignored it and it turned into so much more.
Things were tough for you during the early days of prison. What happened?
Created by Shirley Yee
I blamed God for everything. This was God’s fault and I didn’t want anything to do with him. I remember my first day in prison. I got beat like there was no tomorrow. I fought back, but couldn’t defend myself. I wasn’t allowed any phone calls or visitations for the first few weeks of being there.
I ran into a man who’s name was Satan. I spent a lot of time talking to him. We talked about our others’ past, futures, religions, everything. He brought it to my attention that I was brainwashed by these people who thought they were better then everyone else. I was taught to hate for the wrong reasons, and surprisingly enough this guy taught me how to love again. He never once talked me down for my religion. He allowed me to talk freely. And it was at that point that it hit me. God didn’t put me here, God didn’t want me to take the path I took. He gave me a way out, I was just not accepting his answer. It was kind of ironic how a man named Satan bought me back to Christ.
How did your life start to change once you reconnected with Christ?
I read my bible on a daily basis and went to church services. I never once had any issues with any other inmates. God protected me when I needed him most. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to see the worth in yourself and to see what your worth to Jesus. He died for my sins upon that cross. He knew everything I was ever going to do and he still died for me. He didn’t only die, but he conquered the grave.
The last part of your video brings tears to my eyes every time. I’m so happy for you! What is the best part about how God has transformed you?
My life today is a blessing. I’m so happy to be where I am and growing everyday in Christ. He has truly transformed my life. I have a deeper love for people and I can honestly look past their sins and still love them. God gave me that ability because I was once in their shoes. I still have my struggles just like everyone else does. Nobody is perfect. I have reason to stay on the straight and narrow.
God took my hatred, my worthlessness, my depression, my guilt and shame. He gave me peace, love, happiness, a great fiancé who loves Jesus just as much as I do. He gave me a great church.
If there is one thing I want to do with my life is for my story to touch someone’s heart and say, yes there is still hope. I’m more sensitive to people’s needs. My friends today would never ask anything of me that would harm me. I’ve got good Christian friends. God has given me the strength to make it every day and claim he is God. He has renewed me and made me a new person. I am so grateful for what he has done in my life. I still look back on my past, but instead of feeling that shame I thank God. I had to go through what I did to see his true love. No matter how bad I was he still protected me. He had his hands in everything. I’m so grateful for my past because it’s turned me into who I am today. Today, I am a Christian, today I am God’s child. Today, I have the strength to stand up for my beliefs.
Did Doug’s story inspire you? How were you encouraged to believe that God could transform your life? Leave us a comment – I know Doug would love to hear from you! Feel free to share this post with anyone who might be encouraged by it.
By the way, your “Transformed” journey continues this weekend at CedarCreek Church. Jason Tucker will be talking about how we can be “Transformed Spiritually.” We all want to be closer to God – and when we allow more of God in our lives, He transforms those painful, broken, fearful places inside of us. Join us! Saturday at 5:15pm/7pm and Sunday at 9/10:45am and 12:30pm.
by Barb Roose | Apr 18, 2014 | Reflections
Recently, I met my friend, Lisa, for lunch. It was a snowy day (so it could have been this past Tuesday, right?)
Anywhoo, Lisa and I arranged to meet at a little café about 30 minutes away from my office. It’s the kind of cute cafe that’s too quaint to show up on a GPS, so I drove past it a few times before I realized I had actually arrived.
Whenever womenfolk have lunch, we follow one of two strategies:
Lunch Strategy#1: The “Let’s celebrate and therefore eat whatever we want” strategy. This means that we’ll enjoy pasta, bread, butter and EVERYONE GETS dessert. #favorite
Lunch Strategy #2: The “Oh, I’m watching my weight” strategy. This means salad or a fruit bowl and sadly, no dessert.
Lisa and I rolled with option #2, but we had a great time anyways. When I checked my watch, I realized that it was time to scoot off for my next meeting. We hastily exchanged goodbyes and I fast-girly walked out of the café over an icy path to my car in 3″ heels.
Two hours later, I finished the next meeting and stopped for gas. When I opened my wallet, there was a $10 bill inside. It shouldn’t have been there because I had gone to lunch. Then, it hit me:
I SKIPPED OUT OF THE RESTAURANT WITHOUT PAYING FOR MY LUNCH!
I dined and dashed. Oh, no! Me? Yes! Of course, it was an accident, but I was a dine-and-dasher, just the same. Oh, shame, shame, shame on me!
In my mind’s eye, I could see the shocked look on that restaurant server’s face when a tall black woman in cute, heeled boots hightailed it up out of her small town café without paying for her lunch salad sans the dessert.
Shame on me…
Not to mention that the same tall black woman in the cute, heeled boots IS ALSO A PASTOR. And, for the record, pastors really should not dine-and-dash. It shouldn’t be a thing for anyone, but especially not pastors. It’s like #14 on the list of things pastors shouldn’t do, like right before “wear men’s skinny jeans.”
I tried calling the café from my car, but couldn’t get through. I thought it was because the café owner was on the phone with the police giving them a description of yours truly. At each stop light on the way back to the office, I practiced my mug shot face in the rearview mirror in case somehow I ended up on the news.
“Tonight on 13abc, local area pastor dine-and-dashes in 3″ heels. Full story at 6.”
On my third call, someone at the café picked up the phone. I blurted out my name and bumbled my way through a rambling, overly profuse apology. The woman on the other line was kind and gracious. When I finished making the messiest apology EVER, she laughed and replied, “Don’t worry it happens all of the time. Most people are honest and just drop off the money later.”
I couldn’t believe that instead of reading me the riot act and calling the police, the café lady excepted my apology and wished me a good day. (My friend, Tina, lives near the café so the next morning, she dropped off my payment, tip and another apology note.)
When I receive “good” but I deserve “bad”…
As a fugitive dine-and-dasher, I could have been tracked down and possibly arrested. And I would have deserved it.
Instead, the café owner forgave my offense. And in that moment, I was reminded of the principle of grace:
Grace is when we receive “good” even though we deserve “bad.”
God is in the “grace” business. He wants to give us what we don’t deserve. God wants to give us Himself, complete with access to His divine forgiveness, love, purpose, hope and power.
But, some are afraid to come close to Him: “Oh, I know that God says that He loves me, but look at my life. Look at the mistakes I’ve made.”
So, we try to fix ourselves. Must try to be a better person! We think God is a cosmic bean counter, so we can’t believe that God wants to give us “good” because we know that we deserve bad. How often have we tried to earn God’s goodness?
Here’s the truth: We can’t fix ourselves. We’re messed up at a level so deep that only God do anything about it.
So, what you and I need is GRACE. Grace is the very best of all good things.
Today is Good Friday. For many, it’s a religious day of observation or obligation. We’ll sit in church or see the photos of Jesus being beaten and crucified on this holy day. Whips, fists, blood, nails, cross. So many violent images – and while we may flinch in the moment, does the realization of this event impact our heart and lives? Did we forget that it is by his wounds that we are healed?
Jesus is our access to God’s grace…
Jesus came to give us “good” even though we deserve “bad” (photo credit: swordsoftruth.files.wordpress.com)
The simple truth is that God sent Christ to pay the cost for our sinfulness and instead of punishment, we received the free gift grace.
Doesn’t matter who you are. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done.
My friends, avoid being like the “good people” who deny their desperate need for God. Remember, the good (religious) people were the ones screaming “Crucify him” on a Friday long ago. God’s lavish grace is for those of us who realize that we can never be good enough. This divine grace extends especially to those who don’t think that forgiveness is possible. Hear this: No matter who you are or what you’ve done, God’s grace through Christ is a free gift for you.
So, I’m going to go out on a limb here and close with the simple prayer for those of you who want to experience God’s grace for yourself. If this is the true intention of your heart, then pray this prayer:
Dear God, forgive me for living my life apart from You. Today, I want to live out the rest of my life connected to You. I accept your free gift of grace made possible through Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection. I invite you to come into my heart and life. Help me to learn what it means to trust you and follow you all of the days of my life. Amen.
If you prayed that prayer…
Great! While you might not have seen fireworks, heard angels or felt all tingly inside, your life – and eternity – have been forever changed! I’d love you to send me an email or you can CLICK HERE and you can receive a free New Testament (click on “Request Packet”) and some other materials to help you understand what it means to have a relationship with God.
Happy Good Friday everyone!
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Times: Friday – 5:15pm/7pm; Saturday – 3:30pm/5:15pm/7pm; Sunday 9am, 10:45am and 12:30pm
by Barb Roose | Apr 11, 2014 | Women's Topics
Samantha leaving for camp this past Monday
So, it’s the end of the school year. Many of you are celebrating kindergarten or high school graduations and every other kind of milestone in-between. If you’ve got a few tissues left and want to keep that nostalgic feeling going, this re-post about letting go of our children grow up is dedicated to you…
This week, my 18-year old daughter, Samantha, has been away at camp. A few months ago, she interviewed to be a 5th grade camp counselor and was thrilled to be selected.
My soon-to-be-graduated senior bolted from my car on Monday with a big smile on her face. As she grabbed her bags and slammed the car door (because SOMEONE doesn’t have her license yet…) Samantha’s final words were: “Have a great week, Mom. Don’t miss me.”
I have missed her this week. And, I’ve also realized that the time is quickly approaching that I will be missing her much more and often. She graduates from high school at the end of next month and my second child will be off to begin her life.
“Don’t miss me, Mom…”
Springtime always reminds me that life is meant to grow and blossom. Even our kids…
Sami, Kate and Abbie – Christmas 2000
When my girls were babies, there was no Facebook or any other social media. Which meant that there was no reason to take weekly photos of my little Roosters spread on a pretty blanket with a chalkboard or ABC blocks with their ages on it.
But, I did have a disposable Fuji camera, y’all. Only 2 out of the 24 pictures ever turned out nicely, but those memories were captured just the same. I’ve got stacks of slightly blurry, kinda dark photos of some very special moments.
First smile…first up-the-back diaper blowout…first jar food…first sleeping in the crib…first ride on the tricycle…first unplanned haircut…
Back then, motherhood was all about getting my children to those “first” moments. “When will they…?” was always on my mind. The thrill of motherhood meant that I couldn’t wait for those “first” moments.
That is, until those “first” moments started to take my girls away from me…
Matt, Kate and Samantha on Kate’s first day of kindergarten. Seems like yesterday…
Mamas, remember those first steps? Remember the moment when your little one let go of your fingers? Your heart burst with pride and fear at the same time. Those first steps away from you were the best and worst moment of your life. As much as you embraced your child’s new journey, there was something deep inside that urged you to push that baby down and tie him or her to a safety seat. Go, go, go…no, stay with me…
Once our kids start moving on their own, it just seems that they are constantly moving away from us. And we want them to go. But, we want them to stay, right?
While writing this post, my oldest daughter emailed me to let me know that she’s going to New Mexico this summer. That’s in addition to her trip to South Korea and two weeks of training. So, this summer, she’ll be home for only five days. Less than 150 hours.
“Don’t miss me, Mom…”
Over the years I’ve discovered that ‘letting go’ is a season all it’s own. We don’t just let go on any given day. Instead, there are many, many letting go moments. Good moments that taste bittersweet. Good moments that make us smile and cry at the same time. Like the last time we nurse our babies or the day we dismantle the crib. Letting go moments when they go on the first sleepover or finish that big project on their own.
The year that my oldest daughter turned 16 was horrible. I knew that one day she would want to drive away without me. In my nightmares and daydreams, I could only think of her getting into a car accident and being taken from me. I didn’t want her to drive, but she insisted on getting her license. Months later, she hoped into the car and drove away on her own. Just like that.
I let go. (And I survived.)
After two decades of parenting, I finally settled into the realization that “letting go” is a season because it takes time for us mamas to do it. We don’t just wake up one morning and feel okay with the speed at which our children are growing up. We’re thrilled when they learn to tie their shoes, ride to the end of the block or stay over night. Yes! But, we struggle against the place that says It’s going so fast… Yep, it is.
And as much as want our kids to burst into independence and find their place in the world, deep in our hearts, we want to tie our children down to keep them close forever. But, we know that’s not love. That’s not what they need. We need to let go.
So, if you are like me and these days your children are growing up, smile. They are doing exactly what you’re nurturing them to do – even if right now they are making decisions that hurt your mama heart. They are taking on the world, whether they are scooting, crawling, walking, running, driving or flying away from you. You can’t always go with them, but your love is indelibly stamped on their lives. They’ll always take a piece of your heart whereever they go.
Samantha graduation on June 1. Photo Credit: Jeff Wirebaugh, MD
This summer, I’ll hold my breath while one piece of my heart criss-crosses the country for a few weeks before heading overseas. Another piece of my heart will cross a high school graduation stage and search for her place in the world (and I’ll embrace my role as an advisor on the sidelines). A third piece of my heart will travel to summer camp and to a lot of sleepovers. Don’t miss me, Mom!
I’ll try not to, honey…
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